


Ya Big Doof

by Meadonroe



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 18:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 78,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7397845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadonroe/pseuds/Meadonroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I .. don't know what to say. I am so sorry .. I really wish I could comfort you, but .."</p><p>"It's okay, Sean. I don't need the compassion, or pity even,from outsiders. It won't lessen the pain, and it sure as hell won't help me with my mourning. I need to do this on my own, but before you start rambling ...I do accept the the helping hands that are reached out to me... Yours in particular. I .. Kind of need your hand."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter O1.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you for reading my fan fiction. It means a lot to me.  
> My name is Miko, and as a heads up, let me inform you on the matter that I'm not a native English speaker.  
> I am very European. So spelling errors might occur and sentence structure might feel a tad .. off at some times.  
> Just bare with me.
> 
> With all of this out of the way, please do enjoy reading.

**Los Angeles, California, airport - 8:23AM.**

 

A pair of dark brown colored irises scanned their surroundings, as multiple figures dashed along his line of vision. Hundreds of travellers, dragging luggage behind them, whilst trying to figure out where to go, or how to get there. His friend Mark Fischbach was seated in one of the red chairs midst the ones perfectly lined up, at the far right of the massive airport. The burden of not knowing what his purpose was among the crowd, slightly ticked off Wade Barnes.

"Tell me once again who the guy is that we're meeting up with?"

Locking his almond eyes with his friend's, the 26-year old man let his lips curve into a half-assed smile, while resting his arms on the armrests of his seat.

"A guy named Sean McLoughlin. I met him through mutual fans. We started talking and I learned he's actually quiet funny."

Cocking an eyebrow, Wade crossed his arms, letting a subtle yet distinctive sigh escape from his lips. "So .. He's a fellow Youtuber then?"

He received a small nod from his, half Korean friend and former roommate.  
"He's been around for a while, but he really went up the ranks when Felix mentioned him in one of his shout-outs."

Wade honestly couldn't care less about the matter, yet he was still somewhat curious as to what his role would be in this sudden set-up.  
"How old is the guy? Just to make sure we won't be dealing with another one of those teenage dweebs you always get overly attached to .."

He only received an eye roll and raised eyebrow in reaction from Mark. Who obviously didn't seem all too pleased about hearing such a statement. Even though he knew Wade had a point there. In the past he had made the obvious rookie mistake of getting personally involved with most of his fans -- answering pretty much all of their messages on social media, even meeting up with a few on rare occasions. A rookie mistake that he had payed his toll for, and which eventually led to a forced relocation.

Defensively, Wade threw his arms in the air, squeezing his eyes to small slits apologetically.  
"I mean no harm by saying that! Considering the fact that 70% of your fandom exists out of hormonal tweens.."

\-- "I'll pretend that was an **intended** compliment. _~_ And I believe his in his mid twenties."

Nodding silently, Wade let his eyes wander once more. "Where's he from anyway?"

"You'll figure that out once he lands. His accent is as thick as morning wood."  
\-- "Don't you mean " _as hard_ " as morning wood?"

 

"Well, apparently **you're** the expert among us! His plane just landed," Mark shouted, as he pointed his finger towards a giant monitor above. "He should come out at Gate B."

Wade sighed once more, not really understanding the commotion Mark was so worked up about. Some mysterious guy travelled to America to visit Mark? Where's the excitement in that formula? Sure, meeting long-distance friends for a very first time is thrilling, but this was just over the top, even for a hyper, bubbly kind of person like Mark Fischbach. Heck, he made it seem as if he bought a bride online, and he was awaiting her at the Pearly Gates.

"Why did you even bother to ask me to tag along?"

Mark waved his arms around enthusiastically, a smug grin plastered onto his unshaven face.  
"Pssh, duuh! I don't have to pay for the gasoline your car runs on!"

"You are such a meanie-poo, Markimoo.."

"Shut up, Wade!"

* * *

 

Mark's grin only widened once he saw a skinny, young man walk past the velvet ropes, separating the visitors from the actual travellers. A puff of neon green hair emerged from underneath a wool beanie. The sight startled the unsuspecting Wade Barnes.

**"Sean!"**

Mark suddenly shouted from the top of his lungs, as he threw his arm in the air, waving vigorously at the arrival of his expected friend. The young man, now identified as 'Sean', looked up with a surprised expression on his unshaven face, as he noticed a puff of neon pink hair among the crowd. A smile quickly took over his, seemingly tired, features, as he approached the bouncing Korean man.

"Just act natural .." Mark stated, more to himself than his friend Wade, really. It was then, that Wade noticed the extremely thick woollen scarf, Sean wore around his slender neck. _Did this guy come from the goddamn north pole or what? Was this guy from Russian descent maybe ..? Nahh, Sean .. that didn't sound Russian at all. Or did it?_ How would he even know, he had never set foot outside of the confines of California in his life.

"Heya, Mark."

the young man said calmly, raising his hand, in a manner of politely waving hello. Mark seemed like he would blow up any moment, and eagerly pulled Sean into a tight hug.

"How's the flight been?"

Once the two men released each other, the green-haired one ran a hand through his trademark neon locks. "I'm knackered, son. The craft was _jammers_. This header kept eating the head off of his bird .. Their holiday will be up to 90!"

Question marks surrounded the oblivious Wade Barnes. He grew silent, staring off into the distance, as he tried to translate the, to his ears, foreign accent, he was being exposed to.

_"Huh? Eating the head off of his bird..? Their holiday will be up to 90 ..?"_

Upon realizing his words went right through both of his American friends, Sean quickly recovered himself, assuming a more relaxed state of mind. Through a smile, he then spoke :

"Oh, sorry! Haha, how _thick o' me_! ~ A crazy guy kept arguing with his girlfriend."

He cast a glance at both Mark and Wade as their puzzled expressions seemed to diminish a bit. "I'll have to get used to not being able to use me slang up in these parts."

Keeping himself from getting over-excited, Mark spread his arms widely. "I love it, tho!"

He then turned to a still slightly confused Wade. "Sean, this is my friend Wade Barnes."

The brunette shook the Irish man's hand carefully. "And apparently, I'll also be your personal, designated driver today.." His slightly annoyed gaze shifted to Mark. "Ain't that right, _Fischbach_?"

Sean flashed another teethed smile, a twinkle present in his icy blue eyes. "Awesome, man! That's so cool!"

Wade decided to just give into it. It was no use putting up a fight, at least Mark seemed happy with the presence of this foreign guy. That was something .. Right?

"Don't mention it.. Pleasure's all mine."

Grinning from ear to ear, Mark threw his arms around the shoulders of both men.  
"Isn't that just the nicest of nice things to do? ~ ❤"

* * *

 

"Thanks for the ride home, buddy. I owe you a drink sometime."

"I'll keep that in mind, Mark. See you around."

Making his way towards the front door and jamming the key in its lock, Mark listened closely to Sean's footsteps as they got closer. "It's actually been a while since I've last had an actual roommate.."

As he opened the door, to let Sean's eyes feast upon its interior -- he took his sneakers off, and placed them on a rack in the hallway. The house was bound to end up messy sometime. Mark got so caught up with projects he'd been working on for months, that he'd spent more time in his car, than inside his own home. Some would find this rather .. tragic, yet to Mark this phenomenon had become life.

"I'm usually very tidy around the house, but lately I've been so under the spell of some recent WIPS, that I've barely even spent some time inside my own house .."

He stated, apologetically, hoping his guest wouldn't crush his nose upon seeing the surrounding clutter. Mark mentally slapped himself, blaming himself for being so incredibly inconsiderate. He knew he had plenty of time to clean up, even if it was just a little. A quick, global and modest pick up of the first pieces of junk he'd find laying around on the floor. It wouldn't have consumed such an amount of time, so why did he procrastinate it then?

The green-haired young man followed his American friend into the hallway, his gaze gliding across the scattered pieces of clothing, and tangled up cables that ran throughout the entire building, or so it seemed.. He bit his tongue, trying his best to not throw a fit. The Irishman grew up in a small community, wherein every citizen knew each other like the back of their hands. His mother had always been a bit of an obsessive cleaner, a personality trait she clearly passed on to her youngest son. Sean was able to overlook clutter for a reasonable amount of time, until it would tick him off to the point, he'd clean it up eventually. He'd been the exact neat freak as his mother had always told him to be. Cleanliness is happiness .. Or something along those lines. He aimed his gaze at Mark shortly, before letting it fall right back onto the messy hallway again.

"I'm sure we can work things out. After all .. I'm a neat-freak. I tend to .. get a bit OCD 'bout it .."

Mark nodded silently, nodding towards an impressive flight of stairs, assumingly leading to the second floor of the house. "Alright, then. I'll show you your room, for starters. If you'd like to follow me.."

Whilst he followed Mark along the stairway, Sean couldn't help but feel a little homesick already. A natural reaction, I'm sure of it. After living by himself for a little over 4 years now, having to trade that silence in for more lively surroundings, somewhat startled him. Yet he was thrilled to share a house with one of the people he had always looked up to. All these mixed emotions, didn't treat him nicely.

"It's not much, but it's something, right?"

As Mark opened the door, the hinges coughed under the sudden rotation, and exhaled with a subtle creaking sound. Once Sean stepped into the doorway, the view on a somewhat modern basement-based room, met his eyes. A king sized bed was placed against the wall on the farthest right of the room, while a couple of book cases ornamented the wall on the left. A small leather couch, coffee table and rug were placed in the centre of the room. And to top it all off, a small wooden desk stood proudly before a glass window, a computer and all neatly placed near it. Sean tried so hard to keep the shrieking noises inside, that his brain ordered his vocal chords to produce, and his mouth was almost compelled to follow that command blindly. He swore he could feel his jaw fall to the floor, and eyeballs nearly popping out of their sockets. Yet he maintained a modest posture, smiling widely as he raised his eyebrows in sheer and utter amazement.

"Not much? Compared to the huts I've lived in for most of my childhood, this is a major update!"

He happily swung his bag on the bed, soon to be followed by his scarf, beanie and jacket. He felt a strong desire to jump onto the bed and just lay there, taking in the view and to appreciate his luck. He still could not comprehend he was about to move in with none other, than _Markiplier_! His heart beat so fast, it hit every corner of Sean's rib cage, giving the man a few scares of it actually jumping out of his chest.

When he realized he acted so damn boldly, he quickly straightened his back. Mark's dark eyes found his lighter ones. "Do you .. smoke by any chance?"  
Before he'd fully realized it, he'd already shaken his head steadily.

"I have in the past, but no worries, I no longer do."

"Good. Smart move, buddy. Well then, I'm gonna take a shower real quick, and fetch us something to eat."

Sean simply nodded once again. "M'kay. I'll get settled in the meantime."

* * *

 

As expected from two young adults who make a living staring at a radiating screen, this evening would be no exception whatsoever. Since Mark insisted on rewinding by playing some co-ops with his old _roomies_ , Sean settled in front of the television, for old time's sake. Yet as expected, there is no such thing as a calm Markiplier when it comes down to playing competitive games. Currently sucked into a random co-op with Aaron, Bob and Wade, everything went to complete shit, once Mark became the ring target for his team mates.

"You idiot! You're going backwards! Go around, you doof! **WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!** "

Sean glanced at the frustrated expression that was painted on Mark's reddening face, and swallowed back a small chuckle.

" **SHUT UP, WADE!** " Mark shrieked in his trademark high pitched voice, while waving his arms in all sorts of directions, utterly lost within his own growing frustration.

"Are you stupid?! They are coming right for me! I'm right here, come back for me! They want to kill me dead! **O M G**!! Are you joking me right now?!"

Still amused with the current change of atmosphere, the Irish man shook his head. He knew all too well how frustrating online co-ops could get, if you have terrible players on your team..

"Co-ops.. Am I right, lad?"

Mark could only nod in agreement, rolling his eyes. " **WADE, GET BACK HERE!** "

An English-accented voice aided to the rescue of Mark Fischbach's raising blood pressure.  
"Chill there, Mark!"

Instantly, Mark got up on his feet, only to bring his face closer to the computer monitor, pressing a shaking finger against the material. "Don't tell me what to do, Aaron. Ye smooth, English bastard!"

Only to be followed up by Wade's mocking voice. "Getting a little bit aggressive there, Mark?"

The Korean lifted himself back into his desk chair, running a couple of fingers through his fading, pink puff of hair. "Because I'm surrounded by morons! I GIVE UP!" He squealed, throwing the wireless controller and headset, in whatever direction he managed to do so, before storming into the kitchen area. "I need chocolate to bring me salvation in these dark times!"

Pulling his knees up, Sean peered over the backside of the couch he was seated on, trying to catch a glimpse of the monitor that would most likely be showing a couple of confused players, and an inactive character model holding some kind of machine gun.  
"Can I give it a go .. ?"

"G **O FOR IT! BUT YOU WON'T IF YOU APPRECIATE BEING SANE!** " An angry voice echoed from around the corner, making Sean chuckle for a third time that evening. As he picked up the lost and abandoned, (and also, miraculously undamaged) controller, he caught a first glance of the type of game Mark had been playing before.

"Ooh, zombies! Let's murder them!" He stated happily, putting on the headset, and bringing the mic closer to his lips.

Wade's confused voice chimed once more. "Sean?"

Aaron's followed shortly after, with a rather similar question. "Who is Sean?"

The green-haired man got as comfortable as he could possibly get in Mark's gaming chair, which still felt sort of warm, for some kind of reason. "The one and only boss! Time to murderize some _zom-zoms_!"

Bob's voice pitched in as well. "Hello? Who is Sean?"

"Mark's new roommate. He's alright." Wade stated.

"Has Mark forgotten us so easily? We've been replaced!"

Hearing Bob's remark, Aaron burst out laughing. "By an Irish guy!"

Smiling through his teeth, Sean clenched the controller in both hands. "Hell, to the, yes, fellas! Now how about we team up, so we can wipe out those bastards?"

"Aye!" -- "Let's do this, matey!"

* * *

 

Two hours in and Mark's aneurysm seemed to have retracted into whatever body part it grew out off. He was seated on the couch, next to Sean. Clapping his hands enthusiastically, as Sean just opened the virtual portal to Mark's heart, by doing one simple thing.

"You killed Bob! **HAHA!** Awesome!"

The blonde on the other end of the server and connection for that matter, didn't seem to share this moment of glory, as he frowned upon hearing Mark's victory yell, for Sean's cheap-as-fuck head shot from behind a pair of bushes. Sneaky bastard, but he bit his tongue. "You are aware that I can hear you, right Mark?"

Like a 5 year old being put in its place, Mark folded his arms, sticking his nose into the air. "Well, sometimes I wish you didn't.." He then dropped the immature act. "You died, tho.."

"Sean, walking dead at 5pm!" Wade's voice rushed through the speakers, alerting Aaron to a smooth cover.

"I've got your back, mate."

They all shared the exact same thought, yet Sean was the only one to mouth it.  
"Hah! _~_ **GAAAY**!"

The server erupted into spontaneous fits of laughter, as the the ice now had been officially broken, and the Irish man had now been accepted into the group.

"You are on your own back half of the time, Aaron!" Mark mockingly retorted, receiving a chuckle from his friends, and a comment from Wade. "Mark's digging up the dirt again."

"Trouble in paradise, boys?" Bob's laughing voice soon joined in. Aaron voiced a sob, dropping his controller onto his lap. "Mark dumped me for the two of you!"  
Sean felt his tongue burning, he had to. So, fuck, he just did. "Mark can't resist a huge D!"

Shit got real when Mark jumped onto that statement. "In Yami's case, good riddance then."  
Another compilation of laughter filled the active server, portrayed on all of their screens.

"Of course the Asian man has to say something about dick sizes.."  
Bob blurted out one of his hysterical hyena-esque laughs. "So true!"

"That's why Aaron sticks around after all these years. I'm one of the few Asians with a P.h.D."

Sean's fist met Mark's instantly. "A pretty huuuuuge dick!" He screamed ecstatically. All the jokes were made, his kind of humor was being exploited here, he had to become a recurring part of it.

"How would you know, Sean?" Aaron asked, honestly surprised to hear Sean take Mark's side on this one.  
"I heard from you momma!"

Wade furrowed his eyebrows, scratching along his jawline. That sentence just opened Pandora's fucking box.  
"You slept with Aaron's mother, Mark?"

"Whoa, hey, whoa. That's for me to know, and for you .. to.. not know! Welcome into our Satanic circle, Seanie-boy!"

"Your initiation has been completed," Aaron shouted, bringing his hands together.

"I feel very welcomed, you guys!" Sean retorted with a smirk. He already knew he'd found a second home. He hadn't enjoyed life as much in a long time, and for that he was most grateful. A new start ..

* * *

 

Controllers aside, monitors ripped of their brightness and addictive neon-lighting. Two young adults just sitting around in the living room, doing some impressive potato-sack impressions on the couch. Mark's boredom forced him to stare intensely at the pattern of paint smudges left on the ceiling. It has been such a sloppy paint job, goddamn Ken. Always too worried about getting his beard messy, little fuck. At least he could've drawn some straight lines on there.. But then again, how big are the odds that people would actually stare at that specific part of the ceiling, to be noticing those few smudges? Still, it bothered Mark, being the perfectionist that he solely dedicates his life to be. A small shifting of weight, caused Mark's head to fall to the left, leaving him with a clear view up Sean's nostrils. Not very attractive at all .. So he sat up straight, noticing the pictures the Irish man had been scrolling through for quiet a while now. Mostly pictures of himself, some with friends or family members(?), and then there was this one picture .. A picture that consumed his complete attention, as he let his finger hover above the screen for a couple of seconds. Mark noticed how his blue eyes grazed over the picture, a certain twitch making its presence known in the corner of the man's eye.

"She is cute. Is she your girlfriend by any chance?"

Once Mark's voice reached the green-haired man's eardrums, he teared his gaze away from the screen, finding a reflection in a pair of chocolate colored circles. "Was. We broke up a while ago, yet I can't get myself to delete the pictures.."

A pair of eyebrows dropped upon hearing the broken voice Sean had spoken in. He was clearly still affected by their break-up, despite it most likely being a while ago, since as long as Mark had known Sean, he never mentioned anything about a possible girlfriend. Or maybe Sean was a tad better at separating Work and Private. Even if that was the case, Sean obviously looked upset about it, and looking at that particular picture, didn't do him any good in that regard. "Oh, I'm sorry, man. I .. I didn't know."

The sad twinkle got replaced by a shinier one, and the thin line Sean had pressed his lips into, now curved into a compassionate smile. "How could you know?" He voiced a laugh, for it to die off into a soft sigh, shortly after. "It's alright, Mark. It's in the past now." He threw his phone on the coffee table, turning his head, so he could face Mark. "How 'bout you?"

The Korean couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to ask Sean more about his past relationship. Perhaps venting out some of his frustrations, would lighten the weight on his shoulders, but Sean clearly drew the line here, clearly stating not wanting to go any deeper into it. And that was a request Mark wouldn't mind to respect. Rubbing salt in a healing wound, is never a good idea. Or so, thereof he was convinced. Maybe Sean would feel more at ease, if Mark shared some of his past relationship failures. Maybe the feeling of not being alone in that category, would make him more likely to open up. Who knows, it was just a wild guess.

"I've been in a serious relationship a couple of years ago, but it didn't really work out, I guess. Ever since, I've become a lot more careful with those kind of things."  
Sean bit his lip, averting his eyes. He sure knew how that felt, that feeling had been gnawing on his insides for the past couple of months now. Not specifically related to his relationship-gone-to-shit scenario, but in general really. It happened whenever he met new people, and thought he'd finally made some new friends for life. They all ended stabbing him in the back, only to pull the knife back out, and wait for another turn. People are shit, really. But he'd been telling himself to avoid those thoughts, be positive. Be who you want to be, treat others the way you'd like to be treated, that psychological _mumbo-jumbo._ What a crock ...

"I'm sorry to hear that.. That's a reasonable reaction. I mean, being more withdrawn.."  
Mark nodded, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I guess.. So, I guess that means there's not yet anyone new in your life, huh?"

Sean threw his head back, letting it fall onto the couch's cushions. "Not really. I'm way too busy with YouTube and all .. I actually.. get lonely at times, to be honest."

He regretted saying that immediately. He should've just bit his tongue, anything from saying something like that. This was not the right moment to make everything about himself. A right time and place for everything, that's what his father would say. He wanted to kick himself in the fucking teeth right now.

Yet Mark didn't show any signs of discomfort. Contrary. "I feel ya.. There's only so much of a void, video games can fill. But having the undying support of my fans helps me through."

A genuine smile crept upon Sean's face, as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's one of the greatest things about this community."

A motion Mark imitated. "Aside from all of that, despite it not always being obvious, I get a lot of support from my close friends. That's nice .."

Nodding, Sean placed his hand softly on Mark's lower arm. "I will listen whenever you want to rant about this sort of stuff." He laughed shortly. "I'm a great friend, or so I'd like to believe."

"The bossiest of friends, I reckon?"

"You've got that right!"

* * *

 

Mark squeezed his eyes shut, noticing how the entire conversation had been about him, yet once again. Did he not attempt to talk about Sean's issues ..? _Goddamn it.._

"This got sappy real quick .." Mark stated, ending that sentence with uncomfortable laughter.

He opened up to Sean, which in his mind, was great in a way, though he felt rather selfish for doing so. It didn't seem to bother his friend, as he calmly nodded in response.

"Ain't no shame in opening up every once in a while."

The Korean man released the hold he had on his shirt, scratching the back of his neck with his, now free, hand.  
"..This got rather uncomfortable. ..So, what's your favorite color?"

That terrible attempt at steering the conversation in a different direction, left the green-haired man laughing. Shaking his head as he did so. He answered nonetheless. Mark tried, so all he could do was - go with the flow. "Blue, I guess.. What about that, aye?"

He was onto him, Mark felt it. Goddamn idiot, he thought, as he gritted his teeth, clenching a fist-full of faded pink hair in his hand. "Just a way of keeping the conversation going, I s'pose.."

"A way of steering it into another direction, ya mean. Away from the dark pits of our souls." Sean remarked, flashing a toothy grin that reached from one ear to the other. His eyes wandered off for a moment, before he hoisted an arm into the air, a pair of bushy eyebrows dropping in a V-line. "Ya got some angel piss layin' around 'ere?"

An Irish man demanding alcohol? Was that what it was? Either way, Mark assumed it must've been, extending his arm in the direction of the kitchen area. "Fridge."

"Nice!" Sean predicated, jumping onto his feet. A twinkle sprung to life in his blue eyes, giving them a mischievous glint. In a matter of seconds, the man stood in front of an already opened refrigerator. "Beer .. Rum .. Vodka.."

A number of shrieking noises followed shortly after. "Absinthe..?! Whoa!"

Taking on his potato-sack impression again, Mark opened his eyes hearing the ecstatic noises coming from within the kitchen. He could only imagine the look on Sean's face upon finding the glowing bottle of absinthe, and the puckish thoughts his mind would soon get clouded with. Oh alcohol, you truly bring out the most glorious side of utter desperation in those who fell for its luring temptations. God, how Mark had soiled his body with numerous litres of that toxic crap, up until the point the solemnly swore to never touch another bottle of alcohol again. Naturally mocked with when one of his former friends shoved a beer can into his palms. 'Technically it's not a bottle!' Yeah, real subtle, you fuck..

"Certain situations require a total wipe-out.." Mark spoke softly, his fingers caressing the soft fabric his couch's cushions were made of. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that .. a wipe-out that resulted in digging deeper into that swallowing pit of regret. Yeah, real top-nudge game play there, buddy...

"Haha, I'll keep it PG-13 with ye good old classic pint."

When Mark snapped out of his mental train of thoughts, he noticed the Irish man sitting next to him, a bottle of beer adorning his right hand, as his left pushed some of the, to him, obnoxious cushions aside. "I meant keeping it kid-friendly, by the way." He carefully nudged Mark's arm, handing him a bottle. "I'm not an annoying drunk whatsoever. I just get loud as balls!"

Opening his bottle, Mark snickered. "Can you get even louder?"

"What d'ya think? I'm the perfect figurehead of our fine Irish culture!"

* * *

 

Footsteps. Yeah .. those were certainly footsteps, no doubt about it. Clattering of porcelain.. Cutlery? Sean grunted as he opened his eyes, eyelids feeling as heavy as a whale giving birth mid winter -- and shutting them immediately after, regretting even opening them in the first place, as soon as the direct daylight hit his corneas. "Mark?"

A moment of complete silence. "..Shit." Some more clattering sounds resounded, then everything went silent again. "Did I wake you?"

Squeezing his eyes to slits, Sean rubbed them as he sat upright. "Kinda.."

"Well .. Can I make it up with some freshly made coffee?"

Was the Irish man slightly hung over? .. No, it couldn't be. Sean hung over, yeah right! Right? Maybe a little ..

He yawned loudly as he stretched his upper body. "What time did I hit the four post Inn?"

Even with the knowledge that his new roommate wouldn't ever be able to see his current facial expression, Mark couldn't help but to raise an eyebrow in utter confusion. "Come again?" He neatly made the table, stacking up the cutlery and foods in a fashion, only a real-time housewife would do.

"Hit the sack." Sean sighed, running a couple of digits through his messy neon green colored hair.

"Are you sure about that? It might hurt." Mark said trifled, making his way through the living room, to end up opening one of the many windows. The sudden addition of cool air, made Sean cringe. Oh morning, glorious, cold-hearted bastard you are..

"You into that stuff?" The low voice Mark spoke in, went right past Sean's only half-awake brain.

" 'Sup w'cha der?" He grunted, still trying to figure out how the hell he should position himself on the small couch.

"I'm just pulling ya. You fell asleep after downing a couple of beers."  
Mark's broad frame darted back into the kitchen, disappearing behind a set of creme colored walls. "And you were right, by the way."

A pair of blue eyes shifted towards the doorway that led to the dining area. He needed way more time to fully awaken. Mind games like these didn't register in his weary state of mind, and his Irish roots were destined to assist him with this exhaustive task. 9 AM .. You've got to be kidding me, right?

"Sure .. Like?"

"You really aren't an invidious drunk. In fact, you become quite .. physical."

Sean rose onto his feet, nearly running to the kitchen. Physical? Physical how? Physical why? He needed a further explanation, this wasn't nearly enough to prosper on.. Not again, Jackaboy.

"I chopped a few _shcoops_?"

Already seated, Mark gestured his friend to sit down with him. "Sorry?" he asked once the 25-year old took a seat, a fearful expression plastered onto his worried face. "How much have I had?" Sean asked again, planting his fists onto the wooden table leaf. Mark smiled then. "Not that much. 3 to 4 beers, tops." He brought a piece of bread closer to his mouth, before stopping in his tracks. "Oh .. and you chugged down a few shots of absinthe."

Sean nearly popped a vein upon seeing the calm manner in which Mark had just said that. A few shots of absinthe? How many?!

"How much? And please, tell me more about the 'physical' aspect of it all?"

Biting a chunk out of his sandwich, the Korean man simply nodded. How he loved to mess with people, even if it was for his sole amusement. Good grief .. the sadism. Darkiplier would approve!

"We did the sex, Jackaboy. Up the PooperDooper."

"Yer wheelin' me, aren't cha?!"

"God, I wish I weren't. Now, please do help yourself to a nutritious breakfast."  
The tranquility that shrouded Mark's behavior smelled like a pork's behind. Sean realized he was being played big time, he had to be. You don't wake up blissfully after taking 'a few' shots of absinthe! Fucking ABSINTHE! Well.. Blissfully is rash way of putting up the manner in which he'd awoken.. "Usually I tend to get off the rack when I over-do myself.."

Mark snickered. "I'm just messing with you. You drank one shot of absinthe. You're alive and well, aren't cha?" He took another bite of his sandwich, fixating his eyes on Sean. "You just got a bit more .. talkative. Hence physical, as you wanted to emphasize your stories."

The green-haired young adult breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing that sweet release. "Oh, thank the Lord.."

"You were very animated, that's for sure." Mark said in a laughing-kind of way.

"I can't contain that bossness all t' time, ya kno'?"


	2. O2.

"Did I spill some of my horrible secrets?" Sean asked, grabbing a hold of his mug of freshly made coffee. God, the smell alone lifted a weight of his shoulders. He almost believed it lifted the minor headache wrapping its hands around his poor, exhausted brain. As far as his knowledge stretched about his own behavior when drunk, he was aware of the fact that he wouldn't shy away from spitting out the most obscene stories about his past. Only God knows how much of his prior personal life had been outed thus far. With him being the one to blame for that load of monkey junk being lit on his porch. He should be held responsible for other people knowing all about his ins and outs. Then again, his past experience as a bartender, certainly had a hand in the growth of said behavior. Sure, Sean drank as a teen, even got drunk a few times, but only on rare occasions. Usually he'd save those moments for the few times he actually got to hit the town with one of his very few mates. Yet drinking by itself, was an activity Sean enjoyed with every fibre of his soul. Not so much for the essence of gettin' shit-faced, more or less for its social feel. Sean loved interacting with people, even if this did not always measure up with the way the carried himself around. When drunk, he'd be able to let go of all of his inhibitions, something he was terrible at when sober. He found solace in the idea that alcohol could be held responsible for his dumb actions when under the influence of the substance. It comforted his scatterbrained soul.  
  
Mark shifted in his seat, bringing his hands up to his face. With his index finger, he scratched along his jaw line, following the path of facial hair present on that particular patch of skin. Experiencing a mildly intoxicated Sean McLoughlin was rather mesmerizing, to say the least. Sean wasn't grumpy, aggressive or foul-mouthed in the slightest, well, not more than he would usually be when sober.. Loud, yes, very much so. But then again, that **wàs** his trademark thing. That's what he is known for, and it suited him better than anyone else Mark could think of. In Marks opinion, he found Sean a rather .. charming drunk. Oh alcohol, how you disguise the insecurity with obscurity. Oh alcohol, how you transform the quiescent into the vociferous.. Quite deceiving, but usually in a admissible fashion.. "Personally, I wouldn't refer to them as 'secrets'. You just told me little bits about your family and childhood."  
  
Sean swallowed. So he did, eventually. Old habits never die, or so they say. He prayed to whatever entity wanted to lend him an ear, that he kept his usual bullshit on fairly moderate levels. Not that he feared Mark's reaction in the slightest -- having all of his dirty laundry hung to dry in the city's centre, did not leave him pleased at all. Naturally, it would not. No sane person would enjoy such a revelation. Thus that vicious circle tended not to be broken any time soon.  
  
"You did, however, share a certain truth with me." Mark's voice cut past the Irish man's eardrums, leaving him tensed, and a little cramped up in his seat. "Suck me onions .." He sighed defeated. A part of him wanted to ask on, when another suggested a quick escape. The door was right there.. No, he did not want to give in so easily.  
  
"A truth concerning what exactly?" Did he want to hear Mark's answer? He had to ..  
  
"Sex."  
  
A set of eyebrows dropped in a downwards fashion, revealing tiny wrinkles around Sean's nose. That was quite revealing .. He sighed again.  
"Could ya be a wee more specific?"  
  
A confession concerning sex was a big subject in its whole. It could be interpreted in a number of ways, so he had no option than to ask further. Even if his gut feeling was dismissing the option, abort mission, abort mission his common sense screamed in an ear-numbing tone.  
  
"Your first sexual encounter, to be exact."  
  
Still not really getting there. More information was needed. Goddamn it, Mark. You are enjoying this, ain't ya?  
  
"You're really doing a number on me, Mark."  
  
The Korean man sipped his coffee serenely, savoring the bitter taste of the nectar of the Gods. Yeah, that was the stuff he needed to function on a daily basis. Where would humanity be without this black liquid? The gutters, that was a possibility. Most likely .. aside from those who did not see the glory in this specific drink. Well, their loss.  
"Age 19." he then said, snickering in a devious, yet lovable manner. He did not want to torment Sean the way he did, yet he could not restrain from it. The expressions his face would put together were just too damn priceless. Adorable even, maybe?  
  
That's when it all clicked with the green-haired man. His face dropped, and his arms went limb. "Ah, _shite_! Don't tell me.."  
  
The Korean man nodded, his pink hair bouncing around excitedly. "Abigail. Short tempered, but a lovable gall nonetheless."  
  
Putting up a fight was no longer an option for Sean. Nah, that ship had long sailed, unfortunately.. God, Abigail. That brought back a flood of suppressed memories. If he remembered correctly, he had met Abigail through a mutual friend. Well, friend was a loosely used term, as the kid had been one of the few children living on Sean's block at the time. The two of them never really liked each other, and never really came to agree on their tastes in music and other tedious subjects that normal people bonded over. Yet due to the lack of any other neighborhood play-pals, they were practically forced to hang out. Their parents also insisted that they got along, for some reason that went way over Sean's head at the time. He went to a small elementary school on the outskirts of town, where his 'friend' befriended Abigail. And all cliché coincidences aside, through one of their forced play dates, he came in contact with Abigail. And that is how it pretty much went from there on. Sean and Abigail hit it off within a blink of an eye. It almost seemed as if it was meant to be that the both of them were to enter the other's life. They'd been best friends all through high school and eventually hooked up at one of the school's many outdoor activities. Once they both graduated, it happened. Sean never planned for it to take place then and there, but fuck, he'd be damned to complain about losing his virginity. He was already past the 18 mark, and in most places, that translates to late bloomer. Once Sean'd become so occupied with his amateur band, he kinda lost his touch with Abigail, and they eventually grew apart. He'd actually run into her a couple of years ago, when he just started dating a Korean girl. Not the best time, but the unexpected meeting cleared up a lot of plot holes to Abigail's absence. She got accepted to a pristine university in London, therefore moved out of Ireland. Leaving everything and everyone behind, just for the sake of pursuing her dreams. And Sean for one, did not blame her for doing so. He found it quite admirable.  
  
Sean locked eyes with his room mate, finding his awaiting gaze lingering on him for quite a while now. "You can't catch flies with vinegar." Yet Mark showed complete and utter disbelief, it practically oozed out of his eardrums, as we speak. "Seriously tho', man? You lost your virginity at the age of 19? How?! I mean .. I've seen 'em more busted!"  
  
The Irish man just shrugged. Shrugged it off, but that's up to debate. "Ya gotta strike when t'a iron is hot. As a teen I was full of da prig. Girls were.. well, rare as hen's teeth."  
  
And though that excuse was even more full of it than Sean was at age 16, it held some truth. Ireland wasn't known for its amount of dandy women. Sure, there were lookers, you'll find those anywhere, even the bloody desert, but sexuality wasn't as 'explored' as it would've been in America. Heck, the right to explore got so exploited in the US, that Irish teens tied their nooses at age 15.. Such tragedy, and what for?  
  
"I had a hard time believing that. I mean, really..? I'm not frowning upon it, don't get me wrong, I just find it so damn hard to believe." Mark simply explained.  
  
"Believe it or not. Sex wasn't on my mind 'til I hit 20."  
  
Mark frowned, despite saying he would not. "Asexual much.."  
  
"G'luck so. -- No shits given, to be honest. Ya first time sucks anyway."  
  
Mark now shrugged. That was so true, he wanted to frame it. Maybe embroider in onto a pillow. - "I guess that's right. I was 17 when I hit it off, so there. Only a 2 year difference. I didn't even last a minute, to be frank."  
  
Sean grinned. "I hear that, brother. I hear that."

* * *

 

Having these kinds of talks with Mark, made Sean feel somewhat more on ease. He had gotten so used to putting up a front to impress others, or a front that would connect with things wherein most people found rejoice . A front that he would despise at the end of the day, and that he was happy to smother once he was again confined within the walls of his home. Yet despite all of the above, Mark was yet to get to know his real identity. The person underneath the front the world got to know as Jacksepticeye. Heck, Sean would identify more as a startled deer in headlights, when Jacksepticeye would either ride the son of a bitch deer like a horse, or either punch it in the nipples. But then again, don't we all have a separate personality online? The internet only shows our good side, wherein our ugliest sides are kept contained behind the bars we surround our souls with.  
  
The warmth that his mug once held, had seemed to lessen within the palm of his hand. He had been so lost in thoughts, that his coffee got enough time to cool down to the point that it was rendered inconsumable. He breathed out a sigh as he set the mug down on the table top, now really starting to feel the subtle breeze that ran across his bare skin. Why did Mark think it was a good idea to open up the windows? Sure, venting a house is considered 'hygienic', but wasn't that what you did if you smoked inside the house? Or had pets even? Did non-smokers vent the house too? Come to think of it, Sean barely vented his house. He hated the cold with each and every fibre of his being, especially after just waking up. It's the same burden he carried upon stepping out of nice hot shower. Your body immediately sucks up the surrounding damp air in the room. It'd take him up to 2 hours to regain a more pleasant body temperature. So, no. An open window around the house was not of his household's main priorities. Mark finished his food, only to butter up a second slice, and even though Sean was perfectly able to keep up with his roommate, yet he wasn't quite that hungry.  
  
"What type of girl would you go for?" came Mark's sudden question. Completely out of the blue, or so Sean like to believe. In reality, it lined up perfectly with the string of previous conversations they had this morning. Now what? What kind of answer would leave Mark satisfied, and not at all under the impression that Sean was a complete and utter shallow fucker?  
  
"Eh.. Good one. I don't really .. have a type, sort'a say." The green-haired man took the silver spoon out of the mug, to drop it onto his empty plate. Some drops of lukewarm water dripped onto the wooden table top, creating wet circles on the surface. "If I like ya .. I like ya. That's my idea pretty much."  
  
Not completely false. Sean never felt like he fell for a certain physical trait that re-occurred in the girls he'd been with so far. In all honesty, his past girlfriends had been like complete opposites of one another. Abigail was a short-tempered Irish girl with stereotypical red hair, whilst Rosa lee was a modest Korean girl with dark hair. They were like night and day, yet Sean somehow fancied them.. If it clicks, it clicks, just like he had told Mark. Yeah, definitely truthful.  
  
"What if you fell in love with the personality, but not with the exterior?"  
  
Was that a common concern among Americans these days? Did people get together purely for good looks? And to think that Sean feared sounding rather shallow.. That question was full of superficiality. Would this be considered as Mark's way of getting to know people? If so.. way to break the 'privacy' barrier.  
"That.. has never happened before, so far. I mean .." He scratched his hair, giving it a moment to sink in. "I guess .. if we click on most levels, we'd find a way to make it work."  
  
He wanted to go deeper, yet he kept himself from becoming the centre of attention. He wanted to add: Besides, good looks will fade eventually. And all that'll be left, is your personality anyways. -- But that would pretty much undo Mark's question in a whole. He thought it, never said it. Crumbs flew in several directions when the Korean man took a bite out of his third or fourth sandwich-- only God knows since Sean didn't pay nearly enough attention to even keep count, nor did he even wanted to occupy himself by doing that -- while patting his chest trying to rid the shirt from some lost crumbs that found a second home on the fabric.  
  
"What if a dude declared his undying love for you?"  
  
What was it with these questions Mark spewed out today? He certainly went deep, on an entertaining level, not that it bothered Sean. Still .. it demanded a lot of digging from Sean. Digging that he preferred not to do, if it were up to him. Love, or the concept of love, was something he wasn't _thàt_ familiar with. Not that he even wanted to.. An answer, yes. Mark stared at him, as patiently as he knew the Korean man to always have been.

"Oh, uhm.." Sean mumbled, averting his gaze from Mark's dark eyes. "That's a thinker, right there."  
  
What would he do in said scenario? A guy declared his love for him and probably desired an answer. Hard to put together a fitting answer, when such things had never even took place once. Well, not if you exclude the many confessions he received from his loyal fans on social media sites. He'd gotten confessions from either gender, yet .. it wasn't quite the same as an true-to-life experience would be.  
  
"I don't really have an answer. I would hear him out, of course. Nobody likes to be rejected or ignored for no apparent reason. But .. I don't think I'd go any deeper into it."  
  
When his eyes met Mark's, he saw the man nod. Was he satisfied with that answer. It sure seemed so..  
  
"Oh, wow." A grin took over Mark's features. He placed his knife on the center of his plate, folding his arms afterwards. "Aren't you a gentle, caring soul." Then the grin went over to a smile. "That's actually somewhat respectable."  
  
The Irish man nodded in a half-assed manner. "I don't know 'bout that.. But if it has to happen due to a lack of mutual interests or other possible options, the least you could do is breaking it to them as softly as possible."  
  
"It's a pity though." Mark said as he got up and started clearing the table. He was fully aware that he had now caught Sean's full attention. "Who knows what you might be missing out on, by doing so."  
  
"With a guy, you mean?"  
  
Mark turned around, a gentle yet subtle nod with his head. "In general. Male, female, transgender.. Every spice on the shelf."  
  
Sean couldn't help but to swallow down a chunk of whatever pent up emotion forced its way down there. What was this guy getting at by blurting out such a statement? Did Mark just indirectly mention not shying away from fucking around the block ..? No, that contradicted everything he had learned about him so far.. Nah, it couldn't have been. Or did the man just try to mess with his head a little? What would he gain from that?  
  
"I wouldn't see a reason why not to. You only life once, so you should go all out." The Korean man said, as he turned around again, shoving the cutlery into the dishwasher. "At least .."  
  
He got back up, turning his head towards his roommate, just in time to catch a glimpse of his petrified expression. ".. that's from my point of view."  
  
Releasing a soft chuckle, Sean found peace within those words once again. Mark was dicking with him, no doubt.  
  
"Never saw it in ya. I thought you were more down to earth, you kno'?" He locked his eyes with Mark's. "Wife, children, career ~ happy family guy.."  
  
The black-haired man nodded in approval. "Oh, but I am, don't get me wrong. But there is no light without darkness. You just have to find the right balance."

* * *

 

 

As Mark entered the living room, he saw Sean hanging in front of the television. A sight he didn't think he would see very much of at all. "I think I recall you mentioning not really watching a lot of TV, in one of your videos." Sean's head shot up, assuming a smile as he found Mark standing in the doorway. "As I kid I used to watch TV all the damn time. I was practically glued to the screen. Once I hit puberty though, I found other interests, like music and stuff. So .. as an adult, I have a lot of catching up to do, don't ya think?" The answer Sean provided him with, didn't surprise Mark at all. Sean never really looked like your typical couch potato. Not all the damn time, that is. No, Sean would rather glue himself to another screen entirely. The computer's, for example. Now that's a screen Mark enjoyed looking at for long amounts of time as well. "Bathroom is available, by the way." Mark stated, throwing himself onto the couch, neatly next to Sean. The green-haired individual rubbed his hands together, turning his head so he could look at Mark closer. He had trimmed his beard a little, not much, nothing too obvious .. well, probably not to others. Sean noticed it .. Mark had always looked somewhat better with facial hair, than without. It made him look a bit more mature, manlier even? The man also decided to replace his usual glasses, with a set of lenses. That saddened Sean a little, not much. He had admitted multiple times, liking Mark better with his glasses on. Not that he minded Mark not wearing them, but for nostalgia's sake. He had always known Mark to wear glasses, and to see him without all of a sudden, messed with his brain. Sean was a man that needed structure, a steadfast routine that would not be broken. Yeah, perhaps a little insane in the membrane..  
  
He eventually decided to get up, to pin himself underneath the warm rays of the shower. He sure needed it, and desperately craved it too. Still, he wanted to get back at Mark for messing with his poor mind a little while ago. He tried his best to put up a sad face, to the best of his own know-how. And how to put on a sad face, was a given skill he knew how to use to his best advantages. " _Naw_.. And I thought you wanted to offer to scrub my back." Mark's eyebrows skyrocketed, the highest Sean had ever seen anyone raise their eyebrows. The man's lips trembled for a second, before he decided to shake if off. Way to play it cool, Fischbach. "Don't tempt me, Irish boy.." His hand quickly found the TV remote, and his fingers crept over a few of its many buttons. "Too bad." Sean snorted, swiftly pointing his index finger at the red flannel shirt Mark was wearing. "What are ya up t'a?" This didn't quite hit home with the 26-year old Korean. His eyes darted over his clothes, and eventually back to Sean. "What do you mean?" The slender Irish man had already crossed his arms by now. "Lucky flannel. That means one out of two things: You're either gonna rob some poor fucker of his self esteem, or you're about to _swood_ someone." As Sean made his way to the hallway, Mark shouted after him. "Well.. I was hoping you'd let me _swood_ you, actually." Shaking his head and grinning like a 7-year old, Sean continued his journey up the stairs.  
  
\- -  
  
"I'm gonna go out to get some fresh air. Maybe a cup of coffee as well. Would you care to join me, Mark?" Sean said, as he pulled his jacket over his shoulders. And before he could even turn around to throw Mark one of his best puppy-eyed looks, the man already stood right beside him. Already dressed in a black winter coat and a greyish colored scarf. "Eager, are we?" Sean said jokingly, wrapping his own woollen scarf around his neck. "Naturally I want to spend time with my very own Seanpai!" came Mark's excited remark, as he handed Sean his beanie. "You're such a weirdo, man!" He retorted, smiling on the inside. A smile that matched Mark's. "Correction: a lovable weirdo!" Grabbing a hold of Mark's bicep, he walked towards the front door, much to Mark's enjoyment. "Ooh! I like it a little rough! You're so feisty!"  
  
The actual walk to a heavily populated part of town, only took about 15 minutes. And within those 15 minutes, Sean had already grown tired of the view on the many neon billboards and prestige fashion boutiques meeting his eye on just about every goddamn corner. "Any bars around we can go t'a?" He asked, as his eyes wandered aimlessly. No such luck, as Mark steadily shook his head, his hands burrowed deeply into his pockets. "I don't know about the bars you have in Ireland, but they don't open up until 4PM around here.." Sean's face dropped. "So far for our walk then .." Mark could only smile apologetic. "This is LA, buddy. Forests, not so much. Buildings-a-plenty." -- "I'm gonna miss me green home, I reckon'."  
  
A pout made its way onto Mark's face sporadically. "So .. no first date with _Seanpai_ then?" Hearing that statement, brought a genuine smile upon Sean's face. "By all means, it should be the other way around. You're older, and well.. I'm the one that has always looked up to you." Mark couldn't stop a grin from spreading across his face. "Have you now?" Another nod from his Irish roommate. "So, technically speaking, you've got all the right traits to be _Senpaiplier._ " Mark threw his arm around Sean's slender shoulder, pulling him in closer. "And would you be my creepy, but lovable _Seandere-chan_?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
" **Damn**. Oh well.."  
  
"Besides.. I'm more of a submissive lover. I'm sure that you'd prefer it if they were to put up somewhat of a struggle."  
  
"I can't deny that if my life depended on it. So .." He said, bringing his lips closer to Sean's ear. "..You're submissive, ey?" He felt Sean shudder underneath the hold he had on his roommate. Strike one, a desired effect. "Lazy is the word I was initially looking for.." The slightly younger male spoke, trying his best to avoid Mark's playful gaze. Said man cocked a playful eyebrow, lips pressed to a thin line. "You're a lazy lover? So .. The girl climbs on top and you just lay there to receive it?" Sean laughed nervously, wriggling out of Mark's hold. "Let's continue this with a mug o' coffee, shall we?"  
"Getting a bit uncomfortable there, Jackaboy?" Mark laughed.  
  
"Not the case! This is just .. not the right environment for these kinds of conversations.. Coffee and talk more?"  
  
"I'll lead the way, _bae_."

* * *

 

Sean had followed the Korean man like a chicken without its head. Along the way, he noticed how the lively streets of California changed into more desolated areas the longer they walked. Neon signs made room for wooden chalk boards that were placed outside of certain shops. The expensive-looking boutiques were replaced with local coffee bars, and small fast food restaurants. This was more like it, he thought. This was the small city atmosphere he had gotten used to. Contrary to the previous area they were in, this one wasn't as heavily crowded at all. Every now and then, a handful of people would populate the streets, only for them to end up disappearing into a nearby coffee bar. The streets were also decorated with perfectly lined up trees, smaller than the ones he knew and loved back home, but some green nonetheless. Sean came to a sudden stop, when he crashed face-first into Mark's backside. He hissed, muttering a lullaby of curses, and rubbing his pained nose. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, lips dripping down like droplets of rain. That'd hurt, and it could have been avoided if he hadn't gotten so lost in his own thoughts. When he finally looked up, he was greeted by the sweet smile that Mark wore on his lips. With a nod of the head, he gestured towards a shop window. As Sean followed his gaze, he ended up casting a confused look onto the elegant letters that were painted on the glass. "Jack's Coffee & Sweets." it read, only adding to Sean's growing confusion. Smiling at the sight, Mark hooked his arm with Sean's, dragging him with him as he made his way through the entrance door. A small, yet cozy bar revealed itself to both men. Most furniture was made out of woods and the warm, forest-like feeling that overwhelmed the Irish man, reminded him of home right off the bat.  
  
"Good morning. Table for two?"  
  
The sudden voice belonged to the shop's owner, or that was the impression Sean had of the man. He followed Mark into a booth next to the window, and calmly stripped himself from his thick winter clothing. Mark had nodded toward the man, nudging Sean softly, as to inform him his order could be taken now. The man that stood at their table, must've been in his mid thirties. A nice, thick beard adorned his face, along with a modern, partly shaven haircut held in place with a considerable amount of either hairspray or wax. He was dressed in a powder blue colored tight dress shirt, and creme colored skinny jeans. Hipster alert. Despite his defined taste in fashion, he did not look like the kind of man, Sean would like to get into a fight with. The green-haired man flashed the shop's owner a wide smile. "Top o' da mornin'." He said cheerfully, which received a chuckle from Mark, as well as the hipster-dude.  
  
"How can I be of service to you fine young men?"  
  
This man just oozed out elegance, Sean immediately thought upon hearing the man speak to them. Across from him, he saw Mark swiftly turning the pages of the menu. "I'd like a ..Flat White, please." He then said, handing Sean the menu. But the man shook his head, holding out one of his hands. "I'll just get what I always get at coffee bars." He turned to the owner. "I would like a black coffee with a shot of rum." He got a nod in response, before the man walked away, leaving the two men by themselves. Mark felt at peace, or so was the impression Sean had gotten, as the looked out of the window, following some people as they walked by. Some carried bags filled with groceries, whilst others walked their dogs. It gave off the idea that this was just another ordinary Thursday morning. It was, but the Irish man felt like it needed to be confirmed somehow. And seeing people run about, occupied with their daily tasks, reassured him that life as he knew it in Ireland, did not somehow change once he moved to Los Angeles. "You share some likelihood with this shop's owner." Mark's voice interrupted his train of thoughts, bringing him back to earth with both feet. ".. Then again, it starts and ends with just sharing a similar name, so .. that's not all that exciting." Sean smiled nonetheless. "It will take the downfall of an entire village to get me into a pair of skinny jeans, though."  
  
They both sat in silence for a while, stirring their hot beverages, lost in their own thoughts yet again. It was Mark who decided to break the silence again. "How can you get lazy at sex, out of all things..?" There was no clear answer to the question, Sean never pondered over it once. It didn't bother him at all, never had, so why would it start bothering him now? He shrugged, licking some excess coffee off of his spoon, enjoying the warmth that radiated off of the mug, and jumped over onto the palms of his hands. "Beats me. I'm just like .. get it over with so we can move on." The man that sat across from him chuckled softly. In all fairness, Mark pictured Sean as a highly sexual person. A man that was fond of intercourse, and loved to discuss the matter shamelessly. "You haven't been living. You are 25-years of age.." Mark simply could not comprehend the given information. The green-haired one raised his hands. "In my defence; I'm fairly timid when it comes to these things. I'm not a smooth operator by a long shot!" They locked eyes for a moment, then Mark took a sip of his drink. "Neither am I. I usually bust some crappy jokes, which coincidentally work like a charm for me." That made sense, Sean could imagine women being swept of their feet by Mark's humorous charms. Then Mark continued. "You learn by doing. Practice makes perfect, I s'pose." The man placed his mug on the little plate, shrugging halfheartedly. "Fact of the matter is, you won't meet women staring at a screen all day." He then frowned, when the realization hit him on how most of modern society hooked up via social media. "Well, you could.. but you get my point. You have to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, and go out there. Into the wilderness that is life." Once he noticed how attentively Sean had been listening, he smiled. Sean's mouth was half agape, his blue eyes shimmering with anticipation. "Besides, you are a good looking fella. I'm sure you'd have them lining up for you, in no time."  
  
Eventually Sean cracked a smile. "Do ya kno' what septic means in Irish slang?"  
Mark simple shrugged his shoulders. "No, please, do enlighten me on the matter."  
  
"Someone who's butt ugly. Busted as all hell." Sean sipped his coffee, peering over the edges of the mug.  
"Tells ya a bit 'bout the way I see _meself_ , don't it?"

* * *

 

 

"Well, from one friend to another, you have no reason to feel that way about yourself."  
  
And he meant each and every word of it. When the phenomenon 'Jacksepticeye' was first brought to his attention, Mark had no clue as to what to expect from the guy. All he was informed on, was the fact that the guy was from Ireland, and liked to cuss and shout for no damn reason whatsoever. Once the majority of the internet discovered the hidden gem we now know as Sean McLoughlin, Mark couldn't get around the flood of messages he got from people, asking him how he felt about this new face, what his thoughts were on Jack, and even a few begging him to record a couple of co-ops with the guy. At long last he gave in and messaged him through social media. They'd been talking for while, bonding over their mutual love for video games and movies. Mark never considered the possibility of calling Jack a 'friend', seeing how he saw that term only applied to people he would hang out with on a regular basis. And .. Ireland wasn't exactly around the corner. They had first met at PAX east. Mark being his usual goofy self, did not even notice the quick glances Sean cast in his direction, and he had done that an awful lot of times, honestly. It wasn't up until the point that one of his friends pointed out that Jack had been wandering around the place wantonly, that Mark figured he'd probably better jump to the rescue. The guy froze instantly whilom his eyes met a pair of darker ones. Mark never thought anything of it at the time, he had gotten fairly used to leaving people in utter astonishment once they'd meet him in person. -- They shared little inter locution concerning bits of the usual shit they'd tend to talk about. Heck, Sean even proposed to him at one point. And despite the fact that Mark rejected the offer, he couldn't help but admire the balls Sean had for doing such a thing in public. From there out on, they'd been talking a lot more, playing games together -- having a blast in general.  
  
"I love how you emphasized the word 'friend'." At least Sean saw some light at the end of that tunnel.  
  
"Besides, how many people find themselves attractive?"  
  
Mark had learned a lot about his Irish friend, in such a short period of time. He was a crack in deciphering people's personalities. All he had to do was ask subtle, yet deep questions. Sean had not noticed anything about the digging aspect of it thus far, so that worked in his favor. The information he had gathered so far, only let him in on the fact that Sean had a tendency to become lonely very easily, he subconsciously craved being praised, and held a lot of insecurity and other suppressed emotions bottled up inside of him. So far, nothing remotely positive in nature, but then again, every human being has his fair share of negativity surrounding and shaping them in the end. Nothing off about that.  
  
"Sean, what's with you and those feels today?"  
  
The green-haired Irish man did not even look up, he kept his eyes fixated on the mug that he held between his two hands.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steer this conversation toward self-loathing depths." He looked up after all, meeting a worried set of brown eyes. The feeling of guilt washed over him. "I'll save it for my VLOGs."  
  
Mark and Sean had discussed wanting to meet up more often, but agreed that the distance between them, would most likely keep that from happening. Mark didn't have the time nor money to fly back and forth repeatedly, and neither did Sean. So they stuck to Skype sessions in an attempt to stay in touch, without losing the personal and familiar feel of seeing each other's reaction as they spewed their usual gone-to-crap topics. It had reached such extremes, that mutual fans started to notice a periodic pattern of excessive conversing between the two of them. So they broke it off a little, only to regret that decision later on and pick it right back up, from where they had left it off before. They grew quite fond of each other, and despite Mark's set definition of what a 'friend' should be, Sean definitely earned himself the title of 'good friend'.  
  
"Are you .. alright?"  
  
Mark leaned in closer, trying to close the gap present between them. The table they were seated at and which kept a reasonable amount of space between them, now only got on Mark's nerves, as he wanted to comfort his, seemingly needy, friend. He saw Sean send him a short nod, followed up by a half-assed smile. "I don't want to go in too deep 'bout that _shite_ right now. Our conversation was going so well, and .. I want to leave it with good spirits, if ya don' mind?"  
  
The mood went from a cozy, warm and homey feel, to a rather sombre, heavy, smothering one. This went from point A to Z in a heartbeat, and Mark felt somewhat responsible for that sudden change of atmosphere. He wanted to lighten things up a little, and the only way how to do that, that he was familiar with, was releasing the Jack-in-the-Box. ... Wrong choice of words, he chuckled.  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?"  
  
Blue eyes pierced through his very soul. "Sure.."  
  
"I kind of .. want to .. lick your hair. " The Korean man quickly raised his arms defensively. "It just .. it looks so green! A lot like .. apples, or other green stuff that probably tastes really good!"  
  
There it was, a little smile. It wasn't a tooth-full, but it was a start. Sean shook his head, rubbing his hands through his eyes in the process. Mark was just a bit too much sometimes, yet he loved it at the same time. He couldn't quite put it to words.. Mark was just .. there.   
  
"Go ahead, if 't is what'll make yer day.."  


* * *

  
  
When they had returned back home, Sean's brain had convinced him that hiding away inside his bedroom, would be in his best interest. Mark didn't see the why and how about it, he barely understood what had driven Sean to withdraw to such extremes. The guy would only leave his confined space for a quick bathroom break and snacks. The ignorance drove Mark up the walls. He was close to taking full responsibility for opening Pandora's fucking Box.  
  
"Jackie, are you doing okay in there?"  
  
When he received no answer, he decided to knock. Still not receiving any signs of life, he decided to take the bold right turn, on this worrisome, and abandoned road. As he opened the door, he was met with complete darkness at first glance. He made his way further into Sean's room, sneaking around on his heels, pretty much as if not trying to wake a sleeping beast of some sort. The weak echoes of muted music whizzed through the small area, servicing as a guide through the pitch black darkness that surrounded him, and had filled up the room. He fumbled around with his hands, switching on a desktop lamp upon finding its wire. Once the room lit up, Mark turned to find his room mate sprawled on his bed, with his headphones hanging loosely around his neck. So that was the origin of the mysterious ballads. He carefully made his way over to the sleeping figure, extending an arm to softly shake him a little. No reaction, another shake, this time a bit more rough. The man grunted, squeezing his eyes even more shut, causing wrinkles to rumple his face. He then opened his eyes, still not fully awoken. The first thing he saw, was the warm smile on Mark's face. "Finally decided to wake up, huh?"  
  
The Korean man stood upright, spinning on the balls of his feet, as he made his way to the door. "I"ve made some dinner. I figured you'd be hungry by now, since you last ate something this morning." Sean sat upright, stretching his upper body, releasing a built up yawn. "I'm alright, just needed some rest. What d'ya prepare?"  
  
"Brown rice with chicken and curry." Mark said, turning his head in Sean's direction. "It's not much, but enough to fill our stomachs with. You coming, right?"  
  
"I"ll be down in a bit. Just .. let me wake up in peace, would you kindly..?"  
  
"Okay. Take your time, I'll see you in a bit then. "

* * *

 

When Sean had finally settled with exchanging his comfortable and cozy bed, for the very lively kitchen, the first thing that caught his undivided attention, was the mouth watering smell of freshly made curry, and many spices the chicken was seasoned with. His room mate stood bent over the stove, stirring the rice as it were left to cook on one of the heated plates. A kitchen towel draped over one of his shoulders, with which he dried or cleaned his hands every couple of minutes. _Heck_ , Sean thought, _Mark really showed clear symptoms of underutilized mother/father feelings_. He evidently seemed to be in his element while doing household chores like these. Within the two weeks that Sean had been living here, he hadn't been asked to help out once. Perhaps Mark didn't want to burden him with such tedious tasks, or maybe he just liked to be in control. Such a shame, because Sean would be more than happy to put his hands to work. Maybe .. he could just offer Mark a hand from time to time. To lessen Mark's feeling of being overly demanding towards his roommate. -- Sean almost felt ungrateful for just sliding his legs under the table and shoving his mouth full with food..

"Have a seat." Mark then spoke, cleaning his hands with the kitchen towel once more. "I hope you are hungry."

It beat Sean where Mark kept finding the enthusiasm, and the motivation to put up such a amicable front. The man cooked their food, washed their clothes, cleaned up after them, bought their groceries and bathroom supplies, and what did Sean do in return? Sleep his days away, that's what. He felt like kicking himself in the shins for that exact reason. And yet, Mark did not seem to be affected by this unhealthy, and thankless behavior..   
Mark soon joined Sean at the table, throwing the kitchen towel onto one of the kitchen dressers, when he noticed it was still hanging over his shoulder. Without giving it some thought, he picked up Sean's plate and starting filling it with the deliciously smelling food. "Did you get some rest?" He asked, as he kept scooping spoons of food onto the, already, towering amounts in stock. Sean could only stare at the intimidating mountain of rice that was now placed in front of him on the table. _Mark, you're too generous, really.._   "The same amount I usually get.." He looked up, and into Mark's gentle eyes. "Maybe you should hit the sack early today. .. You know, since you sure seem to need the sleep, 's all."

The Irish man took a closer look at his many bracelets, fidgeting with them in a nervous manner. "I'll just probably end up doing the exact opposite.." He met Mark's encouraging facial expression, as the man took a first bite of his meal. Sean then tried to flash a halfhearted smile. "But, thanks for the concern." Mark shook his head, and noticed how Sean barely touched his food. "That's self-evident, buddy." After a moment of silence, Sean poured himself some coke. Ever since they had that conversation, things got way more complicated between the two men. Mark had put his heart and soul out, to make his friend feel welcome, and at home. Sean on the other hand, felt out of place.. "You are a kind man, Mark." He spoke, closing his hand around the glass.

"I try bringing out the best of me, to encourage others to do the same."

Sean merely nodded. "I hope you succeed."

* * *

 

"What 're ya watchin'?" A very bored Sean McLoughlin asked, before roaring out a loud yawn to clarify his growing boredom. Mark had been watching some TV, as neither of them felt the urge to place themselves in front of a computer screen. A break was certainly needed, but in the end, they only replaced once screen with another. "Nothing really.." He turned to his Irish friend, somewhat relieved that he at least made an effort to socialize, after being locked in his bedroom all day. "Are you feeling any better?" Sean nodded, and he grabbed one of the cushions, to place it in his lap. He pulled up his knees, trapping the cushion in place, and wrapping his arms around it. The sight alone, put a smile on Mark's lips. "Cute." He said, and pointed at the cushion Sean held captive in his embrace. When Sean followed Mark's gaze, he smiled dumbly. Mark then let himself fall against the head support. "It's nice to see you smile again. It suits you a lot better than a frown."  
A faint blush crept across Sean's cheeks, as he tightened his grip on the pillow. "C'mon now Mark.. You're gettin' me all flustered..." Grinning widely, Mark grabbed Sean's arm and pulled him closer to him. "Nothing wrong with a bit of blood rushing to a _head_." Sean grinned when he heard the double meaning.

This kind of atmosphere, was one that Sean could fully enjoy. -- Learning that he, sort of, enjoyed Mark's body heat, he let his head fall against his broad shoulder, as he allowed himself to close his tired eyes. The man shot him a quick look, before frowning to himself. "You know what I could use, right now?"

"I hope it's consumable.." Sean spoke softly.

"Yeah, booze. I did good today. I've earned a hangover in the morning."

"You did good how?" came Sean's question, and he opened his eyes.

"I"ve comforted you without coming on too strong. That's admirable, no?"

Their eyes met shortly, before Sean decided to close them again. "Sure, lad. Sure.." he said grinning.


	3. O3.

Mark opened a can of beer, taking a quick sip. The oaky taste of the substance lingered on his tongue -- this is exactly what he needed. Especially after going to the store, to pick up fresh ingredients for their evening meal. Mark tended to do his shopping at one of the few rising bio-stores in town. Sure, it would be a tad more pricey, but in the long run it was all in good interests. For a fresh, homemade meal he was more than happy to pay a few more bucks. He loved to cook, as it fit in perfectly with his caring nature. He discovered his fondness of cooking throughout his childhood, when his mother asked him to help around the house quite frequently. He did it with a passion. Taking care of a household, was something that filled him with a feeling of fulfillment. But if Marked lived all by himself, he could tend to become a major slob. When not in the company of others, or without set goals for the day, Mark could care less about tidying up, nor preparing meals for himself. He'd just sit around in his pyjamas all day, watching some random television shows, or playing a movie if there was a lack of said shows. In the past, and that would be up and around 3 years ago, when he'd shared an apartment with his two friends Bob Muyskens and Wade Barnes, he assumed the role of head of the household. He'd order his two roommates around, giving them set tasks per day, like only a real mother could do in full tyranny. Bob took more responsibility than Wade ever did, nor intended to do. At least Bob did the effort of finding a 9 to 5 job, bringing in a bit of money. Wade on the other hand, found more joy in spending time with his girlfriend, even bringing her over without notice. Mark gritted his teeth more than he could keep count of. He didn't mind Wade wanting to stay close to his girlfriend , yet a little heads up would've been much appreciated. Not to mention the nights when both Bob and Mark had to cover their heads with their pillows, in an attempt to block out the ecstatic noises coming from Wade's room. Sean was less demanding in comparison. Sure, Mark had to do pretty much everything for him, and the guy never really lend a hand, but Mark could tell Sean was grateful for the things Mark did around the house. Aside from that, Sean was a great guy to share a house with. Mark liked having the likes of him around. So he could overlook all of the above.

He turned his head toward the green-haired man, and saw how he licked the remaining drops of alcohol of off his lips. His tongue reached just about all the surrounding skin, only for that body part to withdraw back into its dark cave. Fascinating to say the least. Sean absolutely relished any given alcohol within his possession. -- The 25-year old was still seated quite close to him, yet the pillow was still situated on his lap. Mark held back the need to just pull him in for a hug. He did not want to undo the progress he had made so far, or even risk the possibility of scaring him away. No, he had to wait this out patiently. Everything on its own pace, that's the best for both parties, right? With his elbow, he nudged the young man gently. "Do you know what I think you crave at the moment?" Sean's blue eyes traced back to Mark's darker ones, only to fall back onto the can of beer he held in his hand. "Tell me." Mark had an idea, he was not certain, but he had an idea. Sean had always given off that 'rebel' vibe. He looked like the kind of guy that raged against the system as a teen. He could already imagine him to be clothed in all black, chains attached to his belt, worn out sneakers and jeans. -- Mark had already learned that Sean was into metal-music. It suited him, Sean _wàs_ a rebel. An intelligent rebel. He fought against the faulty system, with all the right reasons on his mind. How Sean managed to endure listening to that kind of rubbish, completely went over Mark's head. He'd rather enjoy some classical tunes, something soothing. But hey, whatever floats your boat..

"Nicotine. Am I right?"

He saw Sean shift in his seat for a bit. Was that an indirect confession? Mark never smoked in his life, so he had no idea what effects nicotine could possibly have on a person. If you leave out the few times that he actually took a drag, only with the intention of knowing what it actually tastes like. He did not like it, at all. He did not understand how people got enjoyment out of those things .. they tasted like shit, they smelled and they were bad for your common health. You'd think there must have been at least ONE thing that smokers benefit from by smoking? But no, Mark couldn't see the sun behind those clogged up clouds.. Sean had smoked in the past, or so he had said on the very first day he moved in. One thing Mark was aware of about the topic of smoking, was the fact that it was said to be a bitch to quit. But then again, wasn't any given addiction..?

"Can't deny I'd love a fag every now and then.." Sean then said, chugging down another amount of beer. Somehow, Mark found it reasonable to picture Sean with a cigarette between his fingers. He had the right outward look and personality to be seen as a smoker. Heck, he wouldn't even mind if Sean were to pick it up once again. If it was the one thing that put Sean to ease, than he'd be able to overlook it. Probably even put up with it. He'd want to try to do so for Sean. "Why did you quit then? I mean .. aside from the obvious health benefits."

That's right. If Sean used to smoke in the past, then there must have been a reason for him to have quit. As far as he figured out Sean as a person, he was sure that the man did not quit for health reasons. Sean didn't seem like the kind of guy that cared about his health that much.. at least, not as much as Mark did. Mark valued his good health .. but there had to be exceptions to the bunch. He raised his eyebrows when he heard Sean's answer. "My former girlfriend was steadfast against smoking. That .. and it's one hell of an expensive habit."

Mark bet it was. "Why didn't you pick it back up then, once you broke up?"  
Sean had smiled, it had been a weak smile, as in sayin' that he would've wanted to, but he was unable to undo his made decision considering this subject. "At that point, I'd been nicotine free for almost 3 years . It would've just felt as if those years would've been wasted effort if I were to start again." He took another sip, staring ahead of him for a couple of seconds. "And... at the time a pack was about 5 euros. I don't want to know how much that price has increased by now."

Mark's eyes grew wide. "That's a large sum of money spent on sustaining a slow suicide..." His gaze then got softer. "Good thing you did quit then."

Agreeing, Sean nodded steadily. "Plus, it's a nice change of pace to not hear non-smokers tell you you reek of tobacco." He looked at Mark, smiling widely. "So, good of me, ain't it?"

Mark melted upon seeing that hearty smile plastered onto Sean's face. It was so many kinds of adorable, he just wanted to flail his arms about, screaming and squeaking. Yet he maintained a calm posture. He ran his hand through Sean's hair, nodding in agreement. "That's a good Irish boy!"

As Sean retracted from the sudden act of praise, he gulped down some more beer. "Another night spend drinking. You are a bad influence on me, you know that Fischbach?" He let his frame fall back against the back support of the couch. "I know that it sounds premature, but this time I'mma try to keep an eye on the amount."

Mark loved seeing how Sean's current gloom-filled mood had been lifted, and he was able to re-awaken his former self. Sure.. alcohol was involved, but then again .. they were both adults. They could handle a certain amount of it.. Well, at least Mark did, since Sean couldn't hold his liquor worth two cups of shit.. "Nobody told you to get hammered. Even though .." He grinned to himself, despite the fact that his roommate was perfectly capable of seeing this expression linger on his face. ".. You are charming when slightly drunk."

With the swiftness of an eagle of some sort, the Irish man raised his arms into the air. He pulled up his nose, yet a smile was carved onto his face. "That's because I tell you all o' me shite"

"I don't mind that at all."

"I figured." Sean snorted, grabbing a hold of the pillow he had, still, trapped between his legs, and swinging it at Mark's head. The Korean man's eyes grew big, a mischievous grin building. "Do not pick a fight with an Asian man, friend." A grin matching Mark's, Sean playfully squeezed the pillow. "I'm Irish. Brawling is a third nature to me."  
"What are the first two?"

"Drinking and being incredibly loud and obnoxious."

The green-haired man swung the pillow a second time, his grin only widening in the process. "What're ya gonna do about it, huh?" Mark just calmly took a sip of his beer. "I'm a patient man. My time will come." -- His face met a face full of pillow once more, and this time he wasn't going to just let it slide, especially not after seeing Sean flash his tongue in a challenging, childish way. In a few swift movements, he had pressed Sean onto his back, his hands pinned above his head. As Mark leaned in closer, he spoke in a low voice. "That's just asking for trouble, Jackaboy." -- The Irish man laughed his ass of, he even tried to wriggle under Mark, in an attempt to shake him off of him. "I told you not to pick a fight with an Asian man."

"I'm shakin' in me socks." Sean blurted out, laughing still.  
Laughing himself, Mark squeezed his eyes to little slits. "Taunting me, are you now?"  
And then it happened. Once Mark saw a glint appear in Sean's icy blue eyes, and the owner biting his bottom lip in surrender, he released the hold he had on the man.  
Mark gingerly ran his hand through Sean's green hair, when the man re positioned himself on the couch.

"Give up, Markimoo?"

"The odds were in my favor. Besides .. How would your puny 60kg frame be able to take me on? 83kg of pure muscle!"

Mark stated, as he flexed his arms proudly. Sean only managed to barely breathe in between fits of laughter. "Plus 5 biceps!"

* * *

 

The mood had been set in Marks mind. Yet it wasn't clear whether Sean felt the same way about the current atmosphere that was present between them. Mark had no idea, yet he was eager to find out. "My muscles aren't the only big things on me, you know." Mark said, maybe a little flirtatious, he was still undecided. He eagerly awaited Sean's reaction, ready for whatever direction this night would head in. Mark was ready. "Is that so?" Sean said as he chuckled. Mark already felt his his ears heat up. He wanted to just jump him, so he could shower him with hugs-a-plenty. Perhaps.. Mark needed the affection more than anyone. He had been alone for a long time now ..

He moved closer to the chuckling Irish man. "Wanna find out for yourself?" Sean never moved away, despite the fact that he probably didn't understand where Mark was coming from. He was such a dense motherfucker after all.

"Quench my thirst, oh great Mark Fischbach."

Mark snickered as he placed his beer back on the coffee table. _Goddamn it Sean, you're so goddamn oblivious.. Do I need to draw a picture? Would it hit you then?_

"Don't tempt me. You wouldn't be able to handle all of this."He said as he motioned towards his upper body, all the way to his thighs and crotch. Sean could only chuckle softly, as he found the playful look Mark shot him.

"Yes, that's a high probability." the Irish man said, stretching his arms. "Never handled a chopstick properly." When Mark heard those words, he spluttered, almost spilling his drink all over the carpet. _That was below the belt, McLoughlin._ However, it amused him. This was the exact reaction he'd expected from his friend. Sean was a sneaky son of a bitch. "That contradicts what I've heard and seen. You're into Asians, aren't you?" The Korean man wriggled his eyebrows seductively, before letting them drop into a straight line. "That .. and you used to be a drummer. You should be able to handle wood with your hands, don't you think?"

Throwing a fit of laughter, Sean threw his arms around his abdomen, keeping himself from tearing a muscle. Oh, the dick jokes. All of the dick jokes that were made that night. "Oh, right as it can be." He then sat up straight, wiping the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes. "And how am I into Asians? I've only dated one so far." The other male simply nodded. "And now you live with one. An Asian that also happens to be Korean too." He grinned again. He felt so smug, like he was holding the strings, and Sean obediently complied. "Oh, _shite_. That's right too. You're Korean."

"Half Korean, yes. I got a bit of the Asian in me."

It would have been impossible for Sean to laugh even harder, yet he managed to do so. Slapping his thighs with one hand, while whacking the arm rest of the couch with the other. "That's not a joke to enjoy, but it hit home on so many goddamn levels!" Mark couldn't help but mimic Sean's amused state of mind. So he laughed. "That escalated quickly. We went from the topic of big dicks to Asians." Sean gasped for air, laughing even harder than before. "That's not at all a proper transition. I can't fuckin' breathe, fer fuck's sake!"

* * *

 

"So I said, my P.h.D! She practically ran outta there!"

"And to imagine that mine's way bigger.. But they've never actually been afraid of it. That would be awesome, though..."

"Whoa! Big man over 'ere! You're a playa' for Ray, ya?"

" _Nahh_ .. In all honestly, I'm lonely as fuck."

Like a hammer dropping from the sky, or the sky itself dropping for the matter, the lambent mood had switched yet again. The smile that had been permanently plastered onto Sean's glowing face, vanished like snow in direct sunlight. He fidgeted with one of the many beers he had that night, sucking his lips together, only to later press them into a thin line. It filled Mark with a sense of guilt, as he soon took over Sean's dreary attitude. The sun hid itself behind a compilation of pointy mountains... It was plausible they were covered with a thick layer of snow. Well, a blanket of ice crystals could have been a probability too.. Nonetheless, Mark felt to blame in this scenario. He should have just kept his big mouth shut. One had been struck by spontaneous depression, now the other takes the fall for him by doing the exact same thing. _The fuck, guys..?_

"Are you really that lonely, man..?" Sean spoke softly, explicitly making it a point to avoid Mark's eyes. He didn't want to look the truth in the eyes, even if it were to save his life. The possibility of Mark feeling lonely was very likely, and being aware of that was hard enough as it was. He heard the Korean man clear his throat, even scratching the hair present near his temples. He sucked in some air when he heard Mark speak. ".. Are we having that conversation now?" Sean searched for Mark's eyes, and their eyes locked for a couple of seconds, before they both averted their gaze. Awkwardness, check. Uneasiness, check. super vacaneous, check. Avoidable, check. _Goddamn emotions.._

Sean swallowed. "If you want to talk about it .. No pressure."

Mark sighed in defeat. He wanted to inform Sean of his complex self, yet .. It wasn't as easy as he hoped it would be. But he wanted to deepen his relationship with Sean one way or another. _Step out of your comfort zone, Fischbach. You can do it, if it means you are able to win Sean's affection, or even to just earn his trust_.Just do it! -- is what Sean would have said.

"I just .. find it hard to make social contact with people. And despite my videos saying otherwise, it is extremely difficult for me to open up to people.. Unless I like a person a lot, then I can't contain myself from showing my fondness of them. I know it sounds contradicting, and it makes things a lot more stressful than they should be .."

"I'm here now. If you ever feel lonely and you need a quick escape from reality, know that you can count me in. We can get drunk, play some video-games .. You name it."

Mark smiled. A warm feeling spread through his abdomen. Sean really is a nice, considerate kid. God, he thanked his lucky stars for contacting this guy and giving him a chance at a possible future friendship. "I'd like that, Sean. So, thank you." When he turned to look at Sean, he saw him with his arms spread wide, and an inviting grin on his lips. "C'mon. Bring it in, ya big doof."

Mark didn't think twice before crashing himself into Sean's embrace. "You are a good person, Jackaboy." He felt how the green-haired man's torso vibrated when he spoke. "So are you, man. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. You are a role model to many." He rubbed Mark's back in small circles, and felt how Mark relaxed his muscles at the gentle touch. "I can't stand seeing people sad. Gets me sad as balls too."  
  
"A smile does tend to look more inviting, doesn't it?"

"It does. Sean smiled. "Your smile looks very good, Senpai Markimoo."

"Aww.. Was that a compliment, Jacksiepoo?"

"Well.. Yeah."

"I love you too, buddy." Mark hummed, tightening his grip around Sean's torso. "You feel so fluffy, and warm .. and Irish.. I guess."

"Huh?" Sean exclaimed, cocking an eyebrow. "Do I? Do you feel Asian then?"

"Give it a squeeze and find out."

Smiling from ear to ear, Sean hugged Mark even tighter. They both needed this desperately. But they'd be damned to admit that to one another. "You feel warm .. you hot?"

"Aren't I always?"

"By the way, you are the fluffy one. Aren't you known for your fluffy hair?"

"My hair is legendary. It has a life of its own. Probably a fandom of its own too."

* * *

 

Time slowly passed. And aside from some phone calls with siblings, other family members and old out-of-touch friends, not much had taken place in the Fischbach home. Mark's brother, Thomas Fischbach, had called in to inform that he'd planned a trip to Australia with his girlfriend. It wasn't clear why he had decided to gather his shit and leave all of a sudden, but Mark supposed his brother needed a little break from his hectic life. Sean's oldest brother, Dylan McLoughlin had called a number of times, each time to chitchat a little, but with no actual intention of keeping his brother up to date. His youngest sister, Aileen McLoughlin did leave him with a little scare. It had been the case for a couple of months now that she had been dating a French-American guy named Adrian Claude. Dylan used to mock her for the fact that they'd met at an online dating site, when in reality it had been an art-related weblog. Sean knew and loved his sister for the artsy person she was, and it wouldn't come as a surprise that she'd hook up with someone that shared similar interests.

Yet he was uncertain about the guy's nationality. Aileen had told him all about Adrian, and Sean being the thoughtful brother that he was, heard her out all these times. Adrian was an 18-year old attendant of an art school. He majored in world arts and culture. Had it been UCLA? He wasn't that sure anymore, even though he was certain his sister must have mentioned it at one point. Adrian was born and raised in Pays de la Noire, France. He had two brothers and a younger sister of the age of 6. He moved to America on a scholarship, and he intended on staying in America after his graduation. Aileen had been so starstruck by this guy, and all Sean could do was support her at his best know-how. Jonathan, the youngest brother, made it more than clear that he wasn't that supportive of this foreign relationship his sister had gotten herself into. _There were plenty of good looking Irish blokes around_ , he preached. _You don't need some fancy-schmancy French guy._  
  
During the last conversation Sean had with his younger sister, he learned that Adrian was planning on visiting her in the summer. She had been so thrilled to finally meet him in person, since their many Skype conversations and phone calls didn't satisfy her needs in the least. Or so she had explained to Sean. Once Dylan got in on it, his brother had informed Jonathan on the matter, which was an equivalent of releasing the Kraken. Naturally, he had called Sean back in full rage mode.

"What do you think you're up t'a? Telling me sister to meet up with this foreign bowsie? The girl is 17 years old, fer fuck's sake! And we don' kno' _anaethin_ ' about that fool _eegit_! It's not safe for her to meet up with some _langer_!"

Sean had expected nothing less from his younger brother. Jonathan was known for his short temper, and he was always the first to jump to poor conclusions. Sure, it was respectable that he wanted to protect his older sister, yet he tended to become a little hotheaded for just about no apparent reason. "She's me sister too, John. And I'm aware that it's not the full shilling with this shite. But it's Aileen's life, she has to make up her own mind and do what she thinks is in her best interest."

Jonathan snorted sarcastically. Sean could hear him breathe out a sigh of pure and utter discomfort. "Where did he say he went to college?" He was brewing something, Sean could feel it in his piss.. "UCLA, I believe. Why d'ya ask?" Jonathan got too involved with these things, then again, he had always been close with Aileen. Even as kids they'd always be in each other's company. He didn't even seem to mind to take part of the many play-pretend tea parties Aileen threw over the years. Once Aileen got older and got different tastes and interests, they carefully grew apart. Yet they still cherished that underlying bond they had. Jonathan assumed the role of overprotective brother ever since. Any guy Aileen would even talk about, had him riling up, underwear worn neatly over his jeans. All the bloke needed was a shiny, bright red cape.. Oh, the childish stupidity.

"Ya kno' what? Why don't you ask lil' sis to visit you in LA? It's a shorter distance for the pale! And fo' ya it's common grounds. What d'ya think, Seanie? You could keep eye out on our lil' sis!"

That came out of fucking nowhere. For a 15-year old, Jonathan McLoughlin was acting immature as all hell's worth. Then again, 15 year-olds are immature as fuck.. Moving on. "Jonathan, you went completely _gobshite_. _Yer effin' and blindin_ ', and ya don' even kno' the fella. Anywae .. I don' kno' if Mark is up to housing another person and feeding a third mouth.. I'd have to talk to him 'bout it first.." That was a flat-out lie, and Sean knew it. Mark would welcome Aileen with open arms, and he'd be more than happy to have her in his home. Heck, even setting another plate on the table, would fill his heart with joy. _Mark was too damn good for this world .._

Sean could already imagine his brother frowning at that statement. He never liked hearing a no, even if it wasn't a real no, just a lingering maybe.. "Bro, I'd chance my arm if it means I could assure me Aileen will be safe. Ya hear all kinds of _shite_ on the news concerning rapes and murders with these internet-hook ups. Ya' don' want _anaethin_ ' to happen to our sis, do ya Sean?"

"Of course not! What're ya yappin' about _anaewae_? I'll talk it over with Mark, and hit you back up once I kno' more." As he ended the call, he pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and middle finger. Jonathan could be such a handful at times, and it is always so tiring getting into discussions with him. Still, their personalities weren't that far apart. Jonathan fought for the right reasons, just like his older brother Sean. But in the end, he was still a grumpy, stubborn-as-fuck teenager on hormones.. And Sean knew that was something that could **not** be helped.

In a way it was quite hypocritical of Jonathan to get so worked up on the matter, since he had been seeing a German girl for a little under 2 years now. Taken, they had met under different circumstances, as they met at school, yet she was still a foreigner. -- Despite that, this kind of behavior fitted the 15 year old like a glove. He had always been the most normal one out of the bunch in the McLoughlin household. But once he opened up his mouth, all the 'normal' surrounding him, faded instantly. Much like Sean and Dylan, yet they were of age now. They were like fine wine, really. As they matured, they got wiser. Still, as devious as a McLoughlin could be, but to a certain degree. Sean and Dylan were capable of receiving critique, and even though they also did not like the sound of a 'no', they'd gave into it eventually. Sucking up their disliking about the subject.

Dylan was the oldest with his 28 years of age. You could compare him with those old school British punkers. He had dyed his hairs in a number of colors, the latest one being black. He had an outgoing personality, loved to get shit-faced when drinking, and truly enjoyed fast-paced guitar solos. He was the one that inspired Sean to get into the same type of music. Well.. Sean already had a passion for the genre, but he got more involved on the matter to create something between himself and his older brother. Something they could bond over. And bond over it they did. Sean and Dylan were like one and the same, they couldn't live with or without each other. Aileen and Jonathan had each other. There had always been these set cliques. And their mother had always been quite fond of it. She loved to see her children get along so nicely. **Oh, a mother's joy.**

* * *

 

"Are ya gonna be okay on your own, sis?"

Aileen shook her head smiling, as she took over the bags Dylan handed her. "Don't ask rhetorical questions, Dyl." she then said as she rolled up her sleeves in an attempt to facilitate lifting her luggage. Her oldest brother leaned against the rear end of his vehicle, arms crossed against his torso, with a playful smile plastered on his lips. He knew Aileen would manage just fine on her own. Besides, he found some reassurance in the idea of having Sean around to keep an eye on her. Aileen had always been one of the most independent ones of the McLoughlin children. So he had no reason to fear the worst.

\-- He closed the trunk, wrapping an arm around Aileen's shoulder, weighing her down when he did, causing her to almost loose her hold on her luggage. "I'll walk with you, if you'd like that?" For a moment, Aileen knitted her eyebrows together, pouting, in a way of giving it a good, long and hard thought. She eventually shrugged her shoulders. "If you want to, why not?" Dylan gave a quick nod of the head, but raised an eyebrow as he was stopped in his tracks, when Aileen grabbed his upper arm. When he turned around to give her a questioning look, he saw her motion towards her bags. "Since you are in charitable mood, would you mind helping me carry some of my stuff? It's kinda heavy .." The older brother had no other option than to lend his lovely sister a helpful hand. Tossing one of the bags over his shoulders, whilst carrying another in his hand, he followed his 17-year old sister into the airport.

* * *

 

"Aye. Mark and I will pick her up then. No, that's alright, Dyl', don't worry about it. Does mom know she's about to get on the plane?" Sean said, stretching out his arm, snapping his fingers in Mark's general direction. When the Korean man looked up at him, he motioned him to gather a piece of paper and a pen. Sean threw his head askew, holding his cell phone in place in between his outer ear and shoulder, writing down the address of the airport Aileen would land at, as well as the time she'd presumably arrive. Mark watched Sean from a safe distance, shaking his head in amusement upon seeing how nervousness got the best of him. "Noted. We'll be there a little in advance, to make sure we're on time, ya kno'? Okae .. I'll talk t'ya later. Later Dyl." Putting away his phone, Sean turned to Mark, smiling almost apologetic. "Sorry. It's quite a bitch to arrange these things."

He got up, pinning the piece of paper he had written the information on concerning Aileen's arrival onto the cork board in the kitchen. "She'll arrive at our 7:42PM. And I've told Dylan that we'd pick her up at the airport... I hope you don't mind ..?" Mark calmly shook his head, sending Sean a soft smile. "I'm happy to help. And to be honest, I'm actually anxious about meeting your sister. I'm curious about what she could be like." This left the Irish man snickering. "Don't get your hopes up too much. The only reason she's staying with us, is because Jonathan didn't trust her being all alone with her soon-to-be boyfriend." He then bit his bottom lip, seemingly in deep thoughts. "Personality wise .. She's much like me ma. You'll only actually hear he when she disagrees with you. Then she can get as loud as me and Dyl."

* * *

  
Mark watched carefully as he saw Sean jolt up in his seat, only to run towards a petite brunette coming out of one of the many gates. They greeted each other with a hug, seemingly glad to be in each other's company again. _So this was Sean's infamous little sister .._

"Mark, this is Aileen. Aileen, this is -"

"Oh my God! You are .. You're .. Markiplier! It's unbelievable that I'm actually meeting you in person right now!" The tiny girl chirped, grabbing Mark's hand and shaking it forcefully. _Damn, for such a little girl she sure had some upper body strength_ , Mark thought to himself, as he returned her enthusiastic, to say the least, handshake. Upon further inspection, Aileen and Sean looked nothing alike. The color of their eyes seemed to be the only feature they had in common. She was a pretty sight nonetheless. "Nice to meet you too." Mark said laughing, retracting his hand and rubbing it along the back of his neck.

"Well, since you two already got the introductions over with, how about we head home? Get you all settled in, huh Ai?" Smiling cheaply, the girl nodded, kicking two of her bags at her brother's feet. "Would you mind? That stuff is heavy. I packed too much stuff and now it bites me in the arse."

Aileen's accent wasn't as prominent as Sean's, which showed that the young adult either watched a lot of American television shows, or listened to tons of American music. Heck, if Mark wasn't familiar with the fact that she was Sean's sister, he would've never guessed she had Irish roots. She had the outward look and sound of a true American teen. Dressed in a pair of torn, form-fitting jeans, a white tube top and black vest, and some ready-for-the-bin sneakers. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, with some strands of hair poking out at the sides, falling nicely along the shape of her face, joining the fringe she had hovering just above the line with her eyebrows. She didn't seem to be wearing that much make-up, as her face looked rather pale, aside from some mascara, which gave a bit more volume to her eyelashes.

One thing that she did rocked, was a collection of tiny freckles around her nose. Now that must've been some of her Irish roots showing. She looked like an everyday girl, someone that would not mind sitting around the house in an oversized hoodie all day, with her hair pulled into a messy bun. The laid back kind of girls Mark used to get along with perfectly.

Sean and Aileen walked ahead, and Mark followed close behind, carrying one of Aileen's many bags. He halfheartedly listened to the conversation the siblings were having, hearing one statement that made him frown.

"Markiplier sure is shorter than he looks in his videos." Both McLoughlins giggled, yet Sean shot Mark an apologetic look shortly after. Mark merely mouthed a : _no problem._

* * *

 

 

"Have you told Adrian you've arrived yet?"

The three of them had gathered around the kitchen table, making small talk over a take away meal. Aileen had insisted on Chinese, a suggestion Sean thought might have been slightly racist, with Mark being Korean and all. But he didn't see any problem with her choice at all. With his sister around, the house felt overly crowded, Sean caught himself thinking. Now the computer monitors weren't the only means left to fill the empty spaces around the house. She had been yapping away with Mark, obviously feeling right at home. Mark assigned her with the attic-modified-to-guestroom, which Aileen naturally thought was one of the most awesome-looking rooms she had seen in her short lifetime. And Sean figured it could only work in his favor that Aileen and Mark hit it off from the very start. Despite the empty feeling that filled his gut.

Aileen jumped up when Mark was about to clear the table. "I'll help. It's the least I can do for having such a good host." They both worked their way around the table, cleansing the plastic cups and plates with water, and disposing the excess rubbish. "Oh, and Sean? I think I might have texted Adrian on the way over. Perhaps we could meet up over the weekend or so." The answer she provided Sean with, caused the 25-year old to frown in amazement. For a girl that travelled all this way with the intention to meet up with a guy she had a thing for, she sure showed a bitter lack of engagement. Also, seeing his sister offer to help with a chore, was a first in Sean's book. _Strange_ , he thought to himself, as he excused himself from the table. _Aileen is usually lazy as fuck. Was this her inner fan girl showing its unsightly head? And if that was the case, how come Mark had such a hard time seeing it for what it was worth?_

Letting out a sigh, Sean seated himself in front of one of the computers, starting it up. As it took it sweet ass time, he leaned back in the leather office chair, stretching his arms. Today had been a tiresome day, and his body was more than glad to admit that as well. Once the monitor lit up and the bright light made him squeeze his eyes to slits, he logged in. Maybe playing some Indie games would help him unwind a bit. I _'m doing this to reassure Jonathan and Dylan_ , he kept telling himself. A set of fingers raced across the keyboard, hitting the keys at the speed of a thousand buffaloes chasing the sun set. **Wait .. what?**

"I have a shitload of movies laying around. We could watch some, unload some of our pent up daily dose of stress."

Mark said, as he entered the living room. Aileen followed him closely, she came to a halt at a dresser, watching Mark open the little doors to reveal an impressive collection of movies. Three shelves filled with plastic covers in all the colors imaginable. "Be my guest, pick out the ones you like."As he got off of his knees to stand up straight, Aileen fell to her own knees. She eagerly eyed the massive collection, letting her index finger slide along their backs. -- Mark let his eyes wander around the room, only to end up letting a sigh to be heard, for it to evolve into a frown. No sign of Jackaboy. Just when they had made some goddamn progress too. In the distance he heard the slight buzzing of the computer, bringing a sparkle to his eyes. _Found him!_

"So this is where you ran off to.."

Sean jumped in his seat upon hearing Mark's voice come to life behind him. _Damned, Mark and his low-as-all-balls voice! It was a miracle an epidemic of melting ovaries and vas deferens had not yet risen. Mark's voice would've been the reason to so many victims..._ The head support of the chair sunk back slightly, as Mark dropped one of his arms onto it. Sean was close to feeling the man's breath on the back of his neck. He shivered, running a hand along his arms. _Was this the so called "Markiplier effect" Mark had mentioned in one of his videos?_ The Irish man turned around, to look the Korean man in the eyes. _Goddamn it._ Was Mark feeling guilty about some tedious _shite_ again? Sure as hell seemed to be the case.

"Yeah. Needed a little time off. So .. Video games."

Mark pulled up a chair next to his room mate. "You know.. If you get bored from time to time, you can tell me." He arched his back, putting both hands between his thighs. "We could figure out a fun thing to do eventually. We're not **thàt** dumb, right?" Sean didn't know what to do, other than to laugh. "I was thinking about picking up fan mail. I could pick yours up as well, if you'd want me to.." A nod. Perhaps going through some much needed praise would ease his mind.

"I found one we might all like!" Aileen suddenly shouted throughout the house. Watching Sean's face closely, Mark noticed how his good mood fell within a matter of seconds. Going against his better judgment, he grabbed Sean's hand, pulling him onto his feet. "Let's see what kind of movie that sister of yours has picked out."

\- - "I guess."

* * *

 

Saturday, 6 December.

Aileen grabbed a hold of her backpack, checking herself in the hallway mirror one last time. "I'm off. You boys be good, okay?" She had said with a smile, before heading off, leaving the two Youtubers with some much needed peace and silence. She had finally agreed to meet up with her French lover boy at his campus. Once the door shuddered in its hinges, the overwhelming silence spread throughout the house, much to Sean and Mark's relief, as they both gave each other a mutual look and sighed. Women could be such a handful, not to mention teenage girls. Mark made his way to the kitchen, withdrawing two beers from the fridge. God, he needed some alcohol. Sean on the other hand, decided to throw himself onto the piling heaps of fan mail. Sorting out all of these would take up at least an hour, but it had to be done. It was best to get it over with now, now that no one could get in the way. And especially not a nosy little sister that had a hard time understanding the definition of the word 'privacy'.

He felt like he could definitely use some alone time, a break from the demanding pull his current life had on him. -- His hands dived through the piles of envelopes and small gift bags that his loyal fans had sent. It warmed his heart to think that all these people took some time out of their busy lives to write him, and to even buy or make him little gifts. He couldn't put his gratitude into words, yet was he determined to voice this feeling in all of his upcoming VLOGs. Most letters held the exact same information, people praising him by telling him how much he has changed or brightened their lives. Some mentioning how much they looked up to him, something that he still couldn't quite understand. Yet he wished just once, there would've been one letter that stood out from the rest. A letter from a fan that wrote about anything but how amazing he was in their eyes. Putting the read letters in a separate pile, he rubbed his eyes and breathed out a sigh. Once again, no such luck.. or was there?

Mark traversed the living room, throwing a can of beer in Sean's direction. "You forgot this one. I found it between my fan mail, and it clearly had your name on it. You must've overlooked it." he simply stated, before heading back for the kitchen. The Irish man held his breath, unsure as to why he did so, yet he got his hopes up. Could this one be the one? That one letter that would leave him pondering over who the person was that held a pen in their hand to write the uplifting sentences he was about to read? Somewhat curious, he ripped open the envelope, to end up holding a black piece of paper in his hands. It had been written on with a white pencil or pen of some sort. Original, that was a good start. His eyes eagerly read along every single line of words the letter held. His eyebrows went up when he read the words it was signed with. ' - Lullabies of Blue courage -' His heart then sank as he read further. 'Just kidding ;p - Lilly McAllister. Yeah, I've got some Irish running through my veins. Ain't that something ?' He found himself grinning stupidly, yet he could care less. Finally, someone that didn't intend to kiss his arse all the way down to his scrotum. In his mind the thanked Lilly McAllister for being so inventive and original. After all, all she wrote about was herself and the circle of her so-called life. Sure, most people would find this rather ... self centred. But not Sean. No, he loved it!

He looked up when Mark walked back into the living room, and Sean held up Lilly's letter. "Do you happen to know a Lilly McAllister?" As expected, his room mate shook his head. "Not that I know of. Why'd you ask?" As he found Mark's curious facial expression, he clenched the paper in his hand. Would it be such a good idea to ask Mark about a girl that wrote him? At first, it shouldn't be a problem, but then again .. Mark had been messing with his head for a while now, and he was not quite sure how this would turn out eventually. Would he care that much? Would Mark even get the subconscious hint that a girl was on Sean's mind and Sean on some girl's? And if so, would Mark mind? -- Sean shook his head steadily. Why would it even make a difference? Why would Mark have a say in what kind of people Sean were to converse with? He had no say in that at all.

Still ..hurting his friend was the last thing he wanted on his, already, heavy conscience. "No reason. Just another mutual fan, so .. I thought you might've heard of her already. But," He shoved Lilly's letter underneath the already-read pile of letters. "It turns out that you don't. So, never mind then." He smiled, organizing the letters in a plastic bin, much like Mark organized his paperwork. Mark nodded, feeling like only half of a truth had been revealed to him, yet he decided to let it go. If it had been that important, Sean most likely would've told him about it. Besides, everybody was entitled to some levels of privacy. Mark didn't have to know every single thing that moved Sean anyway. Well, it would be a lovely idea if he could, but he told himself to give it a rest. Sean was his own person, he had to draw the line somewhere.

"Aileen never finished watching that movie.." He said, putting the disk back in its cover. He turned around to find Sean spread about on the couch. "Pop it back in. We can finish it for her!" He smiled when he saw that devious grin on Sean's lips, and did as he was told. "What's it about anyway?" Sean asked, arms bent behind his head, as he stared at the ceiling. Mark turned the cover around, casting a quick glance at the movie description. "Uhm .. A girl that was born blind, that is qualified to undergo a procedure, wherein they give her the eyes of a donor? .. And then she is able to see ghosts or something .." Sean shot Mark an obvious what-the-actual-fuck face, which caused the Korean man to voice a laugh, as he turned on the DVD-player. "It's a Japanese movie." That made a lot of sense. Sean nodded, positioning his legs in Mark's lap. "Expectable from those Asians. They always make weird _shite_.." He laughed when Mark pulled him in closer with the strings of his hoodie. "That sounded awfully demeaning, Jackaboy." Laughing, the Irish man placed his head on Mark's chest; readjusting the strings. "Just shut up and keep me warm." This time it was Mark's turn to laugh, as he ran a hand over the small of Sean's back. "Aye, Jacksiepoo."

Sean relaxed into the embrace, sniffing the remainders of the cologne Mark wore that day. Something musky, yet sweet at the same time. Sean was never a big fan of colognes, perfumes or any other kinds of smells, at least not for day-to-day use. He'd rather save those for special occasions. He would preferably settle with a cheap brand of deodorant. Yet it was nice being able to smell something alike at the moment. Mark's cologne must've been a more expensive one, considering the fact that it still stuck to him after all this time. Most colognes Sean tried putting on in the morning, would've evaporated by evening, but then again, that was a high possibility with cheaper brands. But Mark always smelled nice, even when he wasn't wearing a smell. He was just one of those blessed people that had a nice body odor. Or something along those lines ...

" **HOLY SHIT THAT GUY IS MISSING HALF OF HIS GODDAMNED FACE**!" Sean yelled, as he jolted up. "Did you see that _shite_? Goddamn, that is gross as all hell!" Mark was left to chuckling. He found Sean's energetic personality more than amusing. The amount of passion he 'd put into each and every sentence he spoke, was adorable on so many levels. Especially the way he would squeeze his nose also he pulled it in an upward fashion, revealing little wrinkles around the organ. He would do the exact same thing when he didn't get what he was hoping for. Much like a little child would upon being told no. He loved to see that, and he would never grow tired of it.

Sean wasn't jumpy in the least, he was perfectly able to sit through a gore-filled horror movie without making even one sound, yet within the company of others, he reasoned with himself that screaming and shouting was the most normal thing to do in said situation. The movie itself wasn't nearly as scary as it was tense. Sure, it had a few cheap and poorly executed jump scares, but nothing too frightening. It wasn't until the part came on, wherein dozens of black figures appeared to collect the souls of the victims of a gas explosion. That was the last straw for Sean, as he buried his face into the palms of his hands, still not being able to not look, as he sneaked a peek between the spaces of his fingers. "That's some scary shit! Can you imagine if that shit really happened?!" He turned to look at Mark with big eyes. "I would be terrified if I was able to see that shit!" Running a couple of digits along Sean's cervical vertebrae, Mark smiled. "It's just a movie. Pure fiction, so don't bother breaking your cute, little green head over it." A moment passed, before the words had finally sunk in with the Irish man. He looked at Mark for a moment, trapping his bottom lip between a row of teeth. "I know that .. But .. you've got to admit.. It would.. be scary, no?" He saw how Mark nodded, keeping his dark eyes locked with Sean's lighter ones. "I bet it would be."

"Uhm .. Mark.?"  
"Yep?"  
"If you .. uhm."  
"Yeah?"  
"Would you mind ..?"

Mark leaned in closer, giving Sean little to no time to mentally prepare. He felt Mark's warm breath crash onto his face, and he instinctively closed his eyes. They were inches apart, when the front door swung open. "I have returned!"

Both men quickly re postured themselves. Both smiling nervously. _Yeah, real smooth, guys.._

Sean got up, pulling Aileen in for a hug. "You're still alive, I see..." The brunette raised an eyebrow in surprise, dropping her bag onto the carpeted floor. Peculiar behavior for her brother... She then saw Mark's figure dash behind her, heading for the kitchen. "Do the two of you happen to want a drink? I'm here now anyway.." -- She eyed her brother cunningly, eyes pulled into little slits. "What is going on here? And don't even try to piss yourself out of it."

"Nothing! Nothing at all. We were just watching that weird movies of yours.." Sean spat, juggling the bottle of coke Mark threw at him out of nowhere. Mark's cue to step in and continue on. "Yeah, exactly. Your brother is .. just a little flustered after seeing black things collecting souls. I mean, give the boy a break, lil' sis." -- Sean thanked God for creating such a smooth bastard as Mark Fischbach. The stern expression on Aileen's face softened, and eventually she picked up her bag off of the floor. "I see. Well .. It is an Asian movie after all!" She said with a giggle. "Markimoo, hit me up with some coke too, please?"

Once Mark and Aileen were confined between the kitchen walls, Sean breathed out the air he had been sucking up all that time. His mind was being flooded with a million thoughts at once, but one was most prominent.

_Was Mark planning on kissing him ..?_


	4. O4.

"He looked way better in person, than he does in his pictures." Aileen McLoughlin said, working her way through her evening meal. Correction; the meal Mark had yet again prepared for his two room mates. "Maybe he just doesn't know how to work angles.. Anyway, he was so nice and his accent is just too damn sexy!" The brunette let her gaze wander over to the half Korean man, sitting across from her. Perhaps it was accidental that she singled out Mark Fischbach, perhaps her female intuition told her otherwise. "You know? His accent is like, 55% of his sexiness!" The conversation subject of choice, didn't fall all too well with the Irish brother, as he shuffled in his seat, trying his best not to touch himself in utter nervousness. " _Oookay_ ~ How about we change the subject? You could be a bit more compassionate here, sis. You're dining with two single guys.." One of two thin eyebrows arched upwards, clarifying the Irish girl's 'are you kidding me?' facial expression. The room went silent for a few seconds, only for it to be broken by said girl. "How is that any of my concern? The two of you brought that upon yourselves." Another forkful disappeared into her mouth. "There's more in life than video games, you know.."

"Aileen!"

Mark patted Sean on the arm. "It's okay, Sean. She has a point."

Aileen nodded reassuringly. "Exactly. So don't tell me what I can or cannot talk about, bro." Sean furrowed his brows, again revealing tiny wrinkles around his nose bridge. An obvious sign of complete and utter dislike. "Are you kidding me right now, Ai?" His sister merely shrugged her shoulders, and not even in an apologetic way. "It's the truth! It's not my fault that you choose the company of artificial creatures over actual living and breathing human beings." Sean's anger intensified. "You're on thin ice, Ai.." Sean was not one to idly take criticism, especially not from a pubescent 17-year old, that also happened to be his younger sister. Yet she was not about to leave the battlegrounds without putting up a struggle. "You're 25! You are supposed to be the wise one. You do have a couple of years of wisdom on me.." These words left Mark chuckling silently. "Don't let those numbers fool you, missy. Being 18+ doesn't necessarily make you an adult." Aileen snorted. "It shows."

* * *

 

"I'll be glad when she's on her way back to Ireland!" Sean spat, as he had offered Mark to help with drying the dishes. Aileen had retreated into her bedroom, probably occupied with staring at the screen of her laptop, fan girling over the many male faces on youtube. _A'last some peace_ , Sean had thought. Mark's resounding voice, punctured Sean's thought bubble, causing him to shake his head. "I said, she was right about most of what she said." Sean was aware of that, yet he wouldn't admit that if his life depended on it. "I know .." He said softly, almost in a whisper, drying the edges of a wet glass Mark had handed him. "But she had no right to .. Flat out say it like that. That was totally uncalled for.." From the corner of his eye, he saw Mark shrug, scrubbing the remaining cutlery. Mark was never one to take things personally, even if they were. He would just .. shrug it off.

"The truth is known to hurt, Jacksiepoo." It only contributed to the growing uneasiness inside Sean's stomach. They rough way of drying off the dishes and glasses, was case by point. "Don't you dare laugh!" He hissed, as he pointed at Mark with a glass covered in a half-wet kitchen towel. Laughing, Mark grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him in closer. "I just love how much it bothers you, and how you are not at all afraid to show it."

Sean eagerly freed himself from Mark's tender embrace, trying his best to hide the reddening of his cheeks. "Fuck off, Mark!"

* * *

 

"I find myself in the Christmas spirit. I love decorating the house with colorful lights and itty bitty statues." Mark happily exclaimed, bringing his hands together once a twinkle had sprung to life in his chestnut colored irises. His reflection lingered onto a shop window, enriched by the warm glow of the many lights that were put on display. The man had a soft spot for the holiday season for as long as he could remember. And this love for this family oriented holiday he had most likely inherited from his mother, as she was up and about, scavenging the stores for the finest foods to cook an exquisite meal for her family. Mark would never forget seeing his family get together for this one evening, and gather around the dining table, absorbed in their loud and animated conversations and filling their already stuffed stomachs with lots of different traditional Korean dishes. It warmed his heart to see how one simple holiday could bring about so much love and appreciation among people. And this year he had someone to share this feeling with. He turned to see Sean hugging himself out of sheer coldness, slightly shivering as his breathing had become irregular. His face was buried in the grey scarf he wore, revealing the top of his red nose, and the mere sight of it brought a smile onto Mark's lips. Sean really did not enjoy the cold, that much he was sure of. Mark gently placed his hand on Sean's shoulder, which caused the younger male to look up. "Let's get out of the cold, shall we?" The last thing the saw after he turned around, was Sean giving him an eager nod of the head. With his hands securely seeking a bit of warmth in the pockets of his jacket, he followed the half Korean man with a calm saunter.

The holiday season never meant much to the Irish man. To him Christmas and New Year's eve were days like any other. Nothing much about them lit up a spark of interest within him. Then again, Sean never really cared about re-uniting with distant family members. They were kept at a distance for a reason, he figured. The entire idea of never giving a damn about each other throughout the year, and suddenly hitting the realization that on these two days you had to feign interest in each other, just so you can stuff your face and receive gifts you probably don't even deserve, was ridiculous in his mind. Hypocrite, to say the least. If it were up to him, he would much rather crawl under a blanket, with a big bowl of vanilla pudding, and some random movie playing in the background. He had no desire to shake hands with strangers who claimed to have any kind of relation to him, let alone talk to them about how he had been living his life so far. Didn't society judge us enough as it is? Do we really need self-righteous people telling us how much you have failed at every decision you have made so far, compared to the amazingly enriched lives they had for themselves? No, thank you. He would rather stay as far away from that as he possibly could. And it was nothing like him being even a teeny tiny bit ungrateful for the amount of crap he'd receive from those family members, he would be happier without having to go through the trouble of spending his hard earned cash on expensive gifts, some of which had an actual thought process going into them, only for him to receive tedious crap in return. He could live a perfectly fulfilled life without another set of headphones or a fifth copy of the exact same music-album he had gotten the year prior. It was wasted time and effort, nothing less. His eyes found the pattern of footprints in a blanket of snow, left by Mark walking a bit ahead of him. This would be the first time he would be spending Christmas with a friend. And knowing Mark for the softy that he is, Sean was positive Mark would end up being a Holiday enthusiast. And to be honest, he was not quite sure what to think of it.

Mark had been running around the house like a mad man. Hanging up a set of LED-lights on that wall, setting up little snowy hills and gingerbread houses at random. Sean watched him from the living room, not sure what kind of joy Mark could possibly be getting out of this. The living room started to resemble a neon advertisement more than it resembled an actual living room. Some of the lights were far too bright for Sean's liking, the colors were too vibrant, the snowy hills were too .. blank and the gingerbread house looked way too cheerful. It sickened the Irish man, thus he slumped back on the couch, eyes closed whilst breathing out an uncertain sigh. Would Mark really expect him to put up with this for two damn weeks? There wasn't even a damned Christmas tree in the picture, so what was the point of setting up decorations already? The Irish man sighed once again, rubbing his fingers through his eyes. He had no other choice than to see it through. He got up, making his way through the living room, to end up behind his Korean room mate. For a second he watched the man as he was putting up a Christmas wreath on the wall. He took a few steps back, giving the view some more time to sink in. _No .. still ugly as all hell_.

As Mark was about to bend down to pick up some more nails, he got startled by the sudden sight of his room mate. He gasped, losing balance on the little steps, and flailing his arms like a animatronic on crack. Sean's cheetah-like reflexes kicked in, and he grabbed Mark's torso, just in time. Yet the sudden increase in upper body weight, made him lose his own balance, causing both men to tumble over. They hit the ground in a crashing fashion, grunting and moaning once their bodies met the floor. Once Sean decided to open his eyes, he was met by a pair of darker ones, mere inches away from his own. His body instantly froze, and heartbeat increased. Mark's weight was nearly crushing him, so that could have been one cause. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, before Mark spoke. "Thanks buddy." With each word the man smoke, puffs of hot air caressed Sean's face, making him blink perpetually. He mentally slapped himself in the face, aware of the fact that he should just give in already. He leaned in closer, practically feeling Mark's stubble scour his cheeks. Mere centimetres away, their lips were about to touch, when Mark suddenly jolted up. "My cookies!" He yelled in sheer panic, as he jumped up and ran into the kitchen. In the distance Sean could hear him mumble an impressive collection of curses about his cookies being burned to black crumbs.

The Irish man let his head fall back, and sighed once it hit the carpeted floor. He chose not to get up, and simply remain on the floor with his eyes closed, whilst piecing together his own impressive collection of curses.

"Things may come to those who wait, but only things left by the ones who hustle."

* * *

 

 

Now that the winter season had made its appearance, and the countries joyfully jumped onto decorating the streets, repeatedly playing the exact same outdated Christmas songs, and announcing glorifying discounts in the shops - Sean had no idea how to handle himself. Not only did he share a house with a full pledged Christmas enthusiast, but he prioritized the state of his homemade cookies over the lingering kiss Sean wanted to thank him with. It was and will remain to be a strange thing to Sean, and he found himself unable to see the woods through the damn trees. Everything indicated that Mark wanted nothing more than to share a kiss, at least .. that impression he had given Sean. Yet he withdrew himself whenever he noticed that Sean willingly gave his consent. It left the Irishman extremely confused and he no longer knew what do do with his cluttered feelings. Therefore he decided to ask no more questions on the matter.. At least not until Mark would inform him about his very own feelings. Sean did not want to mindlessly rush into something again, to end up heartbroken and drowning in a river of his own tears. That potential outcome was not worth the pain and suffering.

Mark had lavishly decorated the living room, and Sean had to admit that the end product surely radiated a feeling of a warm home. Something familiar, something .. confidential. The cookies Mark had fabricated with extreme caution, had ended up in the garbage, as they were assisted by a serenade of sighs and groans. Mark seemed genuinely dismayed at the current condition of the burnt gingerbread men. And in some sort of way, Sean was rendered unable to suppress nor deny a certain sense of guilt. Those biscuits were destined to end up incinerated in the annealing hot oven, regardless whether the two Youtuber's lips had found each other or not. Sean sighed and ran a hand through his short-cropped neon locks. _Am I really that concerned about a couple of cookies being burned..?_ He pushed himself upwards with his forearms, listening to the clatter of a metal spoon scraping along the edges of the baking tray. Perhaps the Korean tried to scratch the caked remains from the tray, yet in vain. On the tips of his toes, Sean crept into the kitchen, to throw his head past the edge of the doorway, to catch a glimpse of his frustrated roommate. "Mark..?" He said softly, scratching his arms in a visibly nervous manner. "I am genuinely sorry that because of me, your cookies are burnt.." He feared a reaction of negative nature, but nearly experienced a mild heart attack when Mark locked him in his embrace, and rested his chin on Sean's crown. The Irishman was able to detect the neighbouring heartbeat, and the regular rhythm calmed his present nerves. "It's all right, Jackie. I cannot hold anything against my guardian angel."

* * *

 

The streets were in stark white, covered in a thick blanket of snow. Thousands of surrounding lights flickered like crazy, highlighting a few stray streets at random, with an artificial warm glow. It was nauseating from the 25-year old Irishman's point of view. With his hands tucked in his pockets, he strolled along an impressive vast variety of shopping areas. None of the brightly lit shop windows fell within good tastes with him, but the knowledge that Mark earned a gift stayed present in the back of his head. Above all, it was the least that Sean could do in return for his newly found friend's hospitality. He was about to turn around and head back home, when the sound of loud swearing cut past his eardrums. Some passers-by turned their heads, as they were met with an arsenal of invectives, to flee the area in a fast pace. In the distance, Sean could perceive a petite figure lugging several plastic bags. A View which prompted his lips to form an amused grin onto his face.

"Are you serious right now with this bullshit?"

"What happened to courtesy? Dragged miles through heaps of shit, that's what!" The person snapped at some astonished passersby. Sean came to a halt for a slim-built young woman. She was dressed in a denim jacket, a flannel shirt that hung loosely down her hips, a pair of pitch-black leggings and brown leather ankle boots. Some tufts of sky colored blue locks peeked from underneath her wool hat, and her face showed a remarkable lack of make-up. When Sean made his way towards the frustrated creature, the volume of the spoken words increased significantly. . This was a free spirit, that was certain. Or at least her choice of clothing obviously radiated this. With a hesitant attitude, he looked at her for a brief moment, then spoke to her gently.

"Need any help?"

Hearing this question, shut her up, and with a surprised look, she looked up. When her eyes met Sean's blue ones, her taut facial expression fell, for it to immediately melt into one of a softer nature. Her lips curled into a smile, with which she exhibited her perfectly straight teeth. "If it's not asking for too much..." She gasped, and dumped the horde of plastic bags in the snow with a dense _thump_. The melting snow had formed various wet spots on patches of bare skin, and Sean had a clear picture in his mind on the inconvenience this young lady was in. "Where are ya heading t'?" Sean asked as he bent over the plastic bags, to pick some up with his hands. Flashing a grateful smile, the girl stroked some blue locks behind her ear. "Just a few blocks from here." When Sean took a closer look at the girl, a light bulb suddenly lit up above him.

"... Lilly?"

The smile on the face of the girl increased in size once she nodded in agreement.  
"It took you way longer than I thought it would have."

* * *

 

Sean froze in front of the door that led to Lillian's apartment, to the young blue-haired woman's surprise. With all her might she tried to keep her overly excited dog from breaking out of the apartment, balancing herself by grabbing a hold of Sean's bicep. "Goddamn it.." She muttered, as she pulled herself back onto her feet. "Just come in, he's not gonna give up anytime soon." Placing each foot with utmost caution, Sean paved his way inside the apartment. The walls in the entrance hall were covered with all kinds of promotional posters, that used to be sold in the past alongside pre-ordered video games. Sean recognized most of the titles, whilst some left him with many question marks. The coat rack was bulging with dozens of different types of jackets, in all colors, sizes and fabrics imaginable. The wooden shoe rack was filled with several pairs of worn out shoes, some pairs worse than others. The dog's little toys were left spread on the floor throughout this very hall. The floor even showed a few astray cotton balls. Perhaps Lillian's dog had taken the stuffing out of some of these toys. It was either this or Lillian had a fond passion for the phenomenon 'Kill-A-Bear'. The overwhelming smell of tobacco and cheap deodorant met the Irishman almost directly upon setting foot inside the apartment. _Oh the good old days.._

Lillian walked toward the living room, and threw te plastic bags in one of the corners. She kicked off her shoes and placed them neatly under the coffee table. "I only drink ice tea. Non sugared .. I hope you don't mind." She spoke, as she took off her beanie and threw it on the coffee table. The table top of said table was covered with a large number of clutter, such as ; cigarette filters, tobacco, various documents, pieces of papers that had been written on, and all kinds of sketches that were crisscrossed and wide spread among the surface, some remotes, the controllers of a few game consoles, a veritable collection of plastic wrappers from sugary snacks like biscuits, chocolate and crisps, the charger of her cell-phone and music player, some pencil cases, lost sharps etc ..

A bookcase was lined up against one of the walls, displaying an impressive collection of games, and all sorts of dolls, figurines and statuettes from various anime series. Sean drew big eyes, and for a moment imagined that he had died then and there, and was now standing in front of Heaven's Golden Gates. -- A wet nose ran across his shoes, and when he looked down, he saw Lillian's dog subjecting him to a thorough inspection. Then a glass was shoved into his hand. "Don't mind little Sans there. I don't get a lot of visitors, so he's a bit suspicious." Sean almost popped a blood vessel upon hearing Lillian's pet's given name. "Excuse me .. What did you say his name was?" It couldn't be possible .. In no way, shape or form could there be a woman with such perfection as Lillian McAllister. Lillian merely smiled. "Sans. I named him after.." A sparkle sprang to life in the blue irises of Sean McLoughlin, and he clasped his hands together. "One of the characters from Undertale. Oh good God.." The young woman nodded. "That's right. I just love that game so much.. You could say I'm a bit obsessed with it. I've played it for hours on end.." The Irishman took a seat next to Lillian on the couch, and grinned blissfully at the screen of the television, when Lillian turned it on. Lillian was too perfect. He couldn't possibly believe that she was real ...

* * *

 

On the other side of town, two young adults were losing the battle with their continuously growing frustration. Mark had become so caught up with the idea of wanting to buy Sean a present he would never forget receiving. The only downside to it was, Mark had absolutely no damn clue as to what an ideal gift would be in the eyes of his Irish friend.."What do you think of a set of neon green headphones? Green is his signature color after all.." Mark said as he was in between the store's seemingly endless hallways. He held green colored headphones in both hands, an expecting look in his eyes when Jessica Alpe found him across the other hallway and came running towards him. Immediately she shook her head.

"Mark, do you not think that's a tad .. headlong? You said he studied sound engineering at college.. I'm convinced that he already owns a large set of headphones already.." She inspected the set of headphones Mark held out, then again shaking her head. "Besides, a considerate gift is something he carries around with him at all times -- and not something he makes use of every once in a while." -- To Mark this made absolutely no sense whatsoever. He placed the headphones back on the shelf, lips slightly pursed at the idea of still not having found a gift for Sean. "That's exactly why I thought about giving him headphones. He's a Youtuber and like you just stated, he's a sound engineer. Wearing headphones would be like wearing underwear to him by now .. What else can I get him?"

The 24 year old Jessica Melia Alpe was one of Mark's first girlfriends. They had been in a serious relationship for two and a half years, in within those years they had shared and gone through love and hardship together. But despite their heartbreaking break, they were determined to maintain the close friendship. They had fought years for it to remain standing strong. And to Mark, Jessica was one of the key people with whom he ever shared a heart. And he would blindly put his faith and trust in her judgment. And he desperately craved the help and support of a female mind in stressful times like the one at hand. --

Jessica crossed her arms and ran her gaze along the many shelves. "I don't know.. How about a bracelet..? I've seen him wear tons of them." Mark knitted his brows, and imitated Jessica's posture, thus crossing his arms. "That's just adding another one to the pile, Jessica." That statement deprived the brunette from her breath, and she let her arms fall along her sides. "It's the exact same principle with you buying him another set of headphones, Mark!" Pouting like a small child, the Korean man embraced himself for some much needed comfort. "Don't yell at me! You know I don't like it when people yell at me.. I've asked for your help .. Because, well .. In the time that we were still together, you always gave me great gifts. So I figured, perhaps you could apply some of that female knowledge to this ordeal.."

Jessica breathed out a desperate sigh. "You know him better than I do, Mark. I don't know what he is like personality wise. I have no clue what he is into .. You know more about that stuff than I do." She then was hit with a sudden realization and arched an eyebrow. "Speaking of Sean .. where's he at?" Mark had no fucking idea, if he had to be completely honest. Not one idea. Not even the slightest hint or littlest gut feeling guiding him along the way. He was desperate .. He did not handle stress that well. At least not with a judgmental ex-girlfriend breathing down his neck, ready to lash out and raise those damn waxed and epilated eyebrows.. "I don't know. He told me he was about to get some snacks for later this evening. I have rented some movies a while ago actually, and I wanted to throw like .. a movie night or something before I have to return them.. He just jumped up, got dressed and bolted out the door.."

Jessica's face rumpled like a piece of paper moulded into a little ball. "How peculiar.." Mark simply shrugged. "Now help me figure out what to buy Sean. I want to give him something special, you know? Something that reminds him of me and our connection. Something that says, I love you, and thank you for putting up with my crap..."

"Mark .. That's called a _**wedding ring**_.."

* * *

 

A single gift gleamed beneath the brightening lights from the Christmas tree in the living room. Wrapped in colorful wrapping paper and decorated with two large bows. Its owner climbed back onto his feet, with his arms crossed, in the hopes to get a better view. Eventually he simply shook his head, sighing however. He did not care anymore. His ears caught the sound of a door being opened, followed by approaching footsteps. His breathing stopped momentarily, but it returned to its regular rhythm once he recognized Mark's face. Both men nodded at each other uncomfortably - having no clear idea how they should behave in each other's presence. -- A second gift was added to the one present at the time and accompanied it under the green colored Christmas tree's many branches. Sean could merely watch as Mark rose onto his feet, and dusting his pants in the process. Could that have been the gift Mark had chosen for him? A small feeling of childlike innocence sprang to life in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn't think of anything other than to greet the Korean man with a modest nod.

Mark had already stored his winter coat and scarf. As soon as he entered the living room again, he pulled the slender body of the Irishman against his own. "I went through hell and back in order to find the perfect gift for you. And I will sincerely pray to God himself that it will provide you with feelings of intense happiness, Jack." Yet .. Despite the loving way in which Mark had spoken these words, the use of the nickname 'Jack' cut through the thread that currently connected the both of them, like a razor sharp knife. Mark usually rarely made use of the name Jack, as he used to address his friend by his first name. It left Sean bubbling with a number of questions, which he eventually ousted and swallowed back down to the depths from whence they came. The answer would have to wait for a more appropriate moment to reveal itself.

Then without notice, Mark broke the embrace quite abruptly. He looked Sean in the eyes intensely for a moment, and pressed his lips together, averting his gaze when he did. "Thankfully, I got help from Jessica. I could never have done it without her." -- Upon hearing these words, Sean experienced a sudden stabbing feeling pierce through his tender heart. What else should he have expected? And all of this got to him, despite repeatedly telling himself not to carelessly rush into things.. And yet now he conceded the vane hits. He would have wanted nothing more than to run away, to leave the scene of the unsolicited murder, if only it would aid him in preventing further damage. A flood of repressed feelings and memories flashed through his mind, and this caused his tear ducts to produce an upcoming set of weak tears.

\-- With a baggy sleeve he tried to rob them of their brief lives, despite the fact that some managed to move past the corners of his eyes, following the path down his stubbed cheeks, before crashing down and meeting an unfortunate death. As fast as his body allowed him to move, he was about to turn around and make a run for the staircase. But before he even got the chance to do so, a set of digits were curled around his wrist. Through the young river of tears running past his eyelids, Sean noticed how Mark had grabbed a hold on him, pulling him in, and locking his darker eyes with Sean's lighter ones. The Irishman could no longer comprehend the current set of events, so he pulled back out of the gentle touch, giving Mark one last look before running up the flight of stairs in a rapid pace. In a slow motion Mark's arm fell back along his side, eyelids lowered and through a set of thick eyelashes he stared at the carpet that was spread throughout the, now, empty living room.

Mark never took the effect a few simple words could have on a fragile person, into consideration. He should have shut up, and now more than ever, he was made aware of this. But on the other hand, the collection of question marks increased in size. He still, had no idea what was going on in his roommate's pained mind, and this worried him immensely

* * *

 

"Mark...?"

The door opened with extreme caution, giving a faint ray of light the chance to throw itself across the pitch-blackness of Mark's bedroom floor, in a thin line. Whilst groaning in discomfort of being awoken too abruptly, the Korean squeezed his eyes to little slits, and cast a glance at the figure that had made its presence known in the middle of the damn night. A patch of muddled green hair was the first thing he could focus on. Thus Mark immediately jolted up, to rub a hand through his tired eyes, and to pat the empty space on the bed next to him with the other hand. The Nightly Visitor got the hint and silently crept into the room, to take a seat on the edge of the bed. "Mark .. I just wanted to .."

Sean wasn't even able to finish his sentence, due to feeling Mark's lips on his own. The Irishman pulled back and held both hands over his mouth. The fact that the sleeves of his pyjama blouse were too long and his hands were mostly covered by them, was somewhat adorable to Mark Fischbach. Smiling softly, he ran a hand through Sean's tangled green hair. "Just shut up and lay down. I'm tired." -- With a flushed face and sparkling eyes, Sean crawled next to Mark under the covers. One of Mark's arms was thrown around his tiny waist, and thus he was pulled in for yet another warm embrace. Still blushing like a Japanese teenager in heat, Sean decided to abandon all his uncertainties and insecurities. With a small smile on his lips, he snuggled against the muscular chest of the Asian-American man. Just for this one night .. He permitted himself to enjoy the love and attention...

He closed his eyes, with the knowledge that tonight there would be no need to toss and turn for hours on end.

* * *

 

The sound of the coffee maker echoed through the house, and the scrawny cries of the boiling water penetrated through the insulated walls. In an empty, yet slept in before bed, the 25-year old Irishman awoke in peace. Strange, one would think, but the young adult was already accustomed to such a tumultuous environment, that it no longer sat under his skin. Not at all surprising, with him being the youngest member of a family with 5 children. Those few moments of silence were appreciated by all, but also discarded due to the low quantity in which they occurred. And the Irishman had adapted his personality to that exact lively environment. He was so jam packed with energy, that the moments wherein Sean measured himself with a calmer attitude, they received more credit than they actually deserved. Apart from that, he had grown up with the sound of the coffee maker, that he could no longer imagine not hearing it in the morning. With his eyes fixed on the bright white ceiling, he caressed the quilt with both arms. The fabric felt somewhat cold, showing that Mark had been up for quite some time. The side of the bed on which Mark had slept, still felt a little warm. The smell of Mark's aftershave still lingered on the fabric of the pillow, and it brought Sean a moment of inner peace. Although he was now wide awake, and he should perhaps exchange the bed for a seat at the kitchen table - the man could not muster the strength nor the want to leave Mark Fischbach's safe haven. The images of the night prior flashed briefly through his mind, and Sean instinctively reached toward his lips with one hand. He gently caressed his lower lip with his fingers. Still able to clearly perceive the heat of Mark's lips, along with the taste, on his own lips. And again he lost himself in the security that came with the unexpected kiss. And it also instilled him with a sense of genuine fear.

The Irishman was mentally not yet ready to open up to another person, nor was he able to cope with the mixed emotions slowly but surely started to spring to life. Sighing, Sean let his hands fall onto the comforter again. He rolled onto his side and pressed his face into Mark's pillow, sniffing the man's remaining scent. Mark was a man with a heart of gold, and with the heart in the right place. The things that were offered to him, he returned in the plural. He possessed a personality that one rarely encountered in society in this day and age. Within this society of ours, it was every predator for themselves and they took whatever they could get their hands on. Nothing was given in return, and that mindset Sean had found nauseating since his childhood. That also happened to be one of the many reasons why he had looked up to Mark Fischbach so much. But one question remained unanswered ... What did Mark mean to him?

The hall resounded several sounds that amounted to the groans of a distressed voice. Sean shook his head once he recognized the voice of his younger sister, and it came to mind that she would be going back home today. Perhaps she was so occupied with packing her things, surely that would explain the noise. And despite the fact that maybe Sean could help her, or at least take on the role of older brother by offering her a helping hand. - Sean wanted nothing more than to languish in Mark's bed. There was just too much playing out in his head, and he needed a moment of absolute peace. He was well aware of the fact that he should've inserted a deserved pause, as for the last 2 years he only had his eye out for YouTube. For some reason, he had convinced himself that if he didn't fully throw himself onto his career as a YouTuber, the community would abhor him. He wanted to continue performing, yet he was never completely satisfied with the end results. In his eyes, it could always be better. Thus neglecting his own needs, with the result of his social contacts ending up diluted. His life solely existed out of YouTube, and YouTube became his life. This took a lot out of him, but he never saw himself, as a person, as an importance. - That was one of the main reasons for his relationship with Rosalee to have come to an end. But it did not entirely come as a surprise. Sean had long before felt the tension present between the two of them, but he simply never took the time to talk about it with his girlfriend.

He had loved Rosalee dearly. That girl meant everything to him, and he was willing to do anything and more for her. The costs of the plane tickets to Korea, were no concern to him. Once he was reunited with her and he could finally hold her in his arms again, he forgot all about the hardships he had to go through to see her. He would have done absolutely anything to see her happy, and her wish was his command. But beautiful songs never last for a long time. He would be lying if he denied that the break-up had not grabbed him by the throat. For months on end he had locked himself in his apartment, and only ever set foot outside when it truly was necessary, or a matter of life and death. His cell phone rested on the coffee table in the living room, the number of received messages abundance. He saw them, but never took the effort to read any of them. Ever since, the word 'love' had lost its meaning. And it would never again hold its primary meaning. No, Sean had shared one dance too many with sister 'hate'. She had told him about the true meaning of such words, and he didn't know any better than to surrender to that line of thoughts. He lost his faith in love and everything it stood for. He hasn't loved anyone for a number of years now, and no longer wanted to be exposed to the sorrows that were attached to concept of 'loving someone'. It just wasn't worth it in the long run.. -- But now Mark had dealt the cards, and the Korean man kept his deck a secret with all his might. It probably would have been fair, considering the fact that Mark has never gotten a glimpse of Sean's cards since the very beginning.

**"Sean! Get off your lazy ass and come help me! Fer fuck's sake .."**

Maybe he really should get up now. It was not like his thoughts were going to grant him a moment of solitude anytime soon, Whether he stayed put in bed or he would help carry Aileen's luggage to the car. They'd haunt him and follow his every move either way...


	5. Chapter 5

A pair of bright blue eyes were fixed on the fading image of Aileen as she made her way toward the airport's gates. Sean quickly lost his sister among the bulking crowd of people. And once she had completely disappeared, he breathed a sigh of sincere relief. Despite that fact that he had previously said being happy when she'd return home, he couldn't deny that he'd probably miss her presence. He kept his gaze lingering on said gate briefly, and then felt Mark's hand on his shoulder. Without having to say a single word, Mark was able to provide Sean with a sense of security - and the Irishman was extremely grateful toward Mark. The ride in the car proceeded in utter silence. Apart from the sounds of the engine roaring and incoming traffic rushing past them, the space inside the vehicle was enveloped in silence. From the corner of his eye, Mark looked at the nervous figure of his Irish friend. He leaned his head against the car's window frame, following the movement of the surrounding traffic with his eyes. Would it be safe to start a conversation right now? Was the Irishman up to it? And if that was the case, what would the conversation revolve around? -- Breaking the smothering silence was welcomed anyhow.

Mark gently placed his hand on Sean's thigh, watching his reaction closely. To his surprise, the Irishman showed no reaction. Nothing, he never moved a muscle. So he proceeded to gently caress Seans thigh in circles with his thumb - and felt the fabric of the man's jeans being crumpled underneath the palm of his hand. Sean then suddenly turned his head, and the Korean felt all of Sean's muscles cramp up. Mark's initial reaction was withdrawing his hand, but upon wanting to do this, the Irishman had grabbed his wrist. Their eyes found each other, yet not a word was spoken at all. The drive continued in utmost silence.

* * *

 

_I don't know what I feel for him .._

Mark stood in front of the stove, stirring in many pots. Sean had fled to his room once more. And in the distance, the muted tones of guitars could be heard - demonstrating that Sean had filled up his bedroom with noisy metal music. A collection of fragrances caressed the nostrils of the 26-yeard-old YouTuber. Cooking provided Mark with tranquility.

_It's crazy, really. I have no idea how to put it into words.. yet I feel at ease with him. It's a type of confrontation .. still. He's such a frail and fragile creature .. I would never be able to forgive myself, if I were to force him into anything._

In the meantime the table was set. The cutlery sparkled underneath the many kitchen lights. Steam rose from the hot foods, moving around in small circles as it met the lights, to ultimately shatter in the process of evaporation. Mark's stomach was irrevocably tied into a tight knot, and frowning he placed a hand on his abdomen. What the hell was going on with him? What was set into motion in this short span of time?

_I want to hear him speak. Then again, I want him to find the appropriate time to do so. I can image he must have been just as confused as I am at the moment. What name can we give these sets of emotions? And if they were to be named, what purpose would they fulfill? That is .. if they even have a purpose to begin with._

Footsteps thundered down the steps. Socked feet slid along the carpeted floors, and soft breathing was audible. Sean sat down at the kitchen table, rubbing both hands together at the sight of the freshly prepared meal that was put on display on the table. His eyes showed a slight shimmer, yet Mark's were dull. It almost felt as if Mark had lost the light in his eyes.. Yet the Korean man tried to show a warm smile. In reality, it was nothing less than all that he was trying to make himself believe - forced bliss.

_Why do I find it so hard to feel accomplished all of a sudden? Me, the person who always encouraged people to believe in themselves and their abilities - was now at a loss for words. I would rather die than to give Sean a sense of guilt. He does not deserve to see me in this current state of dissoray. Nonetheless.. I will smile for him. As long as it gives him the courage to smile for himself, I will continue this facade. He deserves to smile after all.._

The smile that Mark was trying to reveal, could easily be stamped as 'forced'. Of that, Sean was keenly aware. But was it within his right to address his friend about it? The things that Mark felt and endured, belonged to him, and him alone... Right?

_Daniel would have smacked me across the head. He would have insisted that I vented my frustrations immediately. Ironic in a way .. He never allowed himself to do that very thing. And he paid a price for ever making that mistake.._

But what would Mark even say to Sean, when he himself had no fucking idea what the hell he was experiencing? You bet he wanted to hold Sean in his arms, and promise him nothing but good fortune in his future life. Yet life did not play by those rules, and promises were likely to end up to become despicable lies. He would never tell a single lie in his life by choice, especially not to this loved ones.

Mark's eyes widened as he felt a warm feeling spread throughout his limbs.

 _Loved ones .. Does that mean.._ ?

* * *

 

The last video for the day, to the relief of the Irishman. At the other end of the room, Mark was wrapping up his own video as well. Both men stretched, yawning in the process. Perhaps this was the right time for Sean to book his plane ticket back to Ireland. But the mere thought alone of leaving Mark on his own, at a moment like this, prevented him to access the internet and put away his recording equipment. - It had been an understatement to say that Mark hadn't been in his element lately. Could the kiss they had shared before be held responsible for that kind of behavior? It shouldn't be, since Mark was the one who had set the kiss in motion. Regardless of whatever impact the kiss had on Mark, the reason why it had taken place, was still practically unknown to the both of them. Sean couldn't deny somewhat experiencing a feeling of jealousy when Mark told him about going Christmas shopping with Jessica. And if he remembered correctly, Jessica was the former ex-girlfriend of Mark. So why Mark explicitly depended on her help, went over Sean's head completely. And the reason to his jealousy was linked to a set of repressed feeling Sean had struggled with for the past several years. But why would he have been jealous of a possible ex-girlfriend? Did he not have the heart to share Mark with another? It was obvious that in the few months he stayed with Mark, he grew tremendously fond of the man. Mark was the friend he had longed for for years, and he didn't want to give him up without putting op a fight.

Mark pushed his chair under the table, and its legs scraped across the tiled floor, claiming Sean' attention. The half Korean simply walked past him, to end up in the living room with his cell phone held in his hand. Sean decided to take the time to book his trip already, Mark was engaged in some kind of phone call either way. The Irishman tried to focus on being reunited with his family. Nonetheless, he rejoiced thinking about seeing his mother again. She had always been his rock. He could burden her with all of his problems, and she would never show any aversion towards the choices made by her son in the past. And he would never seize to be grateful.

"Mark?" He softly spoke, almost in a whispering tone, when the Korean man had left his cell phone. Mark turned to Sean, indicating that he had his full attention to himself. "I'm so lucky to be here.." Sean felt his nervousness kicking in. "A couple of years ago I was just one of the many people watching your videos, dreaming of meeting their hero in person one day .. and now I'm able to call you a friend." He averted his eyes, scratching the patch of skin his fingers found on his lower arm. "You welcomed me into your home, and it's crazy, really. And it still fazes me whenever I think about it.." Mark could only flash a modest smile. "That's very nice of you to say. I'm glad to hear that, so thank you for considering me to be one of your heroes. That means a lot to me." Sean nodded, biting his lower lip in a full explosion of uneasiness. This was a reaction he could expect from Mark, as humble and grateful as he'd always be. "I do not mean it in a I-wanna-kiss-your-ass type of way.. I just want to show my gratitude." Sean wanted to throw up, but he needed to speak out these words that had been lingering on his mind for quite some time now. "Bob and Wade are coming over later this evening. Just so you know." Mark then stated, as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"You should let Sean play the truth or that game with us."  
"Yeah, tell him the rules to the game, Mark."

The four men had seated themselves in the living room. Several bottles of alcohol were placed on the coffee table, and they shimmered under the ambient room lighting. Mark eyed his three friends for a moment, before dropping his head, and giving in to their supplications. "Okay." He turned to the Irishman that had been staring at him with an awaiting look in his big blue eyes. "Well, it's a mixture of Truth of Dare and Never Have I Ever, really." Sean simply nodded. "Right. I know both of those games, so this ought to be easy." Wade then mingled in the conversation. He placed both hands on this thighs and leaned in closer. "You're asked a question, that you have to answer as truthfully as you can. If it happens that you don't want to answer, you have to take a shot. If that's the case, you can also get challenged to a dare. If you refuse to act out the dare, you have to take two shots." Sean clenched his fists immediately. "I never back out of a challenge. Bring it on!"

Just another night spent drinking.. It was becoming quiet a recurring pattern between Mark and Sean, but neither of them saw any problem with it. Why not then? In a certain sense, Mark was grateful that his friends travelled all the way, just so he could spend some time with them. He could certainly used the distraction, now more than ever. And that night there would be no need to think clearly, he could easily drown out his feelings. That would be nice, he convinced himself of that.

"Righty. I'll start this off then." Mark said, as he let his eyes glide over his friends. They stuck to Bob Muyskens however. From the very day Bob got married, Mark had seen his friend prioritize his relationship over anything else really. Bob looked at life through a different lens (no pun intended) and had grown considerably. Mark had been so proud, and couldn't hold back his tears when his friend walked down the isle with his girlfriend. "Bob, thinking about ever having the baby-people?"

Sean chuckled lightly. "Baby-people.." He repeated, shaking his head. The blond man shrugged his shoulders in response.  
"I don't know. Maybe one day, we will. Everything on its time." His eyes drifted to the man with the green hair. Target established. "Sean, ever had a hard-on in public?" The Irishman nodded, laughing. "You bet. But I ninja'd the shit outta it." He looked around, catching Wade mid-yawn. "Wade, what kind of porn do you fap to?"

And the evening had kicked off. It couldn't be called a good night, unless the subject of conversation didn't revolve around anything of a sexual nature. With the amount of pronouncing the word "dick", the four men could build a veritable fortress by now. Nevertheless, the childishness that accompanied them, as they were in their mid-twenties, caused them to have the best times.

"Deep throat and double penetration too, I guess."Wade answered ordinary. Like it were the most normal thing in the world, to watch pornographic videos and find satisfaction by doing so. Although all four of them probably spent most of their time in front of a computer screen, while some kind of pornographic video played in the background. Single men with an overactive libido, who could blame them?

Mark closed his eyes and echoed a burst of laughter. "Poor women. Well.. in all fairness, if one were to ever deep throat you, she'd barely notice she'd be doing it." He carelessly spat, to the amusement of his friends. Wade had gotten used to these recurring comments, and let it glide down his back like a flow of water. "It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it." Laughing like crazy, Mark shook his head. That remark was so outdated, he could no longer contain his amusement. "That's something people with tiny dicks say."

The current conversation topic, sent a flashback to the 25-year-old Irishman. "I'm gettin' flashbacks there, Mark."  
With his eyebrows arched, Wade Barnes turned to his Korean friend with a face of genuine amazement. "What..? Sean saw your itty bitty dick, Mark?" Mark immediately pouted and shrugged laconically. "He didn't want to.." That was the moment when Sean jumped up to his defence and his voice echoed. "Ya never asked!" It then dawned on him what he had just said, thus he clenched his jaws. "Wait.. What am I even saying?!"

"Busted."

Wade shrugged. "You didn't miss out. There's not much to see anyway." He looked at Mark momentarily, and felt a grin burning at the corners of his mouth. "Once an Asian, always an Asian." Pouting, the Korean grabbed his belt with both of his hands, his eyes fixed on Wade. "I'll whip it out right now!" But Wade smiled the gesture into oblivion. "Do not embarrass yourself now, Mark."

"I will dick slap you so hard. Sausage fest up in this bitch!"

All the dick jokes fired up the ecstatic Irishman, causing him to join the current conversation. If that's what it could be called even .. "Mark, you only say that because you're aching to shove your dick in someone's face.."

"Sean's preferably."

Once Mark's cheeks felt hot to the touch, and with a light red color taking over, he clenched his fists. "Shut up, Wade!"  
The fact that Mark had tried to hide his growing blush, didn't go unnoticed by Sean. He nudged Mark between the ribs. "I at least expect being taken to a restaurant for a fancy dinner first."

* * *

 

"Mark, how long has your latest serious relationship been?"

Sean regretted forming that question in his mind, and regretted it even more once he had actually spoken the words. It was a personal matter which he had no business with, he had no right to even ask a question that demanded the amount of digging Mark now had to do. Yet he knew how the loneliness was eating away at Mark, despite the man's dreadful attempts of masking his true feelings. A behavior pattern in which he recognized himself, if he were to be honest. He couldn't recollect whether Mark had mentioned his past experiences with girlfriends before, but to even things out, he himself hadn't been that open with Mark as well. Something must have come up during some of their little talks, but aside from his drunken tales about Abigail, he believed he had never mentioned Rosalee before. He wasn't even sure if the topic of Rosalee and him having split up, was ever brought up in those past three months. And he figured, if the weight of that break-up still weighed down on him after 18 months, Mark's heart must've still been tormented by his relationship with Jessica coming to a sudden end. And with recent events between the both of them, the topic of relationships was a rather touchy one.  
Heck, even the thoughts on the word 'love' caused a sudden termination of brain cells..

Mark shifted in his seat, eyes fixated on the black fabric of his couch. He did not find talking about past relationships a burden of any kind, but with the stories he would tell, a flood of feelings would awaken, only to remind him of what once was, but what was no more. So he would much rather keep his past to himself, in a way a quick cure to his abandoned needs. Bob and Wade exchanged a number of looks, each a little more serious than the previous one. They both had a front row seat to that horror attraction, and thinking off Mark's state of mind after the break-up, made them cringe in sorrow and worry.  
Mark's way of dealing with that event, wasn't anything short from worrisome. Unhealthy even ..

"A little longer than three years." Mark spoke calmly. Honesty was key in any kind of relationship, and he felt like Sean had a right to know. Sean had no idea how to react once he had received Mark's answer. The answer had been painfully short and direct, and it filled him with a sense of distress and discomfort. The feeling bounced off to Bob and Wade, which kept all three men bound to a state of dead silence. And this change of atmosphere eventually led to said emotions rubbing off on the Korean man. Breathing out a sigh, he rubbed the back of his neck in sporadic movements.

"So .. seeing how Sean isn't likely to ask anyone a question in return, I'll claim his turn." His friends nodded eagerly. Anything to smother that ear numbing silence ...

Mark shifted his gaze toward the Irishman. "What does your fap-noise sound like?" Once more Bob and Wade locked their eyes, feeling relieved as Mark had found himself again. Even Sean couldn't force back the chuckle that he voiced, upon hearing that question floating in mid air. Mark had a tendency to be extremely random at times, quite respectable in a way..

"Dying whale sounds. .. Or a deflating balloon."

The room was then filled with sounds of laughter. Grinning slightly, Mark eyed the 25-year-old for a moment. "Now you left me wondering.." Wade threw his arm in the air, a grin spread across his lips. "You guys share a house! You'll hear each other fap eventually!" The brunette grabbed a can of beer off of the coffee table. "Too bad Mark faps very little.." Sean's eyes grew wide, and his mouth formed a small 'o'. Upon seeing his reaction, Mark shook his head dismissively. "Not really. I'm just extremely silent."

Sean downed a sip of beer as he followed the edges of the can with his fingertips.  
"That's fine by me. We should all give in to our primal instincts." Once the sounds of laughter died down, Mark raised an eyebrow. "Dying whale sounds, though?"

He saw Sean shrug unknowingly. "Or a deflating balloon." He was the one giving the answer, and even he had no idea where it had come from.  
"That can't be healthy, Sean!"

Mark laughed, smacking the palm of his hand against his thigh. Feeling somewhat targeted, Sean cocked his head to the right slightly. "What's your fapping sound then?" This caught Wade's intention, and with a grin that would scare away small children, he turned to the Irishman. "Mark sounds like a clown in heat." Mark nodded approvingly, removing his beer can from his mouth. "Or a high pitched peacock on steroids having a seizure. Both work fine."

Bob's voice emerged out of the blue, silencing his friends within a matter of seconds. "Mark .. you should really dye your hair again. The pink is losing it's color. It's all faded to this weird blonde color.." Mark's lips instantly dropped down into a small frown. Sean rushed to Mark's rescue, as he patted his friend on the back.

"I've always liked your hair, Mark. Even before you dyed it pink." He gave the 26-year-old a quick thumbs up, which caused Mark to shriek and fold his hands together.  
"Have you really, Seanpai?" He received a short nod from the Irishman.

" **Get a room!** " Wade spat, running a hand along his thinning hairline. Knitting his eyebrows together, Mark yelled back. "We _**are**_ in a room!" Wade squeezed his eyes to slits. "Get a **private** room then." Mark followed his lead, squeezing his eyes to slits. "If the both of you would go away, we'd have some privacy in this very room!" Bob looked up from the screen of his cell phone, flashing a beautiful 'what the fuck' face. "Do you want some private time with Sean? .. What don't we know, that we probably don't even want to know?"

Mark crossed his arms. "Sean and I do all of the sex! Up the pooper."  
"That explains the fondness of your usernames PooperDooper and BumBum. _**I've just connected the goddamn dots!**_ "  
Wade exclaimed as he jumped up onto his feet.

"Shit, Sean, they're on to us! Bail! Bail!" Mark shouted panicked, before slumping back into his seat. "But in all honesty, I'd love to have more alone time with Jackaboy."

Sean fidgeted with his bracelets nervously, he did not know what to do with himself. He did not know what to do with his limbs..  
"But I guess I could also secretly love Sean with you guys around .." Mark continued.  
When Sean looked up, he found Mark's gentle and caring eyes, and he instinctively smiled shyly. "In a way, I'm flattered.. So thank you."

"Just fuck each other and **get it over with**! This is way too tense for **no fucking reason** at all.."

"Shut up, Wade!"

* * *

 

"So .." Sean began, scratching the back of his neck. "I'll see you in a few days, I guess.."

A yet to him unknown feeling nested itself in his gut as he walked away from Mark, and toward his gate. He fought the urge to look behind him, even though he wanted to see Mark's face just one last time before boarding the plane. He decided against it, and tightened his grip around his bag.

"Sean .. wait a sec."

He turned around, and found Mark walking towards him in a steady pace. Once they stood eye to eye, he dared to speak up. "Yeah?" He noticed Mark's hands had started to tremble slightly. His fingers ached to calm Mark's, and biting back the flood of dismissive thoughts, he grabbed the man's hands and squeezed them gently.

Mark had mustered the courage he needed for what he was about to do. He ran his thumbs over Sean's knuckles, keeping track of every movement the Irishman made.

"Sean .. If I don't tell you now, I might never tell you."

The heartbeats of both men fastened, hitting every inch of their rib cages. Sean ended up biting his lip, as he patiently awaited Mark to continue. Mark pressed his lips into a thin line, averting his gaze for a short lived moment. "I'm not entirely sure as to what I should call these feelings, but if I were to try.. I think that it's safe to say that I -"

"Flight 347 will ascend in 10 minutes. We kindly urge you to go to the appropriate gate. Thank you and have a wonderful flight with .."

Mark swallowed the words that remained, and were left unspoken. He let go of Sean's hands, and nodded encouragingly. "I believe that's your flight, buddy. You should head out .."

Both men sighed simultaneously. "Yeah, I probably should.. " Sean said, as he turned to look at the forming cue at his gate. "But hey .. Where's the funeral?" He tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a cheap attempt of a joke. "You're acting like it's the last time we'll see one another. Once the holidays have died, I'll be standing right at your doorstep. Ready for another couple of months of pure bullshit." He patted Mark on the shoulder, only for the gesture to be shrugged off. Genuinely taken aback, the Irishman took a step back. Engulfed in a dead silence, the Korean man stepped back as well, reaching down his pockets for his car keys. "I can't wait." Once he found what he had been looking for, he clenched it within his balled hand. " _I really can't .._ " He choked out in a whisper that didn't even register with his friend.

* * *

 

Breathing out a sigh, Sean let his head fall back against the head support of the airplane seats. A vibrating sensation against his leg, made him open his eyes again. With the accuracy of an eagle and the speed of a cheetah, the Irishman took out his phone. Upon reading the incoming message, his heart sank into his worn out sneakers.

"Our friendship can be compared to a lit candle. Once it's lit, it radiates warmth and it provides us with the light we need to see. But candles only burn for a set amount of time before they extinguish, and all we are left with is the cold and darkness. - The moral of the story is that within the short life of the candle, you can either utilize all that it gives us, or forget it was ever lit. -- I guess that's what I was trying to say just now. And I'm not sure how much time our candle has left. .. I'd rather not extinguish it .. there's so much more to see and we both need its light.."

* * *

 

Sean stepped out of the taxi, and was greeted by his mother as she had opened the front door, and came running towards him. "Oh, sweetie! I'm so glad to have you back home!" She exclaimed overjoyed, as she pulled her son into her arms. With a smile on his face, Sean returned her hug. When his mother let go of him, she turned to the two young men that had lined up at the front door. "Dylan, Jonathan, go help your brother with his luggage!"

Still smiling, Sean held his hands up dismissively. "It's okay, ma. I'm happy to be home again.." He watched his brothers clear out the cab of his cases, and dragging them inside the house. "As crazy as it might sound, I have missed all of you. Even Dylan .." His mother smiled at him with a heartfelt look in her emerald eyes. "Well, what are you still doing standing there? Come in, come in!" She said, as she dragged her son after her. Once they arrived in the kitchen area, she already filled the boiler with water. "A cup o' tea in the mornin', love?" Sean dropped his bag on the floor, next to the chair he was seated on. "Sure. Why not?" His eyes wandered around the kitchen, and a sense of nostalgia came back to him. "I've missed me home .." Mom took two mugs out of the kitchen cabinets. "Didn't you feel at home with your friend? What's his name..? The Asian one.."

Watching his mother occupy herself with the making of their tea, Sean furrowed his brows. "Mark, you mean? No, I did .. He has been very hospitable, and I've never felt more welcomed before in my life .. " He then turned to gaze at the tablecloth. "But it's not quite like home, ya kno'?" The elderly woman nodded approvingly, as she poured the water in both mugs. "No place like home, as the sayin' goes." The boiler was put back in its designated place. "So, how have you been in the big cities of America? Is it just as they say?"

Sean followed the many symbols on the tablecloth with his powder blue eyes. "I felt homesick as soon as I got off the plane.." It caused him to chuckle softly, and he looked up when his mother placed the mugs on the table. "But I adapted pretty quick. Or so I like to believe.." The woman nodded, opening another cabinet, searching for the teabags. "That's nice. Has .. Mark, did you say his name was? Has he taken good care of my boy?" Sean nodded and embraced his mug with the palms of his hands. "Hasn't Dylan mentioned he put a leash on me?" The 25-year-old watched his reflection in the clear water inside of his mug. "Pardon?" His mother's voice resounded, as the dipped a teabag into the water. Sean smiled. "Nothin', ma."

The woman seated herself at the table, stirring her tea gently. "Mark took great care of me, yes. He's a great cook." She eyed her son for a moment, before she went back to her stirring. "Oh, is that right? So he knows how to cook?" She licked the remains of tea off of the spoon, and placed it next to the mug on the tabletop. "He better, if he wants to take care of my baby from now on." Her emerald eyes found her son's blue ones, and she smiled softly. "Seeing how you are so fond of stuffing your face." The young man nodded. "His food is great. He buys everything fresh and all.. So nothing for you to worry about."

"Does he have a girlfriend? Do you happen to know that by any chance?" Sean's mother got up and disposed of the soaked teabag as she lifted it from the mug. It caused Sean to swallow in shock, and he tightened his hold onto his mug of tea. "No .. He has been alone for a long while." The elderly woman eyed her son for a while, and reseated herself. "Oh, I see. That's a shame. He looks like such a fine young man. Everybody deserves the right to be happy, don't you think?"

Once again, Sean could only nod in response. "He does deserve better things in his life.. He has been through a lot of hardship lately.." He looked up to find his mothers awaiting gaze. "His father passed away a while ago, and shortly after .. he lost one his closest friends."

"Oh, dear. That's a shame." Sean's mother spoke gingerly, as she brought a hand to her face. "But you know what I have always told you, dear." And if he did. "I know, ma. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support him." The woman ran a hand through her chocolate colored locks. "You should give it your best, that's all you can do, sweetie. Just let him know that he's not alone to carry the weight." Sean carefully sipped his beverage, before setting it back on the table. He felt his mother's eyes on him, and that could only mean one thing. She was onto something. She had always been talented in looking into people's souls and finding everything and anything shrouding it. "You're awfully quiet, Sean. And that's not at all how a McLoughlin behaves." The 25-year-old looked up to connect his gaze with his mother's. "Hmm? No, I'm just .. a tad tired, 's all. I've traveled over 8.000 kilometres, Ma. Throw me a bone, here."

" **Sean Criostoir McLoughlin** , don't you dare to speak a lie to your own mother!"

The young adult sighed aloud, letting his head fall back as to emphasize his discomfort. " _Maaa_..."

"What's troubling you? C'mon now, speak up. Have I not taught my children to vent instead of keeping it bottled up? You know that honesty is the key to maintain any relationship."

Sean wanted to mentally slap himself, followed up by a quick and smooth escape. But once his mother had dug her nails into any kind of distress haunting her children, she wasn't likely to let go anytime soon.

"I don't know, ma. I feel very conflicted about all of it. A part of me wants nothing more than to talk about it, yet another part tries to convince me with all its might, that it won't pay off if I do." The brunette narrowed her gaze, arms folded on the tabletop. "Does it occupy your mind?"

"Yeah.."

She leaned in a bit closer. "Does it seize to occupy your mind?"

"Not on its own .."

"Then talk to me, dear. I don't want it to consume you in its whole."

* * *

 

Mark watched closely as a collection of snowflakes fell from the pitch-black night sky. The surrounding stars would lit up brightly and diminish again in a steady rhythm. And the combination of yellows, blacks and white calmed Mark's soul as he sat there, just watching in utmost serenity. Two stars in particular attracted his attention, as they shone the brightest among the present stars. He told himself it were the souls of his father and Daniel looking down on him, guiding him down the troubled road the man had paved for himself. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, thus he closed them in attempt to deprive them of a change to trail down his face in messy, wet streaks. He did not want to cry anymore, he had done that enough as it was. And he knew it wouldn't make it any easier on him, if he were to cry.

_Please, guide me, father. Send out your light and and truth, let them lead me. You gave me your good spirit to instruct me, and withheld not .._

With a sleeve the man dried his tears. Muffled sniffles reversed through the room, accompanied by the sounds of chocked out and whispered curses, as he damned himself for not being able to see. What solution would he find in the consuming depths of the night, shrouded in the darkness without a single ray of hope to illuminate the obstacles ahead? He trapped his bottom lip between a row of teeth in utter desperation. The stars increased in size and their luminosity together, yet no disclosure ever wrapped its virgin wings around this forlorn being. Another set of tears had formed, and this time he couldn't muster the strength to erase them. They rushed down, crashing into a thousand separate water particles as they found their demise in a sudden death. Mark was tired, so damn tired..

_Father of salvation, day and night I have cried before you. I cry in the daytime, but you hear not, and by night I find no rest. Every day I cry out to you, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, yet I find no relief._

Sean stared at the night sky intensively, hoping he would find an answer buried underneath the blankets of snow engulfing the unknowing Earth. The virgin color it held reminded him of an emotion he felt every now and then, pure and nescient of what it was that kept the world spinning. The depths of the unknown and understanding of the things he had yet to find in the opaque. His heart pleaded for mercy, yet his mind was determined to continue contriving different ways to exhaust this fragile creature. Unforgiving, with a hint of cruelty, yet life wouldn't shy away from justifying its incomprehensible ways. A name was never pieced together from the bits and pieces Mark had given him, and it held a tight grip on his weakening heart. How can one understand when one cannot see clearly?

_My eyes are dim with grief, so I call to you, father. Every day I spread out my hands to you. Even when I call or cry out for help, you shut out my prayer._

He gritted through the feeling of tears welling up. He saw no point in weeping, it wouldn't clear his mind, and only left his insides numb momentarily. He did not believe an answer would be handed to him on a silver platter, life guided him down the outlandish paths. He would embrace the knowledge he needed, kneeling in a pile of dirt. His hands trembled, his heartbeat softened. The outcome of any of his future actions, would never register as righteous. One is not permitted to benefit from releaving another's pain. The universe is unforgiving, it would never see fairness and sympathy in these given options. Remorse it would fill your hands with, and repentance was the name one's heart would receive. Thus many wandered in the dark, for ages, for a lifetime, for ever. Not knowing that the light had been within themselves all that time.. But reliving the hardships shrouding one's soul, was a sacrifice none were eager to make. They would rather dwell in the dark, if it would relieve their pain. Ignorance is bliss..

_Father, I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. You have fed them with the bread of tears; you have made them drink tears by the bowlful._

Thus many wandered in the dark, for ages, for a lifetime, for ever. Not knowing that the light had been within themselves all that time.. But reliving the hardships shrouding one's soul, was a sacrifice none were eager to make. They would rather dwell in the dark, if it would relieve their pain.

_**Ignorance is bliss, father.** _

"I'm not sure if I'm able to.."

It broke her heart to see one her children fight with their very own emotions like that. But she knew Sean was an adult now, and it was up to him whether he wanted to out his burdens or not.

"C'mon, try me. You never know whether I might be able to help you." She shot her son a playful wink, and sipped her cooling tea. "I might be just an old lady to you, but this old lady has had her fair share of hardship in her lifetime. Perhaps my past experiences could guide you with whatever it is that is on your mind at the moment."

Sean chuckled. "Ma, you're not at all old."

His mother simply shrugged and waved her wrist a bit. "I'm already heading toward 53, slowly but surely, I'm gettin' there." She laughed once she saw Sean shake his head.  
"You won't let it go, will ya now, ma?" This time it was her turn to shake her head. "Now, on ya go. Enlighten me with your story." Sean breathed out a sigh.  
"Promise me you won't look down your nose on me .."

The elderly woman raised an eyebrow in utter amazement upon hearing her own son say those words, and placed her hand on top of her son's. "Sweetie, you are my child. My flesh and blood, I love you with all that I am. I would **never** think negatively of you, no matter what you say or do."


	6. Chapter 6

Christmas had arrived and families would gather around the dinner table, caught up in many conversations about the most meaningless topics, but thrilled nonetheless to be around familiar faces again, for this one time of the year. This was how it went in most households, felicity decorated the surrounding atmosphere as humanity enjoyed the love they felt for one another. Tables filled with heaps of food, one kind more exotic than the other, empty plates piling up in the kitchen, waiting for another day to find the warm embrace of of water and soap. Rooms crowed, delicious smells lingering in nearly every nook and cranny of the house. An overall feeling of satisfaction within the hearts and minds of many. And yet .. every Christmas has its exceptions. Bliss would be misguided, lost and tangled among other bottled emotions kept behind the solid bars of tormented hearts. The welcomed feeling one gets upon entering the family circle, faded and shattered. And the pieces left to collect dust, with the rest of unknown feelings of loneliness and incomprehension, as one was unaware of the reason to why they felt that way. Left in the dark, Groping for something to hold onto in sheer nothingness.

Two women couldn't overlook the inner struggles their children coped with. Both evenly concerned on the matter, yet also evenly shiftless, as they could not bestow them with the light they were so eagerly searching for. They were rendered silent and motionless, left to watch their own flesh and blood wither under the glow of the Christmas lights. Nearby faces showed nothing but genuine smiles, yet theirs crumbled and emotionless. They would just exist, nothing more, nothing less. Unclear as to what their eyes perceived, unclear as to what their brains processed in the moment. They were mere shadows cast on the floor, occupying space, coloring a surface. No reason, no motive. And it broke the women's hearts. A mother's job is never done, but there comes a point when they have to let go of their young ones. All they can do is guide them along the way, and steer them in the right direction when they drift off. They are left to watch from the sidelines .. and that's a realization that pains every mother.

Both women looked up in surprise as their sons suddenly got up. No word said, convinced that the steps they took were destined ones. Feet running up a flight stairs and stopping in front of a bedroom door.

Mark eyed the guestroom Sean had been staying in for the last couple of months.  
He lowered himself onto the bed, face buried in the pillow, arms wrapped around the item.

Sean eyes wandered towards the laptop that rested on his desk, glowing under the moonlight as it pierced its way through the set of closed curtains.  
His fingers traced over the keyboard, and he bit his bottom lip when he saw the little screen lit up.

Mark sat upright again, and found the computer in the corner of the room. Doubt clouded his mind, but he decided against it,   
as he slowly made his way over, and booted it up.

 **~** Sean was one mouse click away from ending his growing feeling of self loathing..   
One measly click, still it weighed down on him.

Once the screen lit up, a small smile pricked the corners of Mark's mouth. Familiarity, acceptance and gratitude. His index finger hovered over the mouse, all he needed to do is click once. Just once ..  
 **~** Sean clicked. And once the familiar sound of the dial tone resounded, he breathed out a sigh. It was now or never..

They both gasped as they saw a pair of tear filled eyes looking back at them. Heartbeats fastened, muscles tensing up sporadically. What were they thinking..? They both knew exactly what this feeling was called among society's participants, but .. speaking its name was dreadful. Sinful even .. They no longer wanted to fight back the tears, it had never been their intention. Their hearts and souls were open, yet their mouths remained shut. Why did it have to be this hard.. ? Why, goddamn it.. ? Sean wiped the wetness from his cheeks with a baggy sleeve, never taking his eyes of those gentle darker ones.  
The owner of said eyes smiled compassionately, but never dried his own tears. He did not mind if Sean would see them spring to life. He wanted Sean's eyes to follow their path as they fell down, one by one. He was too tired to hide his feelings any longer.. He had done that for far too long.

Sean smiled softly. There was so much that he wanted to say, but he so desperately wanted Mark's voice to speak his name. His eyes shimmered when he saw Mark part his lips ..

".. Sean."

A tear fell from the corner of the Irishman's eye, but he decided to smile through it.

* * *

 

"I'm scared, ma .."

"What is there to be scared of, sweetie?"

"I'm afraid to end up hurt.. I'm afraid that I won't be good enough .. I'm afraid to end up hurting Mark."

"Why would you feel that way? How would you possibly be able to hurt Mark?"

"... I have the nagging feeling that Mark is clinging onto me, because he is scared to death of losing another loved one .."

"That's a natural reaction, Sean. The grieving-process needs time to lessen, but once it does, he'll be able to think rationally again. Give him some time.."

"No, ma .. It has already gone too far. I .. I - I allowed him to form these emotions for me.. feelings that I won't be able to answer .."

"What do you mean, sweetie? I don't think I fully understand what you're gettin' at .."

"We .. shared a kiss."

"Oh .."

"I might have given him the impression that I'm able to sort out my emotions like he did effortlessly .. Well, I'm not. And I resent myself for doing that .. I've seen how it has tormented him so far, and .. I can't shake the feeling of being responsible for his pain .."

"You do not return a kiss if there isn't a hint of mutual affection, Sean. Perhaps .. the time has come for you to finally let go of your past, and move forward. I know it isn't easy to turn that switch, but you can't cling onto what **has** happened forever, you have to start clinging onto what **can** still happen. The future holds many outcomes, but for you to see the best ones, you'll have to take risks. As frightening as that may seem .."

"I don't want to hurt him, ma .. I do care about him.."

"Baby, dry your tears. The both of you will know when the time is right, and when that time has come, you'll find the strength to overcome your fears. And if this is our Lord's plan for you two boys, then you will find a way to come together as one. Trust me, God has a plan for us all."

"You know I have no faith, ma."

"The Lord does not care about tedious details, Sean. He loves all of his children equally. He does not need your faith in order for him to guide you through the darkness. Just follow his lead, and he'll bring you to the light." 

* * *

 

 "This has been the worst Christmas by far.."

Mark smiled, as he dried his cheeks of remains of wetness. All he wanted to do was smile. Smile at that fragile being at the other end of the connection. The darkness clouding his heart fading ever so slightly.

"I'm so-"

" **Don't**." Sean said, as he interrupted Mark mid sentence. He couldn't bare to hear another apology come out of his mouth. The Irishman fidgeted with his bracelets, not sure how to act in this situation.

"Sean, let me finish." They locked eyes instantly. "I'm sorry for not being honest with you. Remember .. when I told you that I get lonely sometimes?" Mark watched as Sean nodded slowly. "I don't get lonely _sometimes_ , I'm lonely all the damn time. Ever since I have lost my dad, my image of the world around me changed dramatically."

Sean opened his mouth, wanting to speak, but Mark cut him off.

"Don't bother. I know that you're sorry, everybody is sorry .. I have heard it for months on end, and even though I know that all they intend to do is sooth the aching that has been consuming me. I've heard those words one time too many, that I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.. I thought Jessica loved me, it turned out that I was dead wrong. I never once thought that I had to walk behind my father's coffin, as they carried him inside the church. I... wanted to complement his life with a family of my own one day, little me's that would visit him, and call out to him with : _hal-abeoji._ "

A smile found its way to the Irishman's lips. "That means .. grandpa, right?"

Mark nodded. "There was so much more that I wanted to share with my father, and it has all been taken away from us. And despite the fact that it was a cruel act of God, I have found peace within his departure eventually. My mother elucidates how proud my father and herself have always been of me.. I like to treasure the knowledge that my father was proud to call me his son.."

"I .. don't know what to say. I am so sorry .. I really wish I could comfort you, but .."

"It's okay, Sean. I don't need the compassion, or pity even, from outsiders. It won't lessen the pain, and it sure as hell won't help me with my mourning. I need to do this on my own, but before you start rambling ... I do accept the the helping hands that are reached out to me... Yours in particular. I .. Kind of need your hand." As he finished that sentence, the Korean man grinned. "I didn't mean for it to sound that dirty.."

Sean laughed out loud, to quickly cover his mouth with his hand. His eyes softened and it was followed up by an innocent giggle. "I don't mind at all.. I'm a sucker for dick **-** "

Mark burst into a fit of laughter. " _You're a sucker for dick_ .. Sean, please. Don't do this to me.."

The Irish man chuckled. "I didn't .." He stopped in his tracks to give it a second thought. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to leave Mark to his fantasies. He smiled cheaply into the amused look currently present on Mark's face.

"Maybe .. if you let me ... I'll try to be a sucker for dick one day."

Mark's face fell instantly. "W.. wh-at?"

 **Gotcha**. "You heard me, Markimoo."

* * *

 

"I'm on it." Wade shouted over the surround sound of the many speakers placed around Mark's living room. He stepped over the clutter on the floor. Tangled cables, plastic candy wrappers, and crumbs of food. Mark's voice echoed in the back ground as Wade made his way toward the hallway. The sound of bullets being fired, virtual characters screaming in agony, and two men laughing in sheer amusement. The door bell rang again, much to Wade's dismay. He turned the key inside of the lock. The door swung open slowly, and the man's face fell once he saw the familiar face that greeted him at the doorstep. He pulled his mind out of the gutter, and returned the man's incoming hug. He then turned toward the living room.

**"MARK!"**

"Come in. You live here after all.." Wade said, pushing the man toward the noisy living room. "I bet someone will be thrilled to see you." A smile crept upon the brunette's face, and he followed the visitor in his tracks. All sounds faded instantly, a head full of faded pink hair shot up. "Sean .." The Irishman greeted his friends with a wide smile, and waved at them. Whilst Mark jumped up, Bob and Wade exchanged looks. Mark pulled the green-haired individual into a smothering hug, his heart racing at a million miles per minute. Bob nodded at a grinning Wade. "I think that's our cue to leave.." Bob got up, and started to gather his belongings. When both men released each other, Mark eyed the blonde in confusion. "Where are you going? We were in the middle of something!' As he shoved his phone into his pockets, Bob shrugged his shoulders. "And now you are in the middle of another thing." Instantly, Sean waved his hands sporadically. “No, please. There’s no need for you guys to pack up and go. You’re welcome to stay.” Mark nodded approvingly. “Exactly. What the fuck do you guys think that we’ll do, that you can’t see ..?”

A moment of silence passed, before the realization hit Mark and he furrowed his brows. “Goddammit, not this shit again..” Both Bob and Wade started laughing, which caused Sean to eye them confused as balls the size of the ones the Atomium was made out off.   
“What did you tell them?” He asked, shifting his gaze toward Mark, as his worries grew. The Korean instantly threw his hands up.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing! What is there to tell anyway? There’s nothing to talk about.. right?” They kept their eyes locked for a moment, with Bob and Wade laughing in the background. Sean furrowed his brow, arms crossed like a 5-year old would. “What the actual fuck, Mark? What do you mean there’s nothing to talk about?” The Korean’s eyes widened. “What the hell? Am I missing something here? There is nothing! You said so yourself two weeks ago.” This caught Bob and Wade’s attention, and the brunette’s grin widened. “You owe me 5 bucks, Myskens. Hand it over.” Against his better judgment, he took out his wallet. This only intensified Mark and Sean’s confusion even more. “What the fuck kind of gloomy shit are you two doing in my house?” As Wade put away his dollar bill, he shrugged at Mark.

“You know goddamn well what we bet on.” He pointed a bony finger at Sean. “You guys have a thing going on. It’s obvious as balls.”

“The Atomium’s balls .. “ Sean added in a whimper.   
Wade grinned. “Is that how you call them? What about you, Mark? What are his called?”  
Mark narrowed his eyes. “You’re minutes away from eating a fist, Barnes.”  
“Save it for Sean. Nice and tight.”

As Mark was about to jump up, he was grabbed at the bicep, by Sean – who shook his head dismissively. “Don’t ..” He calmed down a little, running a hand through his faded pink locks. “Maybe you should go. Just .. in case something were to happen that I might regret doing. The door is right there, don’t let it hit you on the way out.”

“Wow, Mark. Calm your nipples, are you for real, right now?” Wade exclaimed startled like a deer caught in headlights. Mark’s face remained stern, his arm held out toward the hallway. “Door. Outside. **Go.** ”

As Wade let himself out, two pairs of eyes were fixated on the pissed off Korean. Bob nervously fidgeted with his leather wallet, whilst Sean softened the hold he had on Mark’s bicep. “That was highly unnecessary, Mark .. Honestly ..” He said.

* * *

 

Bob and Sean watched Mark as he left for the kitchen, for clanking sounds to reverb shortly after. The men looked at each other in wonder, but decided to let it go with a simple shrug of the shoulders. Seeing how the tension had spread throughout the house, Sean decided to unpack his stuff. Thus Bob Muyskens was left on his own in the stalled living room. He looked around aimlessly, to end up resuming the game he and Mark had been playing before. Once again the sounds of machine guns and gruesome screams echoed from the surround sound speakers.

* * *

 

_"So .. technically, what is this .. that's been going on between us?" Sean asked, once he felt the smile he wore on his face, fading little by little. This conversation was originally intended to be covering another topic completely. That aside, he did enjoy to see Mark smile again, and he was grateful that the man had found rejoice within their, virtual, reunion. But he was desperate to hear an answer from Mark, any answer would do. He just needed to give it a name._

_Mark pressed his lips together, and his eyes found another object to focus on. Yet .. he did not know what to say to that question. They both knew that it was called 'love', it need not to be spelled out, nor was a drawn picture necessary, but the fear of scaring away the other, weighed them down. Mark wanted nothing more than to voice his feelings, yet he feared losing one of his best friends once he did. "I ..have an idea, and I know you do too .."_

_"You've kissed me, Mark. I know what you feel, or at least .. I think I do." Sean bit his bottom lip, watching the Korean man trapped within that little square on Skype. He wanted to see his dark eyes, yet the man never looked up. "All I want to know is what you expect from me. I don't know .. how to react, I haven't had the time to properly process it yet."_

_Mark's eyes traced toward Sean's. "You didn't seem to mind when I did.. So I figured that the feelings were mutual."_

_As expected, Sean shook his head. "That's because I didn't, no. I .. had a feeling that you .. I don't know, I don't want to sound smug about it or anything .. I was aware that you were into me, or something like that .."_   
_Upon hearing that, Mark's eyes lit up and a hopeful smile had formed on his lips. "Maybe a bit, I can't deny that. That wouldn't be reasonable if I did.. But .. I want to know how you feel about it."_

* * *

 

Sean threw his bags on the bed, and rubbed his face with both hands. Familiar grounds, but in a way, he was also glad to be back here. **With Mark** .. 

Mark placed the pots and pans on the stove, turning the knobs and watched as they heated up. He breathed out a puff of air, he had been sucking up for some reason. Spending Christmas with his family wasn't an experience he was able to treasure. Mainly due to the ruckus between himself and Sean.. And now he had returned. He felt somewhat completed again. Sean came back. **Back to him** ..

* * *

 

_"I can't say that it bothers me, I mean .. I .. I want you to be happy, Mark."_

_"I am .. Bullshitting with you helps me forget about all of the negatives .. Then I am happy."_

_"Just say it Mark. I think we both need to hear it.."_

_Mark sighed deeply. "I think .. no, I know that I have certain feelings for you. And the matter of fact is .. with each day, they grow and become more intense. But .." He scratched along his lower arm. "Before you react, I don't expect anything from you. It's nice to know that you accept my feelings, and that's what matters the most. The fact that you accept me, as a person, means a lot to me."_

_Sean smiled reassuringly. "Of course, man. I respect you, and I respect that it isn't easy for you to open up. I want to give you all the damn time in the world, if that's what you need. Even if we're miles away from each other, I'll always find a way to make you smile. I'm jam-packed with bullshit, so that oughtta be easy, don't ye think?"_

_Mark responded with a silent nod. "I appreciate that immensely, Sean. I really do .." He quickly wiped the incoming tears away, and covered up their short existence with a heartfelt smile. "Is it safe for me to say .. that .. I.."_

_Sean nodded mid sentence. "I love you too, man."_

* * *

 

"Dinner's ready. Come and get it!"

Footsteps roared throughout the house, a pair coming down the stairs, another pair from the living room. Noises immediately filled up the kitchen area, and when Mark turned around to place a last pot on the table, he was greeted by the two grinning faces of his friends.

"Well then .. Eager as balls, I see. I'll take it as a compliment to my cooking skills .."

He walked over to where Sean was seated and started scooping his plate with heaps of food. Much to Bob's amazement, as he eyed the ever-growing pile of food. Sean quickly found Bob's gaze, and shrugged it off with a smile. Then Mark smiled widely.

"Jacksiepoo needs to eat a lot of deliciousness to grow big and strong." Bob burst into a fit of laughter, and quickly covered his mouth with a hand as he shook his head. "Give that boy something to eat, Mark. He's wasting away, for God's sake!"

When Mark put the plate back down, Sean eyed it with big eyes. "Thank you, Jesus!"

"The name is _**Mark**_ , but feel free to call me whatever you please .."

Sean locked his eyes with Mark's and grinned sweetly. "Thank you dearly, babe."

Mark nearly chocked on his baked potato, and Bob came to the rescue by patting the Korean's back while laughing.

* * *

 

Mark stood in front of Sean's bedroom door, hesitating whether he should knock or not. He weighed down the options in his mind, completely absorbed in his own little world. The door suddenly swung open, and the Korean man was greeted by the smiling face of the Irishman. "Can I help you?" Mark's nerves kicked in and he raised his hands within a matter of seconds. "No .. I just, wanted to make sure you had everything you need.." He was fully aware of how silly that had sounded, thus he scratched the back of his head. Sean simply nodded. "I'm fine, thank you. Anything else?" Mark regretted ever coming upstairs in the first place. How would he be able to talk himself out of this mess? "Uhm.. Can I take some of your time?" A pair of blue eyes shimmered ever so slightly. "I'll give you all the minutes I have left, _if_ .. you give me three of yours." Mark's eyebrows arched up. "Huh?" The green haired individual smiled into it. "Well, I kinda have to take a piss real quick." Mark immediately nodded, and forced a smile onto his lips. "Oh! Y-yes.. Of course! Go ahead!" The 25-year-old squeezed past him, and ran towards the bathroom down the hall.

On his tippy-toes, Mark sneaked into Sean's bedroom. As he let his eyes feast upon the interior, he noticed how tidy the man had kept his tiny living space. He wasn't kidding when he told Mark, he tended to get a bit OCD about cleaning.. Exhaling a held back sigh, he dropped his frame onto Sean's bed. As he nested himself on the mattress, he noticed a pair of neon-green headphones. His curiosity got the best of him, thus he reached for it, placed it on his head and listened to the fast-paced guitar-riffs and screaming voices blasting past his poor eardrums. Shortly after, Sean re-appeared in the doorway of his room. He watched the faces Mark would make every now and then - sneaked towards the bed and flopped himself onto the unsuspecting Korean. The sudden increase in weight, caused Sean to crash down onto him, and shocked as balls, he looked up into Sean's playful eyes. The neon-green headphones fell down, and hung around his neck now. "Whoa .. I didn't hear you there.." He gasped, unable to tear his gaze away from Sean's. The Irishman only showed a kittenish grin plastered onto his lips. "I figured." He planted his hands on each side of Mark's head. "You liked what you were listening to?"

Mark's face reddened, yet he could not look away. "Yes.." He mumbled, nearly getting lost in the icy blue eyes that were peering into his very soul. He then shook his head. "I mean, n-no. Way too loud for my taste.." Sean's eyes were practically burning a hole through Mark's very soul at this moment. "How peculiar. You say you don't like loud things, yet you seem to like me.. _**a lot**_." Mark furrowed his brows. "That's .. different." He held his breath when Sean leaned in closer and he could feel his breath on his face. "How so?" Sean asked in a husky voice. Mark could simply take no more! A million volts ran through his body, residing in one body part in particular.

_Oh dear God, no, please no!_

With a single shove, he had pushed Sean off of him, and he jumped off the bed. "I have to go!" He wrapped his hands around his abdomen, and shuffled his way towards the bedroom door. "Like .. now! Now, now, now!" Once Mark had fled in utter embarrassment, Sean let himself fall back onto his bed. With his hands he fumbled the comforter, when it hit him. "That bastard took me headphones .." He said chuckling to himself.

* * *

 

Sean was standing at Mark's bedroom door, eavesdropping much like a 7-year-old. When he didn't pick up any sounds, he leaned in a little closer, his head mere inches away from the actual door itself. A muffled moan resounded out of the blue, giving the Irishman a near heart attack, which caused him to lose his balance and crash into the door whilst outing a mouthful of foul swears. With a cracking sound, the door swung open forcefully. A lump of limbs laid spread across the floor in a mangled mess, face having an uncomfortable arrangement with the hardwood floor. Mark's eyes widened, hand going limp, **pronto**. "What the hell?!"

Groaning in sheer pain, the Irishman rubbed his sore nose, as he watched Mark's horrified reaction through a set of tears. "It really hurts, ye fuck .." Mark didn't seem to be that concerned with Sean's condition, as he was about his own. "What are you even doing? What the fuck, Jack?!"

Bringing out his inner child, Sean swung his arms about vigorously. "Can't you see that I'm going through hell right now?" He dropped onto his knees, and dried his tears. As Mark eyed the hurting man currently seated on his knees, he smirked. "I can't .. really, get up to help you .. at the moment." Sean's gaze shifted from Mark to the duvet. "I reckon.." Mark's eyes quickly softened, and a commiserative smile adorned his face. "Are you alright, boo?" He got a nod in response. "Yeah, I guess so.." A pair of blue eyes found the man covered by the duvet once more, before he grinned. "How 'bout yerself there?" The Korean man laughed softly. "I was doing great actually.. But tell me, what were you doing just now?" Sean's grin dropped soon. "Ye .. got me headphones. You took 'em withcha .."

"I did?"

"Yeah.. I need 'em back."

A wanton grin took over Mark's features. "What do I get in return?" Blue eyes received an innocent twinkle among them. "What .. do ya want?" Mark pushed the duvet upward with a hand. "The given situation makes that kind of obvious, don't ya think?" Much to Sean's dismay, as he covered his eyes with both hands.

"What're ya doin'? Stop that!" Laughter echoed throughout the Korean man's bedroom. "Are you serious right now?"

"I don't need visuals, ya kno'?!"

Laughing to himself, Mark shook his head as he bit his lower lip. "We'll trade. Your headphones .. for my pleasure."

Sean narrowed his eyes. "Don't. Ye fuckin' wanker.."

'Was that a no?"  
"Mark! Shut up!"

"How adorable!" Mark shrieked, as his smile widened. "Tell you what .. You don't have to touch me, but .." He patted the empty space on his bed. "I want _something_ from you. Doesn't matter what, as long as it's from **you**." Not really sure what kind of reaction would suit the current situation, Sean seated himself next to Mark on the bed.

"Don't show me again, okay ye fuck? Don't ye dare!"

Mark chuckled as he leaned in. "Just shut up." They got caught up in an innocent kiss, which Mark broke when he noticed the way Sean fidgeted with his hands. "You nervous?" Sean averted his gaze, a frown present, and cheeks a soft shade of pink. "I'mma gob ya.."

"How about this .. kiss my neck. Just kissing.. Your eyes will be closed, so I can finish off without getting you uncomfortable."  
"I'll still be able to hear ya!"  
  
Mark grinned at that statement. "You'll hear **more** of that in the future anyways, so stop bitching, Jacksiepoo."

"Wha.. What?"

" **You heard me**. Now .. What do you say?"

"Uh .." Sean mumbled shyly, locking his gaze with Mark's again. "A'ight, I suppose that's fine .."

* * *

 

Next morning ~ Imagine, birds are chirping, the sunlight shines through the blinds, that weird 'morning effect' song playing in the background. Yeah, I'm setting the mood here, I don't see anyone else doing it!

As the first rays of sunlight entered Mark's bedroom, he opened his eyes halfway. Letting out a yawn, he turned to his right, to find the sight on a sleeping sound Irishman. A little smile formed on Mark's lips upon seeing oranges and greys tracing his sleeping form. He pressed a kiss on the man's forehead, while speaking the words : **nae jag-eun emelaldeu.** ( _my little emerald_ ) The sunlight brightened up, pricking in the tiresome eyes of the Irishman. Furrowing his brows, and wriggling his nose, he managed to crack his eyes open a little. " **daiamondeuneun yeppeo issseubnida.** " ( _diamonds are prettier_ ) He spoke in a whisper, as he snuggled closer into Mark's chest. He adored the fact that Mark always had been naturally muscular, damn that man and his good genes.. Resounding soft laughter, Mark ran some fingers through a puff of messy green hair. A precious little gem, a rough emerald yet waiting to be found, dusted off and treasured. He prayed to one day be granted to take on that role. He would treasure this rare rock with every fibre of his very being."Everybody searches far and wide, in the hopes to find a diamond one day.. But I'd much rather have a more .. rugged gem."

The younger male closed his eyes again, easing into the warmth of Mark's body. He hadn't felt this secure in a long time. "Are you indirectly sayin' that ye rather have something unique, instead of the one thing most desire?" A shadow crept over Sean's resting figure, as Mark bent over to kiss the tip of Sean's nose. " **naneun wanbyeog-eul joh-ahaji anhneunda**." ( _I don't like perfection_ ) The younger male felt his limbs heat up under the gentle touches, and decided to open his eyes again. "I thought you didn't speak Korean, aside from a few words.." The matres rocked a little, indicating that Mark had been chuckling softly. "I'm Markiplier. There's **nothing** I _can't_ do." The 25-year-old pushed himself upright, and continued by stretching his upper body and arms with a loud groan. "Maybe .. you can teach me sometime." He turned to Mark, still stretching his arms. "I'd love to learn how to speak Korean." Flashing a warm smile, Mark seated himself directly behind Sean, wrapping his arms around his slender frame, and pulling it in closer. When Sean's back hit his chest, he kissed the man's crown. "Sounds good. Your pronunciation sounds great so far." A shade of red made its way onto the Irishman's cheeks, and he slightly smiled into it. "Thank you.. I've had a lot of practice."

Mark rubbed Sean's belly gingerly with a hand, whiles he let his head rest on his shoulder. "Is that so? That's nice." As he felt his blush deepen, he kept an eye on Mark's hands. A certain tingling sensation spread throughout his body, and he had no clue how to react to it. "Yeah, quite." the green haired man breathed. "I .. love the language and culture.." He felt how Mark's fingers crawled underneath the fabric of his shirt, and the tips now caressed the bare skin, whilst a pair of lips found the nape of his neck. "Hmm, thank you. Perhaps you can teach me some Irish.." Mark bit in a patch of flesh. "They breed some fine men." Sean immediately petrified, and squeaked. "M.-M.. ar-k.."

"Yeah?" The man spoke in a deep voice, tracing his teeth across Sean's neck, digging in the porcelain flesh, and flickering a wet tongue along the fresh bite marks. Sean's mind was starting to fog up, and in a shaking voice, he only managed to pant the following words : Fuck .. Don't. Mark's lips never ceased to ravish the younger male's neck. He sucked on the reddening skin, content once the patch of skin showed its first signs of internal bruising, and continuing his way down, towards the Irishman's collarbones. "Why not?" He asked in between hungry kisses. Sean bit his lower lip in an attempt to silence himself, and squeezed his eyes shut shortly after. "Aa-hh.." Mark just sucked harder upon hearing the younger male's desperate whimpers. His fingers traced down Sean's abdomen, fidgeting with the elastics of his boxer short. The man gasped, and grabbed Mark's hand to push it way. "Mark.. Don't. Really now .." He turned around, so he could face the Korean man.

He was confronted with a uncomprehending look on the man's face. His eyes softened, and the corners of his mouth fell down. ".. I'm sorry." For a moment there, it looked like Mark hung his head in pure and utter shame. It filled Sean's gut with a sense of intense guilt, and he reached a hand towards Mark. "No, no, no! It's okay! Really.." He ran a number of fingers through Mark's messy locks. "It's just .. I don't know.." Mark's almond eyes lit up a little. "You're not ready yet?"

"Aw, c'mon now! You make it sound like I'm some kind of virgin!"

"Well .. that's because in this scenario, you are!"

"So are you!"

Mark laughed. "You don't hear me bitch about it, do ya now?"

"Because I'm not groping at your dick!"

"Uhm.." Mark stated, holding back a chuckle. "I remember something completely different. Remember?"

" **GODDAMN IT, MARK!** "

Laughing, Mark placed his two hands on either one of Sean's cheeks, and pressed his face together. "Smile, Jackie. You are so much cuter when yo do!" Looking directly into Mark's joy filled eyes, the Irishman frowned. " _Lwewt gwo ow me fwawe!_ " After releasing the 25-year-old, the Korean clapped his hands, whilst bouncing up and down enthusiastically. " **You are so cute!!!** " Sean covered his face in the palms of his hands. "Hand me my shirt. I'm gonna hit the shower. I can't deal with this no mo'!" He jumped off the bed, catching a random shirt Mark threw him. When he did, he found Mark's puppy dog eyes. "Can I join you? I'll scrub your back, if you scrub mine .."

"Some Korean guy gonn' die tonight!"

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

As Sean sauntered into the kitchen, Bob looked up from the screen of his phone, to follow the slender male with his eyes. He raised an eyebrow, lips pressed together. "Sean .. are you wearing one of Mark's shirts?" Sean, who was eyeing the fridge's contents, looked up once he heard Bob's voice spring to life. "What?" The blonde man simply nodded toward the plain white T-shirt Sean wore. "Your shirt .. it's one of Mark's." For a second time this morning, Sean petrified. "N-no, it's not." He managed to choke out, but Bob would have none of it. "Yeah. Yeah, it is so." The Irishman knitted his eyebrows together and turned to face the American man.

"How would you know? Maybe we both own the same shirt.." Agreeing, Bob gave a quick nod of the head, only for his stern gaze to return shortly after. "That would be possible, but isn't it weird how that one has a pink smudge on it? The exact same color as Mark's pink hair dye." Sean's muscles cramped up. "Mark lent it to me .." The man with the glasses nodded. "Hmm, I see. Well, that's _**peculiar**_ , since that is one of the shirts Mark usually sleeps in. He separates his formal wear from his sleep wear." The 25-year-old slowly started to lose his patience. "Maybe they got mixed up in the laundry.." Bob just breathed a dismissive sigh. "Most unlikely."

Sean just snapped, then and there, in front of the poor fridge. The poor thing had nothing to do with it.. such a shame..

"OKAY! WE SLEPT TOGETHER! GET OFF ME BACK!"

Bob's face melted into an amused grin. With a slight hint of achievement, maybe.. Probably so. "Sure took you guys a while." Bob's words hit him in the face like a wooden chair. "No .. No, NO! NOT LIKE THAT! ARGH, GOD FUCK .."

The commotion of loudness downstairs, peaked Mark's interest. He draped his towel over his shoulders, and ran downstairs. When he arrived in the kitchen, he saw Sean with a bright red face, and a LOL'ing as balls Bob. He narrowed his eyes, as he shifted his gaze to the blonde. "What did you do to my honey drop?" Bob shrugged, still snickering. "He shared his sexual experiences with me.." He spoke between giggles. Mark's eyebrows went as high as they've ever been, as he watched Bob choking on his own fits of laughter. Sean's frustrated voice jumped in. "I DID NOT!" Bob sunk a bit further down in his seat, grabbing a hold of himself in his ever growing laughter. "You literally said that you have slept with Mark." Then the mood had changed completely, as Mark squeezed his eyes to slits and a grin took over. " _Did he now_?"

Sean's face only got more red. " **NO, I DID NOT**!" He grabbed a fist full of green hair. "I meant to say that we shared a bed! We slept in the same fuckin' bed!" Bob's hyena-esque laughed dimmed down a little. "And coincidentally on top of each other.." Sean's eyes teared up out of sheer frustration. "NO! GODDAMN, FUCK, _SHITE_ , BALLS!" he shouted, swinging his arms around like some kind of carnival attraction. Mark folded his hands together, and watched the Irishman dearly as the continued throwing a raging fit in front of the, still very much innocent, fridge. "Isn't Irish such a lovely language? ~"

Bob burst into another fit of laughter, slamming his fist onto the table top.  
Losing his shit, Sean resorted to his fine roots. " **Tá mé ag dul a chaill mé mo cac! Tá mé ag dul a mharú ar fad agat bastards i do chodladh!** " ( _I'm losing my shit right now! I'm gonna kill you two bastards!_ )

* * *

 

"So .. the two of you shared a bed." Bob said, trying his best to maintain his fits of giggles. "When's the wedding due?" He cracked out, laughing ever so jolly. Mark's smile matched his friend's, and shaking his head, he went about to set the breakfast table. "We've slept in the same bed before. It's no big deal, buddy."

Bob had to bite his fist, as the laughter wouldn't cease. Not even a bit. "Seriously, Mark?" He breathed heavily, wiping the saliva off his hand, looking at it with a disgusted face. "You are crushing on him. Hardcore. I've seen you crush before, I know all the vital signs by now." He watched the Korean, breathing out a sigh of relief as his laughter had finally decided do die down. "You kicked Wade out of your goddamn house because he flat out told you, what is obvious to all of us!"

" _What if I am?_ " Mark asked, as he turned around. A basket with bread held in his hands. Bob's gaze shifted from the basket, to his friend. A fit of giggles returned. "You kicked .. Wade .. out of your house! Mark, fuck! Throw me a bone here, I'm dying!"

* * *

 

Mark had felt a little upset about the intense frustrations Sean had felt a little while ago. He already told Bob to start breakfast without him, as he excused himself so he could search for that little ball of green hair. As expected, that ball of green hair was seated in front of his computer, his face lit up by the primary blue hue the screen radiated onto its surroundings. With a smile adorning his lips, Mark made his way over to the desk chair, and hugged the younger male from behind. He placed a gentle kiss on his crown. "Hey. You alright?" The Irishman's hand trembled slightly, as it rested on the computer's mouse. "What d'ya think?" He retorted, closing the window that had popped up on the screen. It must have been one of his social media forums, or at least something one checked regularly. Mark voiced a laugh, resting his chin on one of Sean's small shoulders. "Bob means no harm by saying any of that." His smile widened. "Quite contrary, he's very supportive. He means well." Two pairs of eyes were fixated on the colorful backdrop that was displayed on Sean's monitor. It was one of the many fan arts Sean received on a daily base. A drawing of Septiceye Sam, Sean's beloved mascot. "I don't feel 'well' about it at all." The smile previously present on Mark's face, faded a little. "Are you ashamed? .. Are you ashamed of .. us?"

"N-no .. I don't know. I'm not comfortable with everybody knowing about .. this." Mark relaxed into the embrace. He was well aware that Sean needed plenty of time to get accustomed to the sudden change of pace. And he was willing to do whatever it takes. "That's okay. It's still new to you. It's new to me, to the both of us. It just needs some getting used to. But I'm sure it'll work out in the end." The Irishman bit his bottom lip, weighing the options down. He had grown so fond of Mark, yet the fact that Mark wasn't of the gender he was familiar with, startled him a little. "It's scary in a way. This is completely new territory for me, thus .. I don't feel at ease." The older male nodded calmly. "I understand. And I don't hold it against you. Look .. Maybe I should apologize to you for my actions this morning. I should've known to hold back, but I got so lost in the moment, that my brain turned into jelly." He kissed the green haired man's earlobe. "But .. it's a good thing that you were headstrong enough to push me way. -- Because I know that if you hadn't done that, and I would've continued, I would've never been able to forgive myself." He grabbed a hold of the desk chair and turned it around, so that he was facing the flustered Irishman. Smiling, he caressed the man's cheek with a gentle hand. "You're my little emerald. And .. I love you." Sean wiped away some stray tears, much to Mark's concern, as he leaned in closer to wipe away the remaining tears. "Hey.. what's that all about?"

"This is exactly what I meant when I said I wouldn't be good enough.." Sean said in between sniffs. "We're not even .. There's not even anything official going on between us, and I'm already fucking things up." Mark's dark eyes drew big, and he shook his head. "What? No, of course you're not fucking things up." He squatted down in front of the Irishman, and crossed his arms on Sean's legs. "Jackie.. It's normal for you to feel scared - I'm not here to pressure you. I'm a patient man, we will do this on your pace." Another baggy sleeve dried a set of newfound tears. "I'm sorry for being such a little bitch .. I don't want to act this way.." The older man sounded a laugh. "You're my little bitch then." He then smiled softly, locking his gaze with Sean's. "Don't worry about it too much. I'm not going anywhere, and we'll get there eventually. We just have to ease into it."

A pair of blue eyes shimmered ever so slightly. "It's just .. I don't mean this in a bad sort of way .. But, I'm not really attracted to .." He wiped his watery eyes once more. " ..You're a guy, .. and despite the fact that I tend to bullshit a lot on the topic of the sex appeal of men in my videos .. I've never before considered a man's body to be .. arousing. In the least." Mark's smile deepened. "Me neither, so you're not alone on that one. I'll let you in on a little secret .. When you decided to mess with my mind with that flirting yesterday, you never thought about the consequences, did ya?" A head ful of green hair shook vigorously. "And not that there's anything wrong with that, but .. the idea of having you so close to me, that aroused me. And it didn't have anything to do with me thinking about your body, .. it was just .. having you near." He watched as Sean's eyes widened in innocent wonder, so he continued. "When I went back to my room to.. , you know, take care of things, I wasn't thinking about your private parts or anything. I initially fell for your personality. You as a person. **_Who_** you are, not _**what**_ you are."

The red color returned to Sean's face. "But .. y-you we.. were thinking of m-me?" Mark nodded. "Well, yeah." Feeling shy as balls, the Irishman averted his gaze, which caused Mark to smile lovingly. " **You're beautiful, Jack**.  Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise."

* * *

 

That night.

The door was being opened quietly, yet the Irishman picked up the subtle, yet sudden sound. As he turned around, he saw it was Mark who had come inside. He scooted over a bit, giving Mark some space to lay down. Instinctively, he snuggled closer into Mark's chest, as he closed his eyes again. "Bob leaves tomorrow morning, just so you know." He heard Mark say in his usual bass-induced voice. Butter to his damn ears.. "I was thinking about apologizing to him .. I might have overreacted a bit." The Korean could feel the Irishman facial hair scrub against his chest, and bit back a giggle forming in his throat. “You could, but I’m sure Bob doesn’t expect an apology. It takes a whole lot more to get that guy on his high horse.” The tickling sensation disappeared when Sean sat upright and eyed him for a moment.

“Something wrong?” He asked, but Sean shook his head right off the bat. “No..” Blue eyes glided over Mark’s clothed chest again, and he furrowed his eyebrows in the process. “Would you mind .. to take off your shirt?” The sudden question came, and a grin appeared on Mark’s face. “Whoa-ho. I like where this is going.” He stated excitedly, as he himself sat upright as well. “Sure, if that’s what you want..” He said, as he pulled his black shirt over his head, and tossed it aside, for it to land somewhere on the floor. He was greeted by Sean’s inspecting gaze once more. “What .. are you doing exactly?” Sean kept his stare going. “Well .. I’m trying to find you sexy.” Mark grinned. “Oh, okay. Do you want me to take on a sexy pose?” The Irishman’s cheeks reddened. “N-no.. this will do.”

His eyes again, feasted on the sight of Mark’s bare, muscular chest. He got startled when Mark’s voice resounded. “And? Feelin’ something yet?” Sean bit his lip. “Uhm, yeah, well .. Everybody already knows that I’ve always liked your upper body.” He let out a nervous laugh. “I would kill for your arms.” He pointed at Mark’ chest, looking into Mark’s patient eyes. “May I ..?” The older male traced Sean’s line of sight, then nodded. “Yeah, of course. It’s yours now anyway.” Sean’s blush deepened and gained a more vibrant color. “S-shut up..” He mumbled. As Mark chuckled in the background, Sean groaned. “Close your eyes or something!” Mark simply shrugged and obliged. “If that’ll make you feel more at ease.” With careful motions, Sean caressed Mark’s torso, not really sure what the hell he was doing anyway. Once he found a soft patch of skin, he dug his fingernails into the skin and dragged his hand down the curves of Mark's abdomen.

Mark hissed softly, cracking one eye open and fixating it on Sean’s puzzled face. “Did you mean to do that?” The younger male nodded silently. “Yeah.. Did it hurt?” A smile crept upon Mark’s face as he shook his head. “No, not at all. I’ve already told you that I like it a little rough.” Sean blushed even harder, letting his head hang in utter embarrassment. “M-mark .. D-don.. Don’t say such things to me!” Mark couldn’t help but become captivated by this endearing sight, and caressed Sean’s upper leg soothingly. “Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” The Irishman looked like he could explode any given moment. “No! Just .. shut up!” Mark’s eyes lit up. “I just want to eat you up, that’s how adorable you are.” Feeling helpless as hell, Sean balled his fists. “I’m not a girl! Shut up, seriously!” His eyes grew big when the older man leaned down and pressed a small kiss on his upper leg, just inches away from his knee. “Honesty is key, Jackie.” That deep voice whispered. “No, it is not! Speed is!”

“Oh hoho! I’m spontaneously turning French after hearing that!” Mark laughed deviously.   
“You dirty fuck! I didn’t mean it in a fucked up way!”

Mark let his head fall back and hit the pillows. “Yeah, yeah. And if pigs had wings, they’d be able to fly.”

Sean’s frown intensified as frustration pent up inside of him. “You should be grateful that I take the time to explore your body, you Asian dickbrain!” Mark immediately lost himself in a fit of laughter. “What did you call me?”

“ .. _Dickbrain_.”

Mark’s laughter only increased in sound and intensity. “Oh good God have mercy on me ..”

“Eijit..” ( _ **idiot**_ )

When his laughter died down a little, he turned to look at Sean. “Irish is the best .. Honest to God.”  
“Stop making fun o’ me, you’re as sharp as a fockin’ beach ball!”

Mark frowned in utter confusion, lips slightly parted. “Huh? A Ball has a circular shape..”

Sean just crossed his arms. “ **My point exactly.** ”

* * *

 

Mark then re postured himself, propping himself up with his elbow. “But all bullshitting aside, please, continue.” A chuckle slipped past his lips. “Explore my body some more. It is more than ready!” The younger male narrowed his eyes, ready to punch a fucker in the teeth. “I’m this close …” He signed at at Mark, bringing his thumb and index finger together. “to punching a hole in your vagina!” Mark’s laughter returned, as he shook his head in utter amusement. “A vagina pretty much is a hole on its own..” But he decided to not go deeper into it, once he saw one of Sean’s eyelids twitch sporadically. “Ne, ne .. gyejib-ae..” ( _little bitch_ )

“ **I AM NOT!** ”

Sean eyed the comforter, watching the folds and creased in the fabric. This is not at all how he intended this night to turn out like, and he regretted ever bringing it up. Or even forming the thought in his head, in the first place. Mark would turn everything into some kind of big joke, and Sean was not at all pleased, in the slightest, in the least. Mark’s eyes found the growing frustration building up behind The Irishman’s ocean blue eyes and licked his lips, smiling at him apologetically.

“My dick is not some kind of sentient being, you know. It’s not because it’s in the same room, that it knows we’re talking about it.” Sean felt his head becoming more and more heavy, and all he wanted was to lie down and forget all about the world. “What the **ABSOLUTE** fuck, Mark? What does that have to do with anything?!” With that very smile still present on his lips, Mark pulled Sean into a tight hug. “See? It’s not fun when people mess with your head. Is it now?” Okay, okay, point taken.. The 25-year-old eyed the Korean for a second, before he bent over and clenched once of Mark’s nipples between his teeth. With a hiss, the Korean man retracted out of the sudden touch. “Hey, whoa! Don’t start shit you can’t finish, baby!” The Irishman just flashed his tongue like 7-year old.

* * *

 

09;32am.

Bob's time to leave had come.

"Thanks for coming, buddy. I appreciate it a lot." Mark said in a low-tone voice, and wrapped his arms around the taller blonde man. He returned the gesture with a smile. "Don't mention it, Mark. You know I'd come in a heartbeat whenever you feel like you need some company." When he looked past Mark's agreeing eyes, he found the slender frame of the Irishman, standing in the hallway dressed in one of Mark's baggy shirts, a pair of black boxer-shorts and a set of ugly-as-all-hell woollen Christmas-themed socks. "You take good care of this idiot, you hear me?" With a short nod of the head, he returned the incoming embrace. Turning around on the balls of his feet, Bob picked up his bags. "Off I go then." Mark and Sean watched the man as he walked towards his car. The blonde threw his luggage into the trunk with swift movements, and walked over to the driver's side. He smiled and waved one last time, before getting into the vehicle, starting it up and driving off. Mark sighed deeply as he closed the door. "I'm not good at goodbyes.."

Bob had only been around in Mark's time of need and desperation about the unclear situation he had created with Sean's help. He had felt so lonely and helpless, and knew he needed a person around to keep himself from slipping back into the depths of obscurity, that he had gotten quite familiar with after the passing of both his father and friend. As long as he had a living soul to look after and worry about, he would be able to silence his own demons breathing down his neck.

"Me neither.." Sean spoke softly as he walked past Mark, towards the kitchen. He took a can of soda out of the fridge, bringing it to his lips, as he stopped in his tracks by the sight on a plastic bag seated on the kitchen table. Curiosity bubbled inside of him, and he shifted his gaze to the doorway shortly. "Mark?" Almost burning holes through the plastic bag, he picked up Mark's voice in the background. "Yeah?" Sean tightened the grip he had on the soda can. "What's all of this?" He asked when Mark appeared in the doorway. A pair of dark eyes traced the sudden reason to the commotion and he smiled. "Oh, I already did the effort of picking up some groceries." Then something dawned on him, and he reached for the plastic bag. "What do you think?" A small box now rested on the table top, decorated by a picture of some person with a vibrant blue hair color. He raised another eyebrow, carefully sipping his beverage. "Blue hair dye?" His eyes shifted to Mark. "What for?" Mark's smile deepened. "Hmm, **hair** dye. I wonder what that's for.." Grunting, the Irishman rolled his eyes. "You what I mean. I know what hair dye is for. What I meant was, _why_ would you dye your hair blue? The pink was just fine."

Mark's eyes lit up. "Charity. Doctors without Borders. You think it'd suit me?" Mark brought his hands together, bouncing up and down, much like a child would as it was waiting for his Christmas gift. The sight of it was amusing to say the least. So Sean simply shrugged. "I'd have to see it first, before I can form an opinion on it." Mark continued to bounce up and down, and his faded pink locks danced on the rhythmic movements. "I was planning on dying them just now. I'm so excited!" -- The Irishman watched the enthusiastic Korean silently, not sure what to think of it, really. One thing was sure, he would definitely miss the pink.. He loved the pink.. He had just recently been allowed to touch the pink, and now .. he would have to beg to touch the blue? _Goddammit all.._

"But why blue..?" Mark turned to him. "Well, you beat me to the green."   
He had a point there, and he cursed himself for doing it. Mark would've looked great with neon green hair. Heck, the guy pulled it off to be masculine, even with a pink puff of hair on his head. And Sean didn't know that many people that would be able to do the very same thing..

"So you're just going through all of the primary colors? What's next? ..Red?"  
Mark smiled. " _May ..be_."

The Irishman shook his head dismissively. "Speaking of greens and reds.. When are you finally going to take down the Christmas tree and those butt-ugly decorations?" Upon hearing that, Mark's eyes widened. "Why would I take it down already? I like having it around.." Sean's face fell. "It's January- _fuckin_ '-5th. The holidays are officially over, Mark." The Korean man pouted, and breathed out a sigh of defeat. "Fine. If you want me to take it all down, I will."

Satisfied, the Irishman nodded gratefully. "Thank you." When Mark eyed the little package he held in his hands, a grin had formed on his lips. "You know why I initially thought of the color blue?" He saw the 25-year-old shake his head as he took another sip of his soda. "Enlighten me."

"Just look at your mascot." Mark said playfully, and turned around.   
"Oh, would you mind taking out the groceries and putting them away, while I go dye my hair? Thanks a bunch."

As he watched Mark walk out of the kitchen, he furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Sam ..?"

* * *

 

Boredom was gnawing on the Irishman’s insides. Mark was setting up the game console, adjusting the wires going all the way towards the television set. “Mark ..” The younger male said, eyes fixated on the outside world and the white crystals falling down to earth. “I want to play outside .. In the snow.” Mark furrowed his brows, dropping the controllers on the small coffee table. “How old are you? .. 12?” He pushed the Korean man against the shoulder. “Shut up, ya piss stain!” He jumped off the couch, and ran towards the coat hangers. Mark’s eyes grew big. “You’re serious..” As he put on his jacket, scarf and beanie, he nodded at Mark. “C'mon, ye tool thicko!” He stomped with both feet impatiently, grabbing a hold of the doorknob. Sighing deeply, Mark got up. “Okay, okay ..” Sean nodded happily when he saw Mark approach him. Right in front of him, Mark stopped. “If .. you wrap yourself up in a nice bow and all, tonight.” Blue eyes found an innocent twinkle. “What..?”

“I just want a little taste. Just a little..” The 25-year-old just looked at him, burying his face in his woollen scarf as he felt his cheeks heat up. “S-shut up..” Mark never spoke a word, instead he shoved the smaller male against the wall. “I won’t do anything bad .. Just a little lick.” Sean never knew how to react to Mark’s flirtatious behaviours, it got him all messed up in the head. Shaking, he placed his hands on Mark’s chest, in an attempt to create a little distance between them. “M-mark..”

The older man lashed his lips onto the porcelain skin in the Irishman’s neck. “You’ll feel real good, I promise.” Sean bit his lip whilst butterflies teared up his insides. “S-sto – Mark … D-do-n’t..” Yet his wishes were never heard. The man only sucked harder, almost feeling the blood rush to the bruised skin, under his lips. “You taste real good, Jackie..”

Overwhelmed, he shoved Mark away from him. “Get dressed, ye fock ..” And tried to hide the growing blush on his face, by covering his face with an arm. Mark shrugged, satisfied with the reaction he’d brought upon his friend. “Alrighty.” He said casually, as he geared up in his winter clothing. “You got some gloves?” In the corner of his eye, he saw the green haired male shake his head, eyes fixated on the floor. “No. I don’t need mittens..” That sounded foreign to the Korean’s ears, thus he made a face of disagreement. “If you want to play in the snow, you’ll need proper protection.” Sean’s face got bright red upon hearing that and he turned his back towards the older man. “Shut up, goddamn it!” He heard Mark chuckle in the background. “I mean for your hands. Or else you’ll get cold hands, baby.”

Sean didn’t want to hear any more of Mark’s bullshit, and opened the door.

“C’mon. Let’s go already.”

Mark laughed as he followed Sean outside. “Okay, I’m right behind you.”

* * *

 

  
“Incoming!” A voice resounded, followed by a snowball in the face for Mark. He fell to one knee due to the impact, and wiped his face. “Hey now!” He exclaimed, wiping the cold substance from his shoulders and out of his wavy hair. A laughing voice remained present a bit further up ahead. “Don’t get ye _scunders_ twisted, Markimoo!” Mark noticed a figure running past him, and as he looked up, he saw Sean forming a second ball of snow. He climbed onto his feet and ran towards a nearby tree. “Oh hell no!” Sean’ laughed again. “Real clever, shit brains! Invisibility skills, my arse!” Another amount of snow crashed into a million tiny crystals in Mark’s face. Sean bent over in sheer laughter. “Haha! Your face upon impact was savage!” Clearing his face from the wet substance, he threw one of his own at the Irishman. A muffled ‘ **Umphf** ’ resounded, and when he left his hiding spot, he saw the younger male on his knees, wiping his face. “ _Okae_ , that one was on de ball.”

Mark laughed, squatted down in front of the Irishman, and wiped the remainders of snow off of his face. The man only looked up at him with a smile on his lips. “You okay, honey pop?” Mark asked, which received him a nod of the head from the Irishman, as he gathered a bunch of snow behind his back. “I’m a _Neddy_ , but I’m _kae_..” It was clear that the Irish vocabulary was still somewhat foreign to Mark’s American ears. Sean simply smiled. “A fool. Pretty much what you are!” And he crashed another pile of snow into Mark’s face, before he ran away. “You cheap bastard!” Mark yelled, as he jumped up and chased Sean through the front yard.

As he kept looking over his shoulder whilst running, he didn’t notice the clutter in the snow, and smacked his face into a pile of snow. “Ah! _Jaysus_ , dirtball snow it is!”

“Oh shit ..” Mark breathed and ran towards Sean, grabbing a hold of his outstretched hand and helping him up.  
“You crashed down pretty hard .. You okay?” The Irishman patted his knees, removing the snow on his jeans. “I’m fine, I’m fine. It hurt, though..” Mark had the perfect cure for little boo-boo’s. He leaned forward, placed a hand on Sean’s cheek, and pressed his lips onto his. And to his surprise, the younger male closed his eyes and gave into the kiss, and even pulled the Korean man closer. When Mark broke the kiss, he caressed Sean’s cheek with his thumb. ‘Feeling a bit better now?”

Sean nodded as he smiled. “Kinda..” With a smile on his lips that matched Sean’s, he released himself from the embrace. “Good .. Do you, perhaps, wanna build – “  " – **A snooooooowmaaan ~ !** ” The Irishman interrupted, as he started singing. Watching the enthusiastic soul spread his arms and twirling around as he sang, Mark reached out both arms for him. “Easy there. You’ll fall again if you keep doing that, you clumsy bunny.”

Then Sean suddenly froze. “Right at that window.” He said, and pointed at the living room window. “I want to build it at this exact spot. That way, we can look at it from the inside.” – Mark simply nodded. “Okay, if that’s how you want it.” Clapping his hands excitedly, Sean eyed a pile of snow a little further up ahead. “I’ll make the arse, you make its tits.” He pointed at the very heap of snow. “Get rollin’, _a ghrà._ ” ( **my love** ) When he saw Mark blink unknowingly, he smiled gingerly. “You’ll know what it means once you start hearing it more.”

* * *

 

“It’s perfect!” Sean shouted happily, clapping his hand like a little child. Yet Mark eyed their creation with a skeptical eye. “It needs clothing..”

Sean raised an eyebrow. “It’s a snowman. It’s made out of snow .. It’s always cold.”  
Mark nodded agreeing. “You’ve got a point there..”

Sean turned to look at Mark. “We did good, yeah?” And the Korean man nodded. “Our first love child.. It’s .. decent.”  
With a frown forming on his face, he pushed the American aside. “Ye arse..”

“How about we put on a great show for it?”  
“Huh? What d’ya mea-“

He was cut off mid-sentence by a pair of lips pressed onto his own.

* * *

 

“Hot coco for my sweet heart.” Mark said in a singing voice, and handed Sean his mug. “Careful, it’s really hot.”

Sean nuzzled deeper into the blue fleece blanket Mark had thrown over the couch. It was butt-ugly, with its bright blue color and cloud patterns. It almost looked like one of those blankets, mothers would wrap their toddlers in after they’d came out of the shower. But it was warm and cozy, so he was able to look past that. Mark didn’t lie when the told him that the mug was hot, and cussin’ between his teeth, he placed the mug on the little coffee table. The snowman stood proudly in front of the window, collecting more snow as it never ceased to fall from the heavens. He’d even be bigger tomorrow morning, Sean thought. And to think that Mark wanted to dress it. A waste of fine winter clothing, that’s what it would’ve been. Mark moved around the house, dimming the lights and lighting up a few candles here and there. The guy was definitely setting a mood here, and Sean already knew what that meant. Mark’s previous words, flashed through his mind.

_“If .. you wrap yourself up in a nice bow and all, tonight.”_   
_“I just want a little taste. Just a little..”_   
_“I won’t do anything bad .. Just a little lick.”_   
_“You’ll feel real good, I promise.”_   
_“You taste real good, Jackie..”_

Sean quickly shook his head. I knew it all too well that Mark was getting inpatient, and there was nothing really holding Sean back from giving in to Mark’s needs. That is .. if you don’t count the insecurities the Irishman struggled with. And he still wasn’t that sure about doing anything sexual with Mark .. A cock and a pussy are two completely different animals, aren’t they? He had to admit that Mark was a great kisser, the guy knew what he was doing in that regard. Mark tasted like mixture of cinnamon, coffee and chewing gum. Some kind of minty aftertaste .. And his kisses were filled with passion, and another emotion Sean couldn’t quite put his finger on. They were .. sincere. Of that much, he was sure. Still, that damn rooster bugged him in a way, and he felt terrible for letting it come between himself and Mark. Mark had been nothing but kind to him. Kind, loving, caring, considerate and patient. So damn patient .. And so damn kind ..

He remembered one of the earliest conversations he had had with Mark. A conversation concerning their previous relationships, and the effects loneliness had had on them both. How it had been eating away at them, merciless and cold hearted..  
  
_"I've been in a serious relationship a couple of years ago, but it didn't really work out, I guess. Ever since, I've become a lot more careful with those kind of things."_  
 _"I'm sorry to hear that.. That's a reasonable reaction. I mean, being more withdrawn.."_  
 _"I guess.. So, I guess that means there's not yet anyone new in your life, huh?"_  
 _"Not really. I'm way too busy with YouTube and all .. I actually.. get lonely at times, to be honest."_  
 _"I feel ya.. There's only so much of a void, video games can fill. But having the undying support of my fans helps me through."_

He regret ever saying that to Mark.. It had been so insensitive. Mark was desperate for social contact and the company of someone that shared his genuine feelings of aching. How could he have not seen the signs right then and there? _There were only so many voids video games could fill .._

Mark got so consumed with his career, threw himself onto his projects, drowning himself under a pile of work, if only it were to help him keep his mind off of his pent up emotions. He had always done that, and it bothered Sean that no-one had ever noticed it before. And even if so, he could not comprehend why no-one reached out for Mark.. Or was Mark that kind of person that denied any kind of help, because he would feel like a burden? That kind of person that would rather figure things out on his own, even if they are painfully aware that they would never be able to keep themselves from drowning? Mark would sink eventually, it was just a matter of time ..

He thought back to that very same evening. Sean had found Mark’s stash of alcoholic drinks. And when he gave it a second thought, Mark had told him a lot about his silent suffering throughout these short moments. If Sean would’ve paid a little more attention to what underlined Mark’s words, he would’ve never led him on like that..

_"Ya got some angel piss layin' around 'ere?"_   
_"Fridge."_   
_"Beer .. Rum .. Vodka.." - "Absinthe..?! Whoa!"_   
_"Certain situations require a total wipe-out.."_

_Certain situations require a total wipe-out_ .. How thick skulled could he have possibly been? The guy was practically begging for help ..

And then there was that one conversation .. that one that rang so many bells with him now, as if .. Mark had the ability to look in to the damn future..

_"What type of girl would you go for?"_   
_"Eh.. Good one. I don't really .. have a type, sort'a say." -- "If I like ya .. I like ya. That's my idea pretty much."_   
_"What if you fell in love with the personality, **but not with the exterior?** "_   
_"That.. has never happened before, so far. I mean .." -- "I guess .. if we click on most levels, we'd find a way to make it work."_   
_"What if a dude declared his undying love for you?"_   
_"That's a thinker, right there." -- "I don't really have an answer. I would hear him out, of course. Nobody likes to be rejected or ignored for no apparent reason. But .. I don't think I'd go any deeper into it."_

Sean wanted to kick himself in the Goddamned teeth. Mark had had these feelings from the very start, .. and indirectly, he tried digging for any kind of mutual feelings. And what did Sean do .. he acted like a total air head. Mark put his heart and soul on a silver platter multiple times, yet Sean was too dense to see it for what it really was. A silent confession .. And Sean had rejected the motion merciless.

But there was more to that conversation, was there not? He believed there was ..

_"It's a pity though." -- "Who knows what you might be missing out on, by doing so."_   
_"With a guy, you mean?"_   
_"In general. Male, female, transgender.. Every spice on the shelf." -- "I wouldn't see a reason why not to. You only life once, so you should go all out."_   
_"Never saw it in ya. I thought you were more down to earth, you kno'?" -- "Wife, children, career ~ happy family guy.."_   
_"Oh, but I am, don't get me wrong. But there is no light without darkness. **You just have to find the right balance.** "_

_The right balance_ .. Then there was that trip tot hat coffee shop .. Mark went out of his way to lead Sean to a shop that was called Jack’s Coffee  & Sweets. They had been discussing Sean’s effortless approach to sex, or his lack there-off completely ..

_"How can you get lazy at sex, out of all things..?"_   
_"Beats me. I'm just like .. get it over with so we can move on."_   
_"You haven't been living. You are 25-years of age.."_   
_"In my defence; I'm fairly timid when it comes to these things. I'm not a smooth operator by a long shot!"_   
_"Neither am I. I usually bust some crappy jokes, which coincidentally work like a charm for me."_   
_"You learn by doing. Practice makes perfect, I s'pose." -- "Besides, you are a good looking fella. I'm sure you'd have them lining up for you, in no time."_

Then Aileen suddenly appeared, ready to crash the party. Mark had made the first move, willing to kiss Sean .. yet he held back. The universe set up the perfect moment for a possible second kiss, but no .. Mark’s cookies were more important ..

Their first kiss.. just mere days before Christmas eve .. Sean had been acting like a jealous teenager when he heard about Mark’s shopping spree with his ex.. He was so mad, hurt, but most of all jealous .. and the behavior Mark had to put up with, was nothing even close to what the man deserved. Especially not after he went shopping .. for Sean. Even if it was in the company of his ex girlfriend .. Sean was on his mind at all times..  
And upon realizing this, and making his way over to apologize, he was silenced with a kiss.. A kiss that changed everything between them, from that moment on ..

He remembered how he told his mother that he had a feeling Mark only clung on to him because of his fear of losing people again..  
And the conversation they had, when they were miles away on Christmas day.

  _"Sean, let me finish." -- "I'm sorry for not being honest with you. Remember .. when I told you that I get lonely sometimes?"_

He had nodded.

_"I don't get lonely sometimes, I'm lonely all the damn time. Ever since I have lost my dad, my image of the world around me changed dramatically."_   
_\-- "Don't bother. I know that you're sorry, everybody is sorry .. I have heard it for months on end, and even though I know that all they intend to do is sooth the aching that has been consuming me.. I've heard those words one time too many, that I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.. I thought Jessica loved me, it turned out that I was dead wrong. I never once thought that I had to walk behind my father's coffin, as they carried him inside the church. I ... wanted to complement his life with a family of my own one day, little me's that would visit him, and call out to him with : hal-abeoji. " -- "There was so much more that I wanted to share with my father, and it has all been taken away from us. And despite the fact that it was a cruel act of God, I have found peace within his departure eventually. My mother elucidates how proud my father and herself have always been of me.. I like to treasure the knowledge that my father was proud to call me his son.."_

_"I .. don't know what to say. I am so sorry .. I really wish I could comfort you, but .."_

_"It's okay, Sean. I don't need the compassion, or pity even, from outsiders. It won't lessen the pain, and it sure as hell won't help me with my mourning. I need to do this on my own, but before you start rambling ... I do accept the the helping hands that are reached out to me... Yours in particular. I .. Kind of need your hand."_

\-- Sean couldn’t take any more of this. He had been so cruel to Mark .. And the guy deserved better.. He deserved so much more. He deserved it to be and feel loved ..

He turned to Mark, pushed hem against the back support of the couch and pressed a kiss onto his lips. As the man eyed him in surprise, Sean smiled softly.

“I just .. wanted to let you know, that you are loved. That .. that’s all.”


	8. Chapter 8

Sean dropped himself onto Mark, snuggling into his chest. He sniffed the scents of aftershave, and relished in the man’s body heat.

“Mark .. were you serious when you said you wanted to .. you know, _go down on me?_ ”

He looked up and found Mark’s eyes widen. It looked a little like a deer caught in headlights, or like a child caught in the middle of stealing a cookie out of the cookie jar, while its mother clearly told him he could only have one. It forced a smile onto Sean’s lips.

“I .. wouldn’t mind. Anything to make you feel good.”

The Irishman didn’t see any reason why not to let Mark do whatever he had in mind. In fact, it had been a good 3 solid years since he had received a decent blow-job. Rosa Lee always came up with the most ridiculous excuses to not have to go anywhere near his dick with her lips. And Abigail .. well, it was safe to say that she had no idea what she was doing. She was so horrifically unskilled on the matter, that Sean just gave up on asking her. Well .. he did fuck around a little in the past year, and he had been given great blow-jobs at the time, but he would usually be too intoxicated to even remember most of what he would’ve possibly done with those girls. Not that he cared, he’d much rather love to forget all about it anyway.

“Are you any good?” He asked, unable to look away from Mark’s lingering gaze. The man simply shrugged.  
“I have no idea. It’s a first for me.” He said it as if it was the most common thing to discuss.

Well, technically it was. Once you hit that 18 mark, the topic of Sex, pretty much becomes one of the most discussed ones. It was everywhere, and could be found within just about anything. A simple sentence, cartoons, even pictures and objects. Not even fruit was safe anymore. Everything became so sexualized, it would have been considered unnatural, unhealthy even to not talk about sex in one way or another. Then again .. there were a couple of exceptions in the mix. Those people who consider themselves to be asexual, or pan-sexual, or those weirdo objectophiles .. Like, seriously? What the hell was wrong with those people ..? But then again, finding pleasure in watching feet, or dressing up like anthropomorphic animals was just as fucked up in that regard. Man, humanity is a fucked up race ..

“It’s not that hard, really. It’s kinda like ..sucking a Popsicle.”   
Mark blinked a few times, finding that description anything but helpful. “Have you done it before then?”  
Sean’s eyes widened and he immediately shook his head dismissively. “I have not. I’m as straight as a pencil.”

This left Mark chuckling, which sent vibrations through his chest. Sean bit his lip, trying to word his past experiences as clearly as possible, but then decided against it. “Have you never been blown before? Surely you have watched a girl go down on you..”  
“I have.” Mark said calmly. “But I had my eyes closed through most of it. Kinda like any man would when getting a good delivery.”

Sean furrowed his eyebrows, and pushed himself up. “I know you watch porn. Just .. try do imitate what those women do in those videos.” Yet Mark’s face remained stern. “I have never watched porn in my life.”

The Irishman felt his heart beat speed up. That must have been a flat-out lie. Everybody watches porn. Heck, even his 12 year old niece has watched porn. The little bitch was 12! And to think that sexuality is kept silent in Northern Ireland, causing major depression amongst Irish youth. How could Mark never have seen porn before? Has he not played HuniePop a while ago? That’s a genre of porn. Sure, the game wasn’t as graphical as most actual porn videos, but it still held some nudity. Even if it was animated ..

“Don’t bullshit me, ye lyin’ sack of shite.” Sean said, grabbing a hold on Mark’s wavy blue hair and tugging it gently.   
“I’m not. I swear to God, I have never watched an actual pornographic movie in my life.” Mark replied.

And here Sean was, thinking Mark was one of the smoothest operators out there. How this guy had managed to stay single for all these years, would remain a mystery to most. Heck, Mark was a good looking fella. His voice alone would cause the melting of thousands of ovaries on a daily basis. How was this even possible? Mark and porn should’ve gone hand in hand. Mark pretty much _**is**_ porn ..

“No way, man! You’re just pissin’ out on me, aren’t ya?”

The Korean man placed his hand on Sean’s, gingerly moving it away from his hair. “I am not. I’d love to put your dick between my lips. I’m just saying that I have no idea how to do it properly. That way you have been warned.”

“Mark, really now.. Well, they say practice makes perfect.” Sean sighed, and curled his fingers around Mark’s hand.

“Exactly. So .. I’ll do my best.”

* * *

 

Mark kissed Sean’s forehead as he lay there, chest heaving heavily, breaths irregular. He pulled the covers over him a little, and ran a number of digits through his short green locks. Mark licked his lips, and grinned. He could still taste the Irishman on his lips. Said man’s eyes shot open, and traced back at the Korean man. He smiled softly as he wiped some beads of sweat from his forehead.

“Not bad, Fischbach.” He said, chuckling softly once his breathing had returned to its regular rhythm.

“Not bad, yourself.” Mark replied, pressing the palm of his hand against Sean’s crotch, earning him a smothered moan from the younger man. “Sensitive..”

Mark purred, pinching the head between his thumb and index finger. It sent small aftershocks through Sean’s limbs, and he let his head fall back into the pillows. “You fuckin’ tease..” He breathed as his eyes fell shut.

“I’ll be nice.” Mark voiced, and dropped down next to the green haired man. “You make some adorable sounds, Jackie.”

Sean’s eyes shot open, and his eyebrows dropped down. " **I do not**. S-shut up, Mark.”

Mark kissed the bruised spot in Sean’s neck, tracing its edges with the tip of his tongue. “It doesn’t surprise me, though.”

He went a little lower, trapping another patch of skin between his lips. Sean’s relishing whimpers were like music to his ears. “You have been and always will be adorable.” Mark hummed against the newly formed bruise on Sean’s milky white skin. He ran a thumb over both hickeys, and nodded in satisfaction. “Now all you have to do is find an excuse.”

Sean’s eyebrows arched up, and as he ran a hand across the bruises in his neck, he watched Mark in confusion.

“Excuse for what?” He watched Mark lay down on his back, arms bent behind his head. “Those.” He smiled softly, almost amused with the effects he had on the 25-year-old. “I know that you’re not yet comfortable with sharing the news with the outside world. And you don’t have to, if it were up to me. But your viewers will start asking questions if you show up in your videos, with a neck covered in bruises and bite marks.”

Sean’s blue eyes widened and he froze at the spot. Mark had a point there. As nervousness took over, he started scratching his arms sporadically. How _would_ he explain those? He mumbled a number of swears, throwing nasty looks at the smug Korean, every now and then. He had it so easy, didn’t he? He just laid there, skin untouched .. but at least he’d have the taste of Sean’s dick in his mouth for a couple of hours. That was _something_ ..

“I’ll figure something out. I can always fabricate some poor excuse. Maybe .. I’ll tell them I have a girlfriend.”

Mark grinned. “Oh, yes. That sounds believable. Blame it on a non-existing girl. You’re the real MVP, Jack.”  
Sean gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “Shut up, ye idiot. Do you have a better idea then?”  
Mark opened his eyes and shifted his gaze towards the younger male. “You could just be honest, you know.”

He closed his eyes again, breathing out a puff of air. “You could hickey me up, and tell everyone the truth.”  
“I’ll fucking rip out your fucking artery. Make a selfie of that shite. I bet your fans would love it.”

Sean spat, drumming on Mark’s chest with his fists. Laughing, Mark grabbed Sean’s frail wrists, locking him in place. “My fans would indeed love to see you bite me. They’d encourage you to bite me all over. And you know what ..?” He locked his gaze with Sean’s, a grin present on his lips. “They’d **beg** on their knees to see you clench your jaws around my dick.”

Sean’s muscles tensed up, and his blue eyes shimmered. “You’re sick ..” He mumbled, cheeks reddening ever so slightly. Yet Mark never intended on releasing the grip he had on the man’s wrists. Instead he pulled him in closer. “Would you mind giving it a nibble? Perhaps you’ll like this exotic Asian dish more than you would’ve thought.”

A moment of silence had passed, and a passing ball of tumble weed would’ve fit in perfectly. Sean narrowed his eyes. “Are you asking me to ..” Mark nodded, his eyes filled with determination. “We have a saying in Korea. If one were to do a good deed once a day, they should find content within the idea that they have helped their fellow man. One should not expect anything in return.” Mark’s hands circled Sean’s lower back, and it caused the man to shudder under the gentle touches. “I did my good deed for the day. So .. where is yours?” Sean gasped when Mark’s hand traced along his backside. “You .. j-just said that you didn’t expect anything in return.” Mark grin deepened and he kissed the tip of Sean’s nose. “I did. But I’m still awaiting your good deed.”

“You .. want me to..”

“I wouldn’t mind. It only seems fair to return the favor.”

“Are you hard?”

“Kinda. Have a feel.”

“ **Fuck off** , ye bastard!”

Mark laughed heartily, hugging the Irishman tighter. “It’s okay, sweet stuff. You don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable doing it.”

“I will .. just.. n-not .. n-now.”

Mark locked his lips with Sean’s shortly, and smiled sweetly once he pulled back.   
“That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. As long as I’m able to have you near, I’m willing to wait.”

Sean nodded, blushing like crazy. “Good things come .. to those who wait. _Right_?”

* * *

 

“What? You have girlfriend?”

“No, mom. I don’t have a girlfriend. Don’t you think that if I did, I would’ve told you?”

“I’ve seen pictures of you and Chica. Girls love dogs, yes?”

Mark grinned. His mom had called in at 8 in the morning. And despite the fact that she had originally called to chitchat a little, she had now engaged in interrogate mode. Mark didn’t quite understand her motives, he had spent Christmas with her and his stepdad mere days ago. But mothers will be mothers, right?

“I think girls like dogs, yeah. Most people like dogs, mom.”

“Why don’t you have girlfriend, Mark? You 26 years old. I don’t want to wait for grandchildren any longer.”

Yeah, about _that_.. Mark was quite sure his relationship with Sean wouldn’t produce any offspring. He hadn’t even told his mother about Sean yet, not that he wanted to in the first place. How would he even start that conversation?  
' _Mom, I think I’m gay for this one guy.._ ’ -  No, his mother would disown him within a heartbeat.

“I know, mom. I wish it were that simple, but it’s really not.”

“You need to go outside more. Stop playing silly games on your computer.”

“I make a living by playing those silly games on my computer, you know?”

“Why you not an engineer? You should’ve finished college and find a job, like everybody else. Your brother has a job.”

“I’m **not** Thomas, mom. I’m Mark.”

“You don’t like girls? Your father and I always had a hunch that ..”  
“Mom..”

“Maybe you like boys. Nowadays that’s normal, yes?”

Mark dug his fingernails into his palms. Sure, his mother was tied to her old traditions, but she was open minded. Well, she had been more open minded since she had been living in America. And Thomas got her accustomed to the traditional American ways.. But Mark had no clue about his mother’s view on same-sex relationships. It had never been discussed in their household before.

“I’ve seen crazy boy with green hair a lot. You like him?”

His mother had seen pictures of himself and Sean? How? Where? .. _ **Thomas**_.   
Mark frowned. “You mean Sean?”

“No, no. His name is Jack. Like fat movie star man.”

Did she mean Jack Black? Mark chuckled.  
“Jack is his nickname, mom. His given name is Sean.”

“Oooh.. Yes! So, you like _John?_ ”

“Sean, mom. **Sean**. It’s an Irish name.”

“That’s what I said. _John._.”

“No, you said .. you know what? **Never mind**. Sean is the Irish equivalent of John. So, it doesn’t matter.”

Mark heard his mother voice a laugh, and it warmed is heart.  
“Yeah. He’s crazy with his green hair. But he nice boy, I can tell.”

“You can? And if he is crazy for having green hair, you must think I’m a lunatic for dying my hair blue.”

The woman laughed again.   
“Yeah, you crazy, Mark. But mommy loves you no matter what. I like the blue. It’s prettier than the pink.”

“Well then .. Thanks, I guess..”

“You didn’t answer my question. You like John? You boyfriend?”

“What? N-no ..”

“Yes! See, I told you. You were right..”

Mark raised an eyebrow as he heard his mother speak to another person in the background.   
“Is Thomas with you?”

“Yeah, he came to visit me and Daniel. He brought his girlfriend. So I wondered why you haven’t brought a girl home.”

“Mom .. I can’t bring a girl if I **don’t have one**..”

“That’s right, honey. Bring _John_! I’d love to meet him. He looks like a nice boy.”

“You want me to visit with Sean? I don’t know .. Sean is a bit .. bold. I don’t think you’d like that very much.”

“What? What do you mean? _Bold?_ ..”

Mark heard his mother talk to someone in the background again.  
“Did you just **really** ask Thomas what bold means?”

“Yes, I don’t understand, Mark. Your brother says it means John is rude. Is he rude? Why would he be rude?”

“He’s not .. I didn’t mean bold as in ‘rude’, mom. Sean is just .. very much .. in your face. And he swears a lot. I figured it wouldn't sit right with you.”

“Oh ..”  
His mother went silent for a moment, and Mark hoped he had succeeded in talking her out of it. But he rubbed his temples when her voice resounded again. “Why he swear a lot?”

“He’s Irish mom. It’s in their nature.”

His mother giggled, and he could hear his brother’s laughter in the background. Mark frowned again.

“He’s Irish boy? So he’s a _leprechaun_?”   
Mark chuckled. That must have been his brother's doing. “Mom! Now **that** is rude!”

The woman continued giggling. “Is joke, is joke. Ooh, that’s why his hair is green?”

“Yes, I guess so, mom.”

“He also play games as job?”

“Yeah, he’s a YouTuber too.”

“You boys are meant for each other. Why you no come visit this weekend? Bring John with you. I’d love to meet your boyfriend.”

His brother’s laughter resounded in the background, as Mark grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked it. “He’s not.. Mom! **THOMAS**!”

“Okay, so I see you this weekend? Okay. I love you, baby.”

“Mom .. No .. Wait..”

But his mother had already hung up, and thus ended the conversation abruptly.

* * *

 

“So your mother wants you to visit this weekend?”

Sean turned away from his computer monitor, and shifted his gaze toward Mark. The man scratched the back of his neck and made an apologetic face when he did. He knew it wouldn’t be such a good idea to take Sean with him on one of his trips to Cincinnati. His mother would interrogate him hardcore, and his stepdad would keep an eye on Sean like he was a criminal on the loose. And not to mention the presence of his older brother Thomas, and his girlfriend and fiance to be, Amber Lynn. If his mother and brother already made fun of Sean’s nationality, he could only imagine what they would pull once they heard his accent. And he shuddered at the thought of it alone.

“Yeah.. I assume my brother showed her some pictures of myself and you on Instagram and Twitter. And now she’s convinced that we’re a couple. I’ve tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t let go.”

Sean nodded silently, and turned his chair around, so he was facing Mark. He was glad he had already informed his own mother on the matter, luckily she hadn’t been that uptight about it. She understood that her son needed some time to process this on his own, and he hadn’t pressured him into meeting Mark. And now that he gave it some thought, he realized that he knew very little about Mark’s family and siblings. Yeah, he knew he had an older brother named Thomas. Information he had gathered from a couple of Mark’s videos.. And he knew Mark’s mother was Korean. But aside from that, he was pretty much left clueless. But it couldn’t be that bad now, could it?

“Have you told her about .. us?”

Mark shook his head, as he tucked a blanket underneath the couch cushions. He was scared shitless to tell his mother about his relationship with Sean. He feared his stepdad and brother’s reaction the most. He had always looked up to his brother, and he had always admired him for the free spirit that he was and aspired to be. He had been such a positive influence on Mark, and Mark was grateful to have Thomas in his life. But like he previously mentioned, the topic of same-sex relationships had never been discussed in their household, so he had no idea what to expect from it, once it was mentioned. Maybe his mother would be okay with it, maybe she was a free spirit herself .. But Daniel and Thomas were two completely different personalities.  
  
“I hoped I never had to, to be honest. It’s not easy to have two separate families, you know. After my father passed away, my mother thought I would get a little closer with Daniel, but .. I   
don’t know.”

Mark bit his lip, staring off in the distance.

“I like Daniel as a person, and I don’t mind having him around. But .. I never saw him as a part of the family, you know. _No_.. that sounds very disrespectful. Let me rephrase that : He is part of the family, but he’s not .. my father. At least, not to me. I don’t know how Thomas sees all of this.. I have a stronger bond with my stepmom, now she is a darling. She’s one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met in my life.”

He looked at Sean, with his eyes almost begging for redemption. Maybe begging for help ..  
“What I’m trying to say is.. I have two families to inform that I .. am seeing a man. And, I have two separate families that will have completely different and perhaps opposite opinions on that. So .. It’s kinda .. scary, in a way.”

Sean knew exactly what Mark tried to say. His parents separated when he was a mere toddler, at the age of 2 – 3 tops. And he had lived with his mother through most of his childhood. He would see his father every now and then, and mostly he’d visit on birthdays. But he’d only stay for a few hours, and would take off again. Yet Sean never held any grudges towards his father, he still loved the man dearly, and would always look up to him. His father was just .. a stereotypical grumpy Irishman. And even though he had a hard time dealing with the fact that his father remarried eventually, he accepted it without holding it against the man. He understood that his father deserved to be happy as well, despite the fact that his mother stayed alone. But he assumed it was her own choice to do so. But he never feared his father’ reaction.. Heck, when Sean told him he had bought a set of drums, his father cheered him on. His father loved his weird and silly antics, and loved to see what kind of weird stunts his sons would pull next. No, the man wouldn’t give a fuck about what gender his children were attracted to, dating- or fucking with. All that mattered to him, is that they were happy with their life’s choices.

“I understand, Mark. If you don’t want me to come, I won’t. It’s okay, really.”

Mark froze, eyes closed and jaws clenched. “No.. that’s not what I meant. “

He turned around, eyes on Sean. “I want you to come. I really do.. I need your support.. kinda.”  
Seeing the insecurity reflect in Mark’s almond eyes, Sean smiled reassuringly. “Okay. You can count on me.”

* * *

 

“ _Where have you been with new year’s?”_

_Mark sat down on his mother’s couch, and rubbed his temples as he breathed out a sigh._   
_“I have been with Sean, mom. We celebrated the beginning of the new year together.”_

_Mark’s mother raised an eyebrow, only to shake her head shortly after. When Daniel turned his head towards her, the woman pointed at her son’s luggage with a painted nail. Grunting, the man got up, to shuffle down the hallway._

_“But the celebration of the new year is a family tradition, Mark. Unless John is planning on becoming part of the family, I don’t see why you chose him over us.”_

_Sean shifted a little in his seat, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Mark. His eyebrows dropped into a V, along with the corners of his mouth. This was highly unnecessary, let alone extremely disrespectful. And all of this coming from his very own mother .._   
_“Mom, I’m not even going to grace that statement with an answer. I think I will go to my room to unpack my stuff.”_

_As he climbed onto his feet, he patted the top of Sean’s head, giving him a nod when the younger man looked up._   
_Mark’s mother clenched her jaw. “Mark Edward Fischbach, don’t you dare to walk away from me. We were having a conversation!”_

_The 26-year-old pulled the Irishman on his feet. Before he headed for the hallway, he turned to his mother one last time._  
 _“I expected more from you, mom. You should at least have had the decency to discuss such matters with me personally. It’s impertinent to involve Sean in Daniel’s illiberal mindset.”_

* * *

 

Daniel eyed the green haired man carefully. Mark and Sean had arrived in Cincinnati a couple of hours ago, and both men were more than happy to have finally arrived at their final destination. Daniel Radman, Mark’s stepdad, had greeted them at the front door, and here they were. Sitting in Mark’s mother’s living room, unable to relax as much as they’d hoped to do. Mark’s mother took a sip of her coffee, watching the two men. And without notion, she dropped the little spoon onto the porcelain plate with a loud clang.

“Why haven’t the two of you touched your coffee? Is it not good?”

Mark immediately raised his arms dismissively, whilst Sean shook his head vigorously. Their eyes found each other, and drifted back to the confused Korean woman. It wasn’t so much that they didn’t like their beverages, it was more .. the fact that she had switched their orders around. Mark received a cup of black coffee, and Sean was handed a cup of coffee with milk. Sean hated the concept of putting milk in coffee, so he wasn’t all that eager to take that first sip.

“N-no .. It’s fine, mom. We’re just .. a bit tired.”   
Mark turned his head towards Sean, who nodded as well.   
“Exactly, Mrs. Fischbach. The coffee is just fine.”

Not really buying any of it, the woman narrowed her gaze ever so slightly.   
“How would you know if it’s any good? You haven’t even **tasted** it yet.”

The three of them looked up when Daniel cleared his throat, and dug up a pack of cigarettes. Shuffling in a snail’s pace, he opened the slide door that lead to the backyard, and threw himself in one of the lawn chairs. Mark and his mother watched as the man lit a cigarette and breathed out a puff of smoke. Sean swallowed, averting his gaze, almost able to wrap his jaws around the smothering tension. Mark jumped onto his feet and grabbed Sean’s arm afterwards. “Sean is just being nice, mom. But we’re _really_ tired ..” His hand found Sean’s behind his back, and he let his fingers caress Sean’s palm. “Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if we take a nap.”

The older woman gaze followed the two young adults as they, awkwardly made their way towards the hallway, and eventually the staircase. “Well then .. “

* * *

 

“Did you just see that?!”  
Sean bit back a grin as he watched Mark pace around the room anxiously.

“See what? If you’re talking about your mother, she kind of had a point there. We should have just told her about the switch up.”

In front of the window Mark came to stop, as he let his gaze wander through the backyard. He scratched his hair nervously, tugging a mixture of black and blue strands, all the while he bit his lip. “Did you see the shit Daniel pulled just now?” Mark turned around for a moment, eyes opened widely. “The guy just walked out of the room. He doesn’t like you, and for what fucking reason, I might ask..?”

Sean bent over his suitcase, taking out a smaller bag of bathroom supplies. “What if he doesn’t? Why should I be bothered by it?” He unzipped the bag, and dug around in it. “He’s not a part of my family. Once we’re back in LA, I don’t have to deal with him any longer.”

With Sean putting away his stuff neatly in the bathroom, Mark let himself fall onto the king-sized bed, arms behind his head, and eyes shut tightly. “It’s disrespectful, that’s all I’m saying ..”

A couple of ‘clangs’ resounded in the small bathroom, accompanied by a symphony of whispered swears. The silence that followed was broken pretty rapidly when the sounds of footsteps drew near. Mark kept his eyes closed, trying to gather his thoughts and get his mind out of the gutter. Perhaps he jumped to conclusions.. The springs of the mattress creaked under the sudden increase of weight. It sunk down a little, and when a shadow crept over him, Mark cracked one eye open, to find Sean hunching over him – a playful grin adorning his thin lips.

“The man went outside for a fag, Mark. You’re just seeing things because you’re nervous.”

“He didn’t even greet you properly. He just .. opened the door and gave you a nod.”  
Sean chuckled, resting his behind on Mark’s abdomen. Which caused Mark to wiggle his feet a little, in an attempt to make Sean fall back some more. Once it hit the Irishman what Mark tried to accomplish, he dug his nails in the mans arm. “I’m not sitting on your dick, ye horny bastard. How can you even be thinking of anything sex-related, when you were freaking out just mere seconds ago?”

“I’m Asian. We are oversexed by nature.” Mark grinned endearingly.

“That’s no excuse, Fischbach. I’m still not sitting on your dick, period.”

The Korean man pouted, eyes shimmering. Sean would have none of it. Mark sighed deeply, grabbing the younger male by the shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. As he explored the Irish mouth and tongue, he let his hand slip under his shirt, tracing the visible vertebrae with his fingertips. Sean deepened the kiss, running his fingers through Mark’s luscious blue locks, and locking them into them. Wanting to remove this damned piece of clothing that kept him from savoring the beauty that is this Irish gem, he bit down the man’s lip. When the green haired man shot him a confused look, Mark gently tugged at the black shirt he was wearing.

“Off.”

A bushy eyebrow arched up. “You’re the Asian one. Shouldn’t I be ordering you around?”  
“I thought I was the Senpai here.”

Sean’s cheeks reddened and he bit his lip, feeling a hot sensation spread through his limbs.“I’m not your goddamn Yandere..”

“Aw, c’mon now, Jackie. Be my Seandere-chan. Pretty please..?” The Korean man tugged at the black shirt again, puppy eyes engaged. Sean just sighed as he let his head fall forward. “Fine..”

He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside somewhere. Neither of them cared where it had landed, it had no importance to either of them anymore.

* * *

 

“Fuck, Mark ..”

“You’re as hard as Geometry Dash ..”

“Could you not? Really now ..”

“Stop – stop .. wait, what are you doing?”

“I’m looking for gold. What the fuck do ye think I’m doin’?”

“Whoa, you sure are a hairy bastard ..”

“That’s what keeps me warm during the winter season.”

“Really? I thought I was the one that could keep you warm.”

“No, that would be the alcohol that you have forced down my throat the last couple of months.”

“Hey now! There’s only one thing I would force down your throat ..”

“Mark! Fer Fock’s sake .. Ye filthy fuck!”

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it tickling the back of your throat.”

“I’ll fucking cut it off, okae?”

“No, you wouldn’t. Once you have ridden an Asian horse, you’ll swallow those words.”

“Fuck! Mark .. fuck! Just .. FUCK!”

“I’m not saying that Asian people have horse dicks .. I mean, I wouldn’t know.”

“How the fuck even, Mark? You are a fucking Asian..”

“Yeah, but my dick is so small, I need tweezers just to take a piss.”

“You’re bullshittin’ me ..”

“Look!”

“ **AAAAAAAAAAARGH! GODDAMN IT! IT’S LIKE LOOKING AT THE SUN!** ”

“It’s not _that_ bad ..”

"YA **KNO WHAT I MEAN!** ”

“At least it tastes good, yeah?”

“ **FUCK YOU!** ”

"I wouldn't mind if you did .."

* * *

 

“ _Bro?_ ”

Mark and Sean froze upon hearing the first knock. Mark’s arm fell down the side of the bed, scavenging the carpet for any nearby objects. His hand bumped into a fairly big object, and without giving it a second thought, he grabbed it off the floor, and threw it at the, now being opened carefully, bedroom door. With a yelp, Thomas managed to dodge the flying piece of foot wear.

“Mark, **what the fuck?** ”

Sean hid under the covers, holding his breath in an attempt to make it appear as if he wasn’t there. In an attempt to overshadow the nasty shit he had been doing with Mark just now .. Mark pushed himself up with his elbow, eyebrows knitted together.

“No, **you** , what the fuck? You can’t just barge into someone’s room.”

Thomas crossed his arms. “The door wasn’t locked, and as a matter of fact, I have knocked. _Twice_ , to be exact.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

Thomas let his eyes wander through the guest room. "Not that it's probably any of my business, but does mom know you're in there with somebody?" His inquisitive demeanour caused Mark to squeeze his eyes to little slits.   
"What did you hear ..?"

"A lot of what I will never be able to comprehend, I'm sure."

Mark was convinced that his brother had heard the majority of his activities with Sean.  
"When did you come back anyway?"

"Just now, actually. Amber Lynn had an appointment with her hairdresser, and she had asked me if I wanted to go with her "

"Seriously, Thomas .. _What_ did you hear?" Mark was keen to gain a clear answer.

"It was pretty obvious you were doing some nasty stuff in there .. Speaking off, who's in there?"

Thomas saw the nervous state his brother was in, and decided to continue asking questions.  
"Mom told you brought` a friend, is he in there by any chance? Because Mom mentioned the name John .. I've never heard you mention anyone named John before. Is he another one of those YouTube people? "

Mark could not restrain himself from resounding a sigh.  
"Mom has extreme difficulty pronouncing his name properly. It's Sean, **not** fucking _John_."

Thomas chuckled amused. "Isn't that pretty much the same thing?" He then turned to the door."Mom also Said you've been acting pretty weird. LA lifestyle rubbing off on you? "

"No, of course not. Mom was unsettling Sean, so I told her we were going to unpack our things .. "

One of Thomas' eyebrows soared. "Wait .. Why are you half naked then? Were you jacking off to some weird porn or something? "

Mark rubbed his eyes. "Yes .. I was jacking off to porn. Because you know how much I **love** _porn_.. "

"Thomas! Tell Mark and John to come down already! The food is getting cold! "  
The impatient voice of their mother yelled from the kitchen.

Still chuckling, Thomas left the room. "You heard the lady, bro. But before you do, make sure to wipe properly. "

* * *

 

Mark rubbed his face with both of his hands, whilst moaning. "Oh, God .."  
He saw Sean’s head emerge from underneath the blanket. "You're fucked now .."

Shaking his head, Mark tried to pass it off of him. "No, I'm not. We're just gonna go downstairs, have dinner and pretend like nothing happened. "

".. Your brother heard us, _hardcore._ "  
"He wouldn’t have if you weren’t so loud .." replied the Korean man, scanning the ground for his shirt and jeans.

"I've never heard you complain before."  
"What are you waiting for? Put on some clothes! "  
"10 minutes ago you were so eager for me to _take them off_! Make up your damn mind, Fischbach. "

* * *

 

The table was set nicely. The vapour rose up from the food, in order to circulate around the lamp which hung attached above the table. Mark's mother had already been filling Daniel’s plate with heaps of food, while Thomas and Amber Lynn had a conversation with each other. The kitchen held a lively atmosphere, with a cheerful undertone that caused Mark to feel even more uncomfortable. Once his presence was noted, a sweet smile had formed on the face of his mother. "Baby, have a seat." She then turned to Sean, with the same smile still present. "You too, John. Sit, sit. I hope you boys are hungry. "

The artificial light coming from the kitchen light, reflected on the silver cutlery. The view of it fascinated Mark somewhat, as he half-kindheartedly listened to the conversations in the background. From the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Sean, who apparently seemed to enjoy his supper. Mark wasn’t surprised, they both had eaten nothing since they left for the airport. Although his own sense of appetite has seemed to leave him at the moment. In a hesitant manner, the 26-year-old moved baked potato from one direction to another, staring ahead in utter ignorance. He lost the grip on his fork, and it resounded a loud clatter as it tumbled down, once the voice of his mother echoed.

"Honey, you not hungry? Don’t you like the food, maybe? "

When he looked up, he found the astonished gaze of the other attendees. He picked the fork up again firmly, to prick it in a cut potato piece. "No, Mom. Your cooking is always excellent .. "

Daniel Radman licked some leftover sauce from his lips, and turned his shaking his head towards Mark's mother. The woman shrugged her shoulders unknowingly, in response. Her hand found the shoulder of Sean, and with an encouraging smile, she nodded to the Irishman. "Your surely seem to enjoy your meal, don’t you, darling?" Sean nodded in agreement, as he nibbled on a piece of meat. He was anything **but** a picky eater.

"Mom ..?"

A pair of brown eyes found the identical pair of her youngest son. "Yes, darling?"

"I have to tell you something .."

* * *

 

All eyes were focused on Mark and almost immediately all conversations fell silent. Mark felt his mother's eyes light up at him, and turned to Sean for a possible rescue. But then decided to turn his gaze away, to let it rest on the plate that was on the table before him.

"What's wrong, Mark?"

Amber Lynn found the unknowing look in the eyes of Thomas, while Mark's mother turned to her husband for any hint of understanding. But what she had received from the man was the lax manner in which he shrugged his shoulders.

"No .. Nothing's wrong.. But I think you have the right to know that I am currently in .."

His gaze slid to Sean, awaiting his approval. Once the Irishman sent him an assenting nod, he continued.

".. a _relationship_."

In an instant a light sprung to life in the almond-shaped eyes of his mother, which was accompanied with the favourable grimaces on the faces of his brother and his girlfriend. He boldly shook his head, hands held up.

"It's still fresh. And .. not yet _official_ , but .. I'm happy and that's what matters most, _right_?"

Mark's mother expressed her heartfelt happiness. Smiling, she brought her hands together.   
"Honey, that's great! Finally you have found your happiness. I'm so happy for you!"

Somewhat awkwardly, Mark fiddled with his fingers under the table. "Mom, you do not have to exaggerate it so much. It's just a relationship .. You make it appear as if I'm about to get married.."

Feeling over the moon, the older woman got onto her feet, to move towards the kitchen. To shortly afterwards, to enter the dining room with a bottle of wine held in her hands. "Don't be silly, Mark. It's been a long time since you last were able to share your happiness with another person." As she placed the bottle on the table, accompanied by a few glasses, she nodded to the Irishman. In an ecstatic mood, she hugged the young man from behind.

"I knew it. That silly boy with the green hair found the way to win my baby's heart." She placed a wine glass in front of him and then her eyes narrowed to slits. "You must take good care of my boy, you hear me?" Then she turned her head to her youngest son. "And the same goes for you, Mark. I want you to take good care of John. You now share weal and woe!"

With a loud smack, Mark had dropped his head on the table. **He could die of shame**. His older brother and Amber Lynn laughed heartily once they pushed their glasses against each other. "To Mark and Sean!" Mark's mother imitated their actions. "To Mark and John!"

Daniel, however, climbed to his feet, placed a cigarette between his lips and trudged silently toward the backyard. This didn't go unnoticed by Mark and Sean, and they exchanged a look of sheer incomprehension. And Sean noticed the pain that lurked behind Mark's dark eyes. He excused himself to Mark's family, went to the semi Korean man and escorted him to the entrance hall. There, he placed both hands on Mark's broad shoulders.

"Most of your family is genuinely happy for you and grant you the best. Don't worry about your stepfather."

The uncertainty that enveloped Mark just seemed to increase in severity.

"Mark, listen to me .."

He smiled when Mark looked into his eyes.

"You can not expect everyone to share the same mindset and tolerances. There will always be people who look down upon you and judge you, it's up to us to show them that it does not bother us. That it does not affect us, that we stand above it. From now on it's you and me, you understand me? "

Mark nodded and sobbing, he rubbed his, covered with blue strands of hair, eyes.  
"I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that your father is more acceptant .."

Grinning, Sean kissed the forehead of the Korean man.  
"I am confident that you will adore my father. You love me, and I'm an exact duplicate of my father."

* * *

 

"It's _not_ natural. That's all I have say about it, Hyun-Sun."

Daniel took the remote control in his hand, his eyes glued to the television set. Hyun didn't understand the sudden change of mood with her husband. While she cleaned the table, she passed the window frame in the dining room, to say goodbye to her son and Amber Lynn.

"I think you act very unreasonable, Daniel. What's so wrong about the love between two people? Regardless of their gender."

Her words, however, did not reach the 56-year-old man. With one hand he stroked his nose, and took a more comfortable position in the leather chair. He didn't want to discuss the topic, and the possible discussions with his wife which were likely to follow, were one of the last things he was willing was to put his time and energy in.

"Don't try to tell me that your son has suddenly changed orientation. Never before he mention a single word about the possible attraction to the same sex. I won't buy any of it."

Shaking her head, Hyun Sun bent over the drain. With a swift arm movement, she deposited the dirty dishes in the water. She turned her head briefly to the little dog that sat under the kitchen table. "Quiet, Charlie." She swallowed down a disappointed sigh,while she started with the washing of the dishes.

"As long as my kids are happy, I accept any of their life choices. Whether they are considered to be 'wrong' by others, All that holds worth to me is their happiness. And your resentment towards their happiness, disgusts me, to be quite honest ! "  


* * *

 

"Mark .. What are you doing?"

Sean spoke, watching closely as Mark hurriedly gathered his belongings and stuffed them in his suitcase. Without looking up, Mark's voice sounded while he continued packing.

"We're going back to LA."

Sean opened his eyes, and dropped both arms limply at his sides.

"Mark, you're kidding .."

For a moment the two looked into each other's eyes, then Mark focused back on preparing his bags. Mark's words overwhelmed Sean, and with eyes filled with disbelief, he watched the Korean man as he paced through the room. "This is anything but a laughing matter, Sean. **I'm done**. I do not want to be judged throughout this entire week, due the choices I make."

The Irishman got onto his feet and and placed his hands on Mark's biceps. It forced the 26-year-old to the cessation of his operations, and to look into the eyes of the man with the green hair.

"Sean, save it. My mind is made up."

"Mark, you're behaving unreasonable. Please take the time to put your thoughts in order."

Hard Handy Mark pulled himself out of the younger man's gentle touches. He hooked his hands into his tousled hair. " _ **I'm**_ being unreasonable? Now it gets even better!"

Sean did not adhere, and could only grope in the dark. What did Mark expect from him?  
"You can not just leave, you understand that too! Try to strike up a conversation with your stepfather before jumping to conclusions. Listen to his side of the story, you might understand his reaction a tad better."

Mark shook his head, and zipped up his bags. Sighing, Sean grabbed the man by the arm, stopping him for a second time. "Mark, come on .."

Forcefully, Mark pushed the younger man aside, causing him to fall back, hit his head on one of the small coffee table's edges, and land on the tiled floor. Panting, Mark watched how the Irishman wiped a few rivulets of blood from his temples, and prolonged stared at the smeared blood on his fingertips. Guilt filled Mark's stomach, but his outstretched hand was swept away rudely. With teary eyes, Sean dropped his chin to his chest.

"That was unnecessary .."

"Sean, I'm sorry .. I lost control.."

"I'll go down and ask your mother to help with the care of this wound. I want you to stay here and cool down .."

Sean climbed to his feet, his hand kept over the loin wound. He sent Mark a last look shrouded in disappointment before he yanked the door open and descended the steps. Sighing, Mark dried some tears that had formed in his eye. His suitcase was thrown across the room and sobbing, he allowed himself to slide down the wall with his back.

_He had fucked up.._

* * *

 

The door was opened cautiously. The hinges groaned softly under the light efforts they had to make. Sneakers ticked on the floor tiles, and an artificial source of light awakened, to dispel the surrounding darkness. Metal resounded when the brackets of a hoodie touched the iron outline on the backrest of the couch when it was thrown over its backrest. The sound of iron and metal that touched one another resounded again, this time at the disposal of belt surrounded pants. The sneakers were kicked off randomly, and a sigh escaped from the lips of the nocturnal visitor. Mark tried holding his breath in, to Sean to give the impression that he was asleep by now. But once the mattress collapsed under the sudden increase in weight, and he heard the man snuggle in bed next to him, he couldn't do anything but open his eyes wide. The more he thought about it to adhere motionless, the stronger the spasms became, which tore at his muscles. When Sean's leg ( _accidentally?_ ) brushed against his own, he gasped for air unwillingly. However, the room remained silent, aside from the movements of the duvet and mattress. Mark pushed his head deeper into his pillow and squeezed it between his two arms. It was inevitable that Sean would still be mad at him .. And he had every right to be so.

Two arms curled around his lower body, and he felt Sean's warm breath reflect on his shoulder blades. "Mark .. It's OK. _Really_ .."

The Korean man turned around so he face could face the Irishman. A few squirts of pure moonlight fell into the guest room, and lit the band aid which now covered Sean's wound. A knife cut along the centre of Mark's heart, and he squeezed his eyes shut instinctively when he felt them tear up. "I'm sorry .. I can not emphasize it enough how sorry I am .."

He reached out a trembling hand to the Irishman's face, and with extreme caution and care stroked the band aid that adorned the man's face. Sean clutched his hand around Mark's, a sweet smile on his lips. "What did I just say, Mark?"

Mark's eyes reflected a sense of guilt, something that Sean could not stand. He could not stand to see Mark appalled .. It crawled under his skin and would eventually devour him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips onto those of the miserable Korean. " _I've had worse_ .. It was an accident. Could happen to anyone."

But the tears still welled up in those brown bright lights. Sobbing, Mark pulled the Irishman closer to him, and buried his face in his close-cropped green hair. "I'll never forgive myself for ever hurting you. I am genuinely sorry .." Sean tried to struggle and free himself out of Mark's death grip, which prompted Mark to strengthen his grip on the younger man.

"Listen to me .. The way my stepfather reacted .. makes me feel insecure about myself. It makes me doubt myself .. .. I feel like I've failed as a person .. And I know I should not let it get to me, but still .. I can't help it. "

Sean rubbed the wet streaks off of Mark's face, and caressed his cheek with a hand.  
"If you think it is necessary to go home, then we'll go back to LA. We'll book the first available flight back. As long as you can come to rest, I'll follow you into the darkness and out."

He playfully licked the 26-year-old man's lower lip, to proceed to gently nibble on the soft flesh. Mark wiped the remaining tears, sobbing, and then rolled on top of the Irishman, pinning his frail body into the mattress.

"Make-up sex?"

Grinning, Sean wrapped his arms around Mark's neck and pulled him closer for a kiss.

"Count me in."

* * *

 

Hyun looked up when she saw her youngest son walk into the living room. She nodded, smiling, when he threw himself on the seat couch and exhaled a sigh of relief. Everything indicated that Daniel had already left for work, and this somewhat reassured the 26-year-old.

"Good morning, sweetie."

The cheerful voice of his mother resounded again, and when he head turned his head in her direction, he saw the woman folding her newspaper and put it on the coffee table. The wall clock showed the 9:18 in the morning, and the thought that Sean was anything but a morning person, starred in Mark's mind.

"Is John still asleep?"

He nodded in an assenting manner to the gathered question. He had been lying there so peaceful, with his arms clenched around the pillow, and his mouth hanging open slightly. Mark couldn't even muster the strength to awaken that sleeping baby. So he sneaked out of the guest room as quietly as possible.

"Should I already set the breakfast table, or you'd rather I wait for John?"

Mark followed his mother with his eyes as she sauntered towards the kitchen. Never before had the atmosphere felt so uncomfortable .. He wanted to ask his mother for some much needed help, but restrained himself. Footsteps thundered down the steps, and soon the door to the living room carefully swung open. He stood face to face with the Irishman, and noticed how his green hair traced down his face in wet lines. Fresh from the shower ..

"Good morning!"

Sean greeted them both in an excited state. As soon as he sat down next to Mark, the Korean man could sniff the strong aroma of citrus. It brought him inner calm, even though a handful of shampoo would possibly had been responsible. Hyun Sun smiled and nodded to both men.

"I will already set the table. You boys just take as much time as needed to fully wake up."

That said, she sauntered into the kitchen again. Soon the sounds of pulled open and closed kitchen cupboards sprang to life, along with the clatter of cutlery and china plates. Charlie, Hyun's dog, pattered through the living room, and shot like a rocket past the two men sitting on the seat. Sean watched the little creature, grinning, and he dropped his head on Mark's shoulder. The wet sensation that spread through the fabric of Mark's shirt, felt bitterly cold and hissing, the Korean withdrew. "You're wet .."

The grin on Sean's lips increased in size. "As far as I know, that's never a problem."

He stuck out his tongue, to follow Mark's jawline with its tip. A shiver crept along Mark's spine, to end abruptly at his waist. He pushed the upper body of the younger man against the backrest of the seat and placed his lips around his.

"Oh .. Well, I wanted to call you boys for breakfast, but it looks like you have already found something to munch on in the meantime."

Squeaking, Mark straightened up and moved to the far corner of the seat. Sean licked the leftovers of Marks spit from his lips as he turned to Hyun. "He tastes pretty good, my compliments, Mrs. Fischbach."

Synchronized laughter of both his mother and friend, incited Mark to become even more red faced. He wanted nothing more then to sink into the ground and disappear into the earth's boiling core.

"Come on, boys. Breakfast!"

Mark absently stared at the slices of bread that were on his plate -- deep in thought. While Sean was working on his motto : Hunger stilled, Stomach filled. Hyun frowned at the sight of her frustrated child.

"Mark, don't worry about Daniel. This is your life, and in it you make your own choices."  
A pair of brown eyes found an identical pair and a pair of lips weakly curled into a forced smile.  
"I know, Mom .."

The older woman rested her hand on that of her son, and looked deeply into his eyes.  
"Listen to me, Mark. Remember what I told you?"  
Sean watched intently as the two exchanged intense glances. He swallowed a final amount of bread, his blue eyes glued onto mother and son.  
"dangsin-i dangsin onion seontaeg eul Hagi jeon-e-saeng sinjunghage gaghasibsio." ( _think carefully before making your choice_ )

The Korean man nodded once. "nae ma-eum i guseongdoeeo issseubnida. nan geunyang eotteon silsuleul hago sipda." ( _my mind is made up. I just do not want to make mistakes_ )  
Hyun slid her eyes to Sean briefly, and she nodded to her son.  
"dangsin onion saenghwal, dangsin onion seontaeg, dangsin onion milae." ( _your life, your choices, your future._ )

* * *

 

Hyun got up, walked out of the room, to return dressed in her winter coat and scarf. She cast a glance at the two young men, smiling gently as she picked up Charlie. "I'm gonna take Charlie out for a walk, okay? When I get back I'm gonna jump into my buckets of paint, because they expect me at work at 10." Mark nodded, and watched as she walked through the garage door. Once she had disappeared out of his line of sight, he picked up his plate and disposed his food in the bin. Much to Sean's surprise. He refilled his glass with OJ, and turned to the distressed man as he screwed on the bottle's lit. Mark decided to clear the table, never speaking a single word as he did it. It went completely over Sean's head why Mark would throw away his food, but to suddenly clear the table while he was still eating.. That was just out of character, especially for Mark. Mark Fischbach, the most sympathetic human being he knew.

He rested his chin in the palms of his hands, an eyebrow arched as he continued to watch the Korean man. "Mark .. What did your mother tell you?" His head moved almost synchronized to Mark's rapid movements. "I mean, I know a little Korean .. but it isn't nearly as good as to understand what you guys were discussing. Is it an older dialect perhaps?"

Once the table was empty, aside from Sean's glass, Mark came to a sudden stop and breathed out a puff of air that he had been holding in. He let his chin fall against his collarbones, and closed his eyes.  
"It's a northwestern dialect.. And she told me to think carefully before I make a decision." It didn't quite register with the Irish man, and thus he furrowed his eyebrows in response. "A decision about what?" Mark turned around and locked his brown eyes with Sean's blue ones.

"It is said that when a child is able to break ties with their family, in order to start a newfound life with their loved one, they are considered ' _an adult_ '."

Sean nodded, trying his best to follow. After all, he was not familiar with Korean traditions whatsoever. But he wanted to go deeper into them if it meant a lot to Mark. This was who he is, and what his family and ethnicity stands for.

"But my mother notices how much I care about Daniel's opinion on my relationship with you. And this means that I am still dependent on the guidance of my family members. Thus it is possible that I am currently unable to break ties with my family, even if it was just a little. And .. so I am not yet ready to build towards a possible future." Mark turned his head towards the Irishman. "You understand?"

Sean had no idea what to say, nor did he had any idea what kind of answer Mark was hoping for. He reached for his glass of OJ and chugged its contents down in a hurry. He then looked at Mark apologetically. "I think so. So .. You're not sure whether we have a future together?"

A set of almond eyes watered ever so slightly, not completely, not fully, but just a little. Just enough to be noticed. It upset Sean deeply and he immediately jumped out of his seat to comfort Mark. He pressed his body against Mark's and dug his face into his neck. "I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't. What I meant to say was .." Mark caressed the green haired individual's cheek with a thumb, smiling softly. "You did mean it like that. You said it just like you meant it. And it's okay if you do, because .. maybe that's the case." He looked down a little, not much, but he did have a couple of inches on Sean. "I don't know. I honestly don't."

Sean's eyes widened. "What are you saying .. ?"

The Korean shrugged his shoulders half-kindheartedly. He wasn't sure about anything anymore, and it pained him. "Maybe .. You said you liked that Lilly girl, didn't you?"  
Sean swallowed harshly. "What the fuck, Mark .. ?"

"Hear me out. Spend some time with her, spend some time with your friends and family." Mark hugged himself tightly. "We've spent so much time together lately, maybe .. it wouldn't be such a bad idea if we took a little break." He found a set of blue eyes, and sighed. "To collect our thoughts. This could only benefit us both."


	10. Chapter 10

"Wait, so he literally said that the both of you had no future together?"

Sean shrugged his shoulder aimlessly. He had no idea anymore what to think of it all. He couldn't possible have been more angry with Mark, yet he was unable to voice that anger directly. He was pretty much rendered helpless. The only thing left for him to do, was pack his stuff and follow Mark as he wanted nothing more than going back to LA.

"Not literally, he .. para-phrased it. But that's what he meant .."

Once they had arrived back in LA, everything went to shit. Mark withdrew himself most of the time, spending most of his time in front of his computer, or keeping himself occupied with projects he'd start randomly with the Cyndago guys. In retrospect, this left Sean with more time to input in his own YouTube channel, something he had neglected for quite some time ever since he got romantically involved with Mark.. -- Lilly straightened her back and ran a hand through her messy blue locks. The black rug on the floor shifted a little when Sans rolled over and landed on his stomach. The little critter breathed out heavily, his tongue hung out of its mouth, leaking little drops of drool on the rug. Lillian wrapped her hands around her knees, pulling them closer to her chest. Sean resembled nothing more than a puppet, it was the sad truth. And she hoped he would start to notice it before it was too late. Before he got his heart broken one more time.. The guy deserved better.

"He started doubting your relationship because of this one intolerant bastard? Are ya feckin' kiddin' me?"

Sean nodded. Somewhat uncertain whether his respond held the complete truth, but it's what he thought to be righteous. He laid back a little, placing his feet on the coffee table, whilst placing his hands on his abdomen. "It's weird in a way, you know?" He turned his head towards the blue haired woman, a weak yet visible frown carved onto his forehead. "You'd think that a YouTuber should be able to handle a little criticism.. It's something we deal with on a regular basis, we create a bit of an immunity for that shite.. Yet, this one man is able to fuck with his mind. Without even saying a damn word.." He looked longingly into Lilly's emerald eyes. "He didn't fucking say anything! Nothing, he just walked out of the goddamn room to smoke his fag in peace." The Irishman pushed himself up, and rested his lower arms on his upper legs, releasing a puff of air in sheer annoyance. Lillian could only nod. Sean obviously cared immensely about Mark, so it was unclear to Lillian why he didn't take any actions towards getting their shit sorted out together.

She got up to wander off into the kitchen. Fixing them some soda, she listened to another compilation of Sean's displeased grunts. "There's a difference between strangers and members of your family, Jack. If a stranger were to talk shit to me, I'd be damned to give two flying fucks. But if my mother would talk shit to me, for example, it would get to me." She walked back to the living room, placing the two glasses on the coffee table. "It's family, their opinions should matter to you. It's completely normal for him to react this intense." She dropped herself back onto the couch, resounding a sigh of relief. A couch shouldn't be this comfortable, it really should not. "Granted, he overreacted a tad by immediately doubting your possible future together, but .. coming out as 'gay', is never easy. Especially if you've been convinced of your heterosexuality for half of your life." Sean froze for a moment, trapping his bottom lip between a row of teeth. The girl had a point there, it had been the same bullshit Sean had been struggling with himself half of the time .. Maybe he should try to show more understanding for Mark's frail personality.. He had no idea how he'd react himself if he were in Mark's shoes.

Lillian smiled reassuringly at him, rubbing his shoulder gently with a hand. "Give him some time. He'll come by, I'm sure of it. Mark loves you, right?" Sean nodded. "And you love him, yeah?" The Irishman nodded again. "Then let time decide what's best for the both of you. This is what relationships are. If they were easy, don't you think there would have been less sappy love songs out there?" A pair of blue eyes were narrowed, and the corners of the man's mouth dropped down. "Love is all about ups and downs, Jackie. You have to fight to keep strong .."

"Lilly, seriously .. Stop with the melodramatic shit."

"It's not melodramatic, Jack. It's reality .. You can't just expect a relationship to stay strong. You have to put some effort into it."

"For fuck's sake, Lilly.. He basically suggested a break .. we've been together for about month. Do you not see the ridiculousness in this scenario?"

"I do, and I admit he overreacts. But like I said, try to walk this mile in his shoes."

* * *

 

"I just don't understand why it started to affect him _now_.." Sean watched Sans' trying to roll onto its stomach, in which the small English Bulldog pup failed with each of its pitiful attempts. It sighed in utter defeat, dropping himself back on his back, eyes shut and licking the corners of its snout.  <i>Poor wrinkly, chubby bastard</i>. Lillian looked at the circular shape of her glass's opening, twirling it around a little by rotating her wrists, noticing how the surrounding lights reflected onto the material. "Because up until now, he has been surrounded by acceptance. People who support him and respect him for who he is, and not what he is." Sean sunk a little deeper into his seat, removing the small pillow located behind his back, and trapping it between his arms. "Mark is not gay, and neither am I. All cliches aside, we're dealing with exceptions here." Nodding her head, Lillian licked her lips, letting her gaze shift towards the snoring puppy laying sprawled about on the black rug. "Yeah, and I'm totally, 100% heterosexual. Every woman I've ever slept with, was an exception on the rule." The Irishman frowned upon hearing Lilly's reaction, only for his frown to turn upside down once he caught a glimpse on her trademark sly grin.

"Being bisexual is a completely different story .." He sighed, running his hands through his face. "Also .. what the fuck am I supposed to do now? It feels like we tumbled down and landed back in the friend zone.. The atmosphere around the house is so .." The Irish-American woman shook her head whilst voicing an amused laugh. "Tense. -- Good God, Jack. You're starting to sound like a girl." She eyed the horrified expression that crawled on the green haired individual's face, finding it hard to keep a straight face herself. "You could start with fighting for your man. Most of the times it's the little things that can work miracles, you know? Show him that you appreciate everything that he does for you.. Show him that you care."

Sean's bushy eyebrows dropped down straight away, and he clenched the pillow tighter to his chest. "I already do that." -- Yet Lilly shook her head. "Obviously, you're doing it wrong then. Try showing it in a different way." Both adults exchanged some looks, before Sean grunted heavily. "What do you suggest then?"

A wide smile found its way onto the blue haired woman's face. "Like I said, little things. How about you cook for once? Or maybe you could do the laundry, or the groceries .. " Then her eyes grew big and she turned her full body towards the confused Irishman. "Buy him a puppy! Everybody likes puppies. And it'll show him that you're capable of taking care of a living creature." -- _This bitch has completely lost her mind_ , Sean thought to himself. _She must have .. What the absolute fuck was that all of a sudden?_

"I'm not buying him a dog. The guy barely has time to take care of himself. I'm not bringing a third member of the family into the house, for it to end up being neglected."

Lillian gave him a gentle push, still grinning like a madman. "Trust me on this one! He said he had no certainty of a possible future with you... Because he has nothing to build that possibility on. Right now all he has to hold onto is the possibility that his stepdad might be right about it not being 'natural. If you give him a reason to believe that you're family material, he might change his mind. Hence he'll have a second possibility!"

The man simply shook his head. "That's crazy. Living like a recluse has messed with your head, Lilly."

"Two possibilities are always better than having just one.." Lilly spoke softly, almost feeling somewhat pettish about having her idea bashed down like that. It wasn't such a bad idea, .. right? She stroked a few strands of blue hair behind her ear, and bit her lip as she continued to give it a third thought. "Uhm .. If Mark's lack of time if your only reason for not buying him a puppy, than you might want to reconsider the fact that you have plenty of time. And excuse me for being a recluse, but .. Last time I checked, due to your current profession, you're kind of in the same boat with me. So don't be a damn hypocrite if you can't back your shit up."

Sean whacked the girl over the head with the burgundy pillow. "Shut the fuck up, Lilly! You're not helping!"  
Laughing, the girl tried to ward off most of the swings. "I am! You're just being too fucking stubborn. Open mind, Jackie. You'll go great lengths if you keep an open mind."

"I'm not buying him a fucking dog!"  
"I"m positive he'll like it.."  
" **NO**!"

* * *

 

Mark raised his eyebrows in surprise upon finding Sean standing in front of the stove, a towel draped over one of his slender shoulders -- his green strands falling down his temples messily as beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. Taking in the rare sight, the Korean man crossed his arms and leaned back against the door frame. The Irishman was shrouded in utter concentration on the task on hand, never even taking notice of his unexpected guest and spectator. The smell of burned vegetables spread throughout the kitchen area, and in an attempt to undo the damage, Sean nearly threw the pan on the kitchen cabinet. Voicing a mouthful of swears as he rushed towards the kitchen sink to hold his burned hand under an ice cold ray of water. But the damage had been done, the vegetables were fucked up. Ready to be tossed in the bin, or fed to a pork if they ever decided on buying one in the near future. Smoke rose from the pan, spreading through the kitchen in a cloud formation. And the smell wasn't even the worst factor of it all ..

Mark couldn't withhold a grin from spreading on his lips as he watched the Irishman struggle in this unfamiliar territory. The Korean man rolled up his sleeves, bending over the kitchen sink so he could open one of the windows. When his eyes met a pair of blue ones, he smiled and wrapped his fingers around the owner's slender wrist. "Are you okay? Let me take a look .." As the man inspected the redness that had spread and took over Sean's palm, the younger male swallowed, unable to tear his eyes away from the older male. "I .. I'm fine .. I'm just .." Mark released his wrist, placing both hands in his sides. "What are you doing anyway? I'm okay with doing all of the cooking, Sean." The Irishman shook his head eagerly, and let his slightly burned hand fall limply down his side. "Yeah, exactly. That's why I wanted to take that burden off of you, for today. But I'm messing up for some reason .."

A set of brown eyes rested on the pan of pitch black greens, and a chuckle resounded shortly after. Mark took the towel from Sean's shoulder, wrapped it around the panhandle, and tossed its contents in the bin. Sean could only watch him dumbly, wanting to kick himself in the spine for not even being able to pull off something as easy as preparing dinner. Then his train of thoughts crashed suddenly, and his brain focused solemnly on Mark's deep voice. "It looks like you could use a hand. Scoot over and hand me another pan. They should be in that lower cabinet down there.."

* * *

 

Sean narrowed his eyes when he heard Mark snickering quietly to himself. The Korean man had been doing this for quite some time now during dinner - which he luckily managed to save from certain doom - and not knowing the reason to it, got under the Irishman's skin with each passing minute. He watched Mark closely as the man scooped some food onto his fork, a grin coming to life on his lips, for them to open up, leading the food towards a sudden death to molar teeth. Sean bit his bottom lip in aggravation. "Stop doing that!" Mark dropped his fork onto his plate, an eyebrow cocked and his lips parted. "Pardon?" Exactly. As expected.. Sean's harsh stare softened, and his eyebrows relaxed. He just sat that in silence, shaking his head, desperately trying to avert his gaze. "I don't .. find this amusing at all. Not even a little bit."

He locked his light eyes with Marks darker ones, and in an instant felt his anger .. melt, for a lack of better words. "I showed some good will. The will to want to make a change. Make up for the dismal past events that have taken place.. " He then teared his gaze away once more. "To work on our relationship, so it will continue to be 'us'.."   
Marks mood changed without any warning. "Don't claim that I don't appreciate your efforts, Sean."

"I never said that you didn't. I simply ask you to take that stupid grin off of your face. Can you not see how it might give me the impression that this is amusing to you? Thus it makes me feel ridiculous."

Mark breathed out a sigh, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes sporadically.  
"How can you expect me not to be amused? You burnt our food .. and the sight of you running around in the kitchen, was truly entertaining. That does not mean, in any regard, that I am judging you in any way, nor does it mean that I'm turning this into a joke. I do take your attempted gift to me seriously, but you fucked up man." He looked at the aghast look in Sean's blue colored eyes and swallowed. "Throw me a fucking bone here.."

Sean merely shook his head, standing up, not even bothered by the chair scraping across the tiled floor when he did.  
"You know what? It's .. I'm not even gonna .. Never mind."

Mark jumped to his feet as Sean attempted to exit the kitchen, following him through the living room and grabbing his bicep firmly. Going back and forth wasn't going to get them anywhere, and these insolent, needless arguments were one thing he could really go without. Sean struggled, looking into Marks eyes, only to avert them later on. Pulling back from Marks touch, ready to flee the confrontation, yet he remained motionless, as if he were glued to the carpeted floor. There were no easy answers, and there was no avoiding expectations they had fabricated and outed towards each other. There will never be an action without a reaction, and taking the cowards way out was proven to be anything but gracious nor easy. Of that they were painfully aware, yet the knowledge that that nearing confrontation would destroy more of the bricks they had build together, than it would strengthen them, held them back. Both forced to remain silent, with a throbbing fear of losing something they cherished more than anything they had before in their lives.

"If we go on like this, we won't like the outcome that's waiting for us. It's not worth it, Sean .."

He bit his bottom lip. He felt love pull on his heart strings, yet reality wiped his slate clean. Leaving him with a blank mind, and an inability to react rationally. He was uncertain whether his behaviour was righteous, and feared losing grip on the one thing he had been holding onto for dear life all this time. Perhaps running wouldn't be considered to be an adult approach to this situation, nor a responsible way to deal with the flood of emotions washing over him with every little bit of eye contact they made, but at least it would mute the deafening sounds of reason, currently tugging him back and forth, up and down and from left to right.

"I don't fear what might happen any more than I fear what is happening right now.."

Mark nodded in agreement, then again, what else could he do? Could words make any difference that actions would not? If so, why are words used as weapons more than actual actions intended to scar a frail creatures state of mind and current feeling of self confidence and contentment with the flow of events? Why would one kind of pain surpass another? Where can that bar be found and how is it properly applied to a situation at hand? Pain is pain, the definition isn't likely to change, yet the actual experience can be quite contrary from a traditional one. Our knowledge on the matter is limited to our own experiences, and unable to adapt until pain has been experienced in a similar fashion. Yet even if pain is similar, and experienced similarly, it will never be the same. It will never be equal, they will never come together as one. It is simply impossible, and thus understanding humanity and its mutable behaviour patterns will remain exhausting. And painful, because gaining knowledge on the matter equals losing the subject you'd been studying..

"Sean, let time take its course. I'm sure we'll find each other again in better conditions. We should not let this ruin everything we've worked so hard on to achieve.."

"Maybe .. I just no longer have the energy to simply wait for solutions to fall from the sky, Mark. Because, if I were to be honest, that reality will never persevere in this society. It's fight or flee, and honestly, you have been done fighting ever since we left Cincinnati.."

Utter shock formed in Marks dark eyes as he watched Sean mount the staircase. Once the door to the guest room flew shut, he let himself fall back against the wall for support and closed his eyes. -- **Time won't tell, time only creates multiple escape routes**.

* * *

 

 _I see us drifting apart. Our joined path has parted into two separate roads, and all that is left are footprints waiting for the rain to erase them. As delicate as they are, are the feelings we once shared. And even though one would be expected to be pained, I am at peace. Life has plans for us, and guides us towards the destinations we are meant to go._

Sean cast one last look on the room he had called his own for almost a year now. Droplets crashed onto the glass window, leaving thin trails on its surface. Sunlight was chased away, leaving L.A. without a single ray of warmth nor light. -- The Irishman added more pressure to his grip on his bag, feeling his fingernails dig into his skin. This was not the ending he had envisioned to this story. So be it ..

Seated in the cab, he breathed out a sigh, closing his eyes to hold onto the last vision of Mark's residence he'd probably ever see. The snowman they had built together a few weeks ago, watched as he departed from his part in this story. Its branchy arm outstretched, almost as if to reach out for him. The man simply kept his eyes firmly shut, focusing on the roaring engine of the cab. He needed his mind to be empty to make it home safely, yet this was easier said than done. And of that, he was painfully aware. It pained him to have walked away from the current situation, with the knowledge of how it would scar Mark eventually. The man did not deserve such cowardness, but it was the best choice. Sean didn't have the strength to argue anymore, and he was certain Mark didn't either.

* * *

 

 _Empty. Not only was that how I felt inside after realizing you had left, but that was also in what condition I arrived home. I can't say that I did not see it coming, that would be a dishonest lie not worth telling nor fabricating. It did not deserve to be brought to life, it had to be denied. Yet I hoped it wouldn't happen anytime soon, honestly I prayed that you would find it in your heart to input more of the strength you were running out of, into our deflating relationship._

Mark took careful steps forward as he entered the empty guestroom. He had left, he really did. He sat down on the bed, caressing the covers gently. In the corner of his eye he noticed a little piece of paper resting on the pillow. Tears that had been attached to his lashes, let go and crashed down onto the pillow case, as he held the note in his hands and let his eyes travel down the lines of writing it held.

Two words. **I'm sorry.**

* * *

 

_I don't need your apologies. I want you to return, you spineless coward!_

Mark kicked over the small coffee table and the leather chairs standing in the centre of the guest room. The glass leaf shattered into tiny pieces, clattering loudly as they crashed down and hit the floor. The man was broken, desperate, unable to figure out how to react, how to deal with the beginning, the ending and the current situation. He breathed heavily, angrily pushing wild and lost strands of blue hair aside.

_How could you ..? Have I not loved you? Haven't I invested more than enough into our relationship? Was I .. not enough?_

* * *

 

Sean dropped himself on his bed. The ceiling had never been more fascinating, considering casting a glance at anything else wouldn't do him any good. Mark was going to be angry at first .. He knew. Then the emotional pain would strike and hit him hard, lastly he would cave in. He would break and blame himself. This haunted Sean for the most part, and it wasn't necessarily easier on him.

 _I know apologies won't lessen the pain_.

The Irishman kicked off his shoes, pants, jacket, scarf and beanie. He crawled under the covers, blinds closed, surrounded by pure and virgin darkness and deafening but also soothing silence. He wanted to disappear for a while, just become one with solitary. Become one with the nothingness, to be nothing.

 _I have no excuse. You have given me more than I could've ever hoped for. You have been my rock. Too much for me to handle ._.

* * *

 

(a few weeks later)

"Jack, don't forget to record your videos today! You seriously can't miss anymore upload days.."

A sigh. The man sat upright, which caused Sans to lift its head slightly. He caressed the pup gently, before getting up and making his way over to his computer.

"I've ordered take-out. Chinese, so try not to snack in between recording and editing. Lau tends to be expensive, and I'm not in the mood to feed Sans anymore crap. He'll shit all over the place.."

 _Thanks for the visual, Lilly_ ..

* * *

 

A lazy Sunday afternoon spent in front of a brightly lit computer monitor. The gentle buzzing of the actual machine in the background went unnoticed for the most part, since Lillian had been too involved with playing some beat-'em-up in the living room, the volume on maximum capacity, blasting in a deafening fashion through the surround sound speakers set up throughout the entire living room. And Sans for one decided that having to listen to characters moan in aggravation or agony every couple of seconds wasn't ear numbing enough, thus throwing himself into a deep slumber whilst emitting suiting snoring. -- Sean had high quality headphones that he paid almost a three digit number for to acquire, but even on its highest volume setting, it was rendered unable to block the surrounding ruckus. Thus the man sighed in defeat, irritation even maybe, bringing his hands to his face in the process. He had a number of games listed, waiting for him to be played and reviewed, but he didn't find the want to get onto it. For the time being, he had been crashing at Lillian's for close to a month, and he was grateful that she wanted to take him in, with such short notice and no preparation at all. Yet .. Lillian was such a mess. And not just in the way that she lived her life, but also reflected by the outward look of her apartment. <i>Geez Lillian, pick up a damn rag or mop and clean up this joint.</i> No, Lillian failed to be bothered by the surrounding clutter. In fact, it almost seemed like she was oblivious to it, or immune in the least. And despite the fact that Mark was known to be obviously, hardcore scatterbrained, at least he would grow sick and tired of the sight on the rubbish and clean it up.

The Irishman felt his heartbeat increase instantly at the idea of Mark's name popping up in his clustered mind, and let his head fall down into his hands. For the last two weeks he had managed to stay clear from such thoughts making an appearance, while at the same time fully aware they'd show their unsightly heads eventually. There is no escape from the one thing you desperately try to avoid when you long for it at the same time. Much like it's impossible to erase writing in pen with a rubber eraser. What is written in ink cannot be removed or forgotten easily. You may find ways to avoid heartache by aimlessly following separate pathways, but they'll eventually come together at the exact same point; acceptance. Pain is easily forgotten and overlooked, but once a similar situation presents itself, the brain automatically links neurons and receivers, recreating and imitating a feeling linked to the very same you experienced at said situation or moment, and only in order for you to figure out your strategy of self protection; defence or offence. Your personal pick, but never without consequences. But then again, life without risk is not worth living for in the end, despite the negative predominating the positive. There cannot be light without darkness, there cannot be happiness without depression, love cannot blossom and unfold without the straining and scarring realization and experience of pure and utter desperation, loneliness in its purest form.

Certainly Mark experienced a similar contrition, Sean surely liked to believe so. Heck, he consciously made the decision to put off the recording of videos and his interaction with fans on social media for personal reasons. And he even considered throwing the towel in the ring for a short lived moment, which Lilly luckily managed to turn around in the nick of time. Yet the knowledge that Mark had done the exact same thing, was clearly, and as obvious as a seeing chocolate stains on a toddlers mouth after telling them not to snack in between meals. You cannot hide the obvious, and definitely not when the correct and expected outward signs point in that general direction. Mark had missed several upload schedules, with the boldness to let his friends fill up the blank video slots with short VLOGs or videos of Chica. Yeah, about Chica.. Shortly after their unofficial break up, one of his roommates bought a pup as consolation. A blonde Labrador or Golden Retriever, Sean wasn't sure since he thought he'd never seen any mention of the dogs actual breed before. Mark named the critter Chica, possible after one of the FNAF characters, but it could've also just been the Spanish word for its gender, at this point it was all speculation. Mark loved that dog, or so it sure seemed on the many pictures that were uploaded on a regular basis. But using his pet as a slot filler was a cheap move, and the act of depriving his fandom of proper content was vile. Despite Sean having no excuse to justify his quite similar, and unhealthy game of hide and seek when the need calls for it.

Lillian dragged him out of his psychic and mental isolation, practically forcing him to do his damn job or just quit while he's at it and unable to muster the courage to pick up where he left off. Heck, the Irish-American woman threatened perpetually with depriving him of food, and Sean for one took her threats to heart. The bitch would manage to pull it off, she'd install fucking padlocks on the kitchen cabinets and wrap the fridge in metal chains. Her quantity of madness would incite her to such behavior. Two videos left to record for the following Monday, and an hour worth of answering the flood of comments.. The man sighed once more, lifting his head to turn it towards the small hallway leading to the bombastic living room.

"Lilly, would you mind turning down the volume a tad ..?"

No reply followed. Well, the ecstatic and enthusiastic victory yells from the blue haired woman herself as he bounced up and down on the couch, waving the wireless controller in the air vigorously. The small English Bulldog opening one of its dark eyes, lifting its head slightly, to resume his state of slumber shortly after.

"Lilly? The volume, a bit less, please."

"Lillian, THE VOLUME! I COULD USE LESS OF IT.."

Still no connection with her occupied brain. The words floated in mid air, to be brutally devoured by the surrounding sound waves. And there were more than plenty of those, ready to strike anything coming near. Sean gradually started losing his patience, and put his word to his action. Getting up, walking into the living room and flicking the main power supply to the television set, speakers and gaming console. When the room turned dark, Lillian's eyes widened, to later on frown in irritation.

"Jack, what the fuck, man? I was minding my own business, what the fuck was that for?"

"I have asked you, multiple times might I add, to lower the volume. I have a fucking job to do, for fuck's sake. And this crap is not exactly helping me concentrate on my task at hand."

Lillian pursed her lips, arms folded as she leaned back into the couch. "Well, sorry.." She then raised an eyebrow, and shook her head. "No, you know what? I should not have to apologize for the shit I do in my own fucking apartment! You had all day to record, and you decided that eight pm would be the perfect time? That's poor judgment, and I am not responsible for your poor skills in decision making."

Sean flicked the switch back on, noticing how Lillian's harsh stare softened once the appliances sprung back to live.

"Just keep it down a bit .. 's all I ask, Lil'. Just give me some time do wrap this up, okay? Two hours max, I promise."

The blue haired woman sent him a short nod of the head, before picking up her controller again.  
"Fine. But could you hand me my iPod then? I believe it's somewhere near the desk.."

* * *

 

"Needles to say that you have been quite ... jumpy lately." Lillian glanced at the young adult sitting next to her on the black couch. She honestly didn't expect any kind of reaction, regardless of any given nature, nor with a proper reason. The man carried a gaping wound around wherever he went, visible on his chest, decorated with the usual yet morbid marks similar to nails that had been digging, desperately trying to break the pale skin, in a vain attempt to get rid of the main source to his disorientation. And Lillian could only hope Sean kept his heart somewhere safe, an not that he tossed it way in a fit of utter blindness.

"And by jumpy I mean irritable. And hear me out on this one, let me make it clear that I perfectly understand what motivates you to project your anger and frustration onto others, but it isn't exactly.. pleasant to be subjected to."

Sean looked at his plate, gently placing the fork on its rounded edge. His blue irises got shrouded by a pair of eyelids, as the man rapidly tried to hold back the tears that formed in his tear ducts and traced the outlines of his lower eyelids. His strength to carry on his forlorn facade, had long been gone. And supplying power to a defective socket will only have hazardous results, both Lillian and Sean were aware of that. Lillian dropped her fork and wrapped her arms around the man as he tried to cover his reddening face when he could no longer muster the strength to smother the sobs that desperately needed to be heard. Their voice dominated everything else, and nothing would be able to rob them from their brief existence.

"Oh Jack..." The young woman rubbed small circles between the Irishman's shoulder blades. "Why did the both of you let it get so out of hand? The grip you had on your emotions is leisurely slipping out of your hands, and it won't do either of you any good to deal with this on your own."

Her words held meaning, they sounded so gentle and caring. She genuinely cared about the well being of this man. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter when she felt the man's tears crash onto the fabric of her hoodie. Sean silently sobbed, since that was all he knew to do in said situations. He tightened the grip he had on Lillian, for a split second fearing even losing her one day. The possibility was real, and he could not handle.

* * *

 

Dark eyes watched the smoke rise from his coffee, through blurred lines that was. He sniffed and wiped the current set of tears, only for them to be replaced by new ones within seconds.

_Mark melted upon seeing that hearty smile plastered onto Sean's face. It was so many kinds of adorable, he just wanted to flail his arms about, screaming and squeaking. Yet he maintained a calm posture. He ran his hand through Sean's hair, nodding in agreement. "That's a good Irish boy!"_

_\- His smile, beautiful, so innocent at heart, yet heartfelt and honest.. Has he smiled perpetually? Was he truly happy..?_

Mark took of his glasses and placed them on the small coffee table. He rubbed his eyes, before letting his limbs fall down heavily. They landed on his upper legs, yet the posture did not leave him satisfied. He brought his hands to his head and locked his fingers into his faded maroon shaded strands of hair.

_It would have been impossible for Sean to laugh even harder, yet he managed to do so. Slapping his thighs with one hand, while whacking the arm rest of the couch with the other. "That's not a joke to enjoy, but it hit home on so many goddamn levels!" Mark couldn't help but mimic Sean's amused state of mind. So he laughed. "That escalated quickly. We went from the topic of big dicks to Asians." Sean gasped for air, laughing even harder than before. "That's not at all a proper transition. I can't fuckin' breathe, fer fuck's sake!"_

_\- He seemed happy .. I've seen him laugh so many times. Had it all been a decently performed facade?_

The first tug, his scalp hurt a little. It was gentle, but it distracted him from the continuing waterfall of tears meeting their end on his worn out jeans. This must have been the second time their relationship had managed to scar them deeply. How can such a relationship, with such outcomes ever be able to be considered healthy?

_"Mark...?"_

_The door opened with extreme caution, giving a faint ray of light the chance to throw itself across the pitch-blackness of Mark's bedroom floor, in a thin line. Whilst groaning in discomfort of being awoken too abruptly, the Korean squeezed his eyes to little slits, and cast a glance at the figure that had made its presence known in the middle of the damn night. A patch of muddled green hair was the first thing he could focus on. Thus Mark immediately jolted up, to rub a hand through his tired eyes, and to pat the empty space on the bed next to him with the other hand. The Nightly Visitor got the hint and silently crept into the room, to take a seat on the edge of the bed._

_"Mark .. I just wanted to .."_

_Sean wasn't even able to finish his sentence, due to feeling Mark's lips on his own. The Irishman pulled back and held both hands over his mouth. The fact that the sleeves of his pyjama blouse were too long and his hands were mostly covered by them, was somewhat adorable to Mark Fischbach. Smiling softly, he ran a hand through Sean's tangled green hair. "Just shut up and lay down. I'm tired." -- With a flushed face and sparkling eyes, Sean crawled next to Mark under the covers. One of Mark's arms was thrown around his tiny waist, and thus he was pulled in for yet another warm embrace. Still blushing like a Japanese teenager in heat, Sean decided to abandon all his uncertainties and insecurities. With a small smile on his lips, he snuggled against the muscular chest of the Asian-American man. Just for this one night .. He permitted himself to enjoy the love and attention..._

_\- He needed me and I failed to deliver. I failed to live up to his expectations .. Who am I to claim that I love him, when I don't even have the needs to assure him of safety, love and acceptance?_ </i>

Mark dug a hand in his pocket, now staring blankly at the lifeless and pitch black screen of his cell phone. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he had to. He needed to .. It had to be done.

_Sean couldn’t take any more of this. He had been so cruel to Mark .. And the guy deserved better.. He deserved so much more. He deserved it to be and feel loved .. He turned to Mark, pushed hem against the back support of the couch and pressed a kiss onto his lips. As the man eyed him in surprise, Sean smiled softly._

_“I just .. wanted to let you know, that you are loved. That .. that’s all.”_

_\- If we are about to meet our end, we might as well have a graceful one.._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the ones that don't know half of these people, let me enlighten you :
> 
> Miniladd - Craig Thompson.  
> CinnamonToastKen - Kenneth Charles Morrison.  
> Pewdiepie- Felix Arvin Ulf Kjellberg.  
> Jacksepticeye - Sean McLoughlin.  
> NateWantsToBattle / Nathan Sharp - Nathan Smith.  
> VanossGaming - Evan Fong.  
> UberHaxorNova - James Richard Jr.  
> Muyskerm - Bob Muyskens.  
> LordMinion - Wade Barnes.  
> iamwildcat - Tyler.  
> Lui Calibre - Lui.  
> RPGMinx - Michelle.  
> Yamimash - Aaron Ash.  
> Daithi De Nogla - David Nagle.  
> Game Grumps - Danny - Arin, Barry.  
> Jontron - Jon Jafari.  
> MattPatt - Matthew Patrick.  
> Cyndago - Ryan MaGee / Matt Watson

"Your face says it all, but despite that, I'm still gonna ask. How have you been holding up?"

Sean shrugged his slender shoulders in response. He felt Ken's harsh, yet worried eyes nearly burn a gaping hole through his very soul. And he could not blame the man, shit had been tearing him up, holding him air tight head lock, tossing him back and forth, to mercilessly squash him down to earth like a bug. Yet he did not felt like he needed to be that vocal on the topic. Drama is what makes the world go round, so he reasoned - since it already got plenty of that- it didn't need any more.

"Fine, I guess. The heart throbbing pain diminishes as time goes on.. I took my recovery time to prep for PAX instead."

The American man furrowed a set of bushy eyebrows, creating a deep wrinkle amid his forehead. Sean was obviously trying to disguise denial as productivity. Poor kid..

"You do know it will be impossible to avoid him at PAX, right?"

"I have no desire to avoid him." Came Sean's harsh sounding voice. He locked his eyes with Ken's for a moment, before continuing. "I'm done playing hide-and-seek."

Ken licked his lips, not sure whether to continue the eye-lock he currently had with the Irishman.  
"Do you think you are ready for that confrontation? After all that has been and probably never will be again.."

A pair of shimmering blue eyes lost their light as soon as those words were spoken, yet he remained motionless.  
"You said it yourself. 'It has been', so it no longer is." Sean lowered his head, bringing his hand to his left arm. "We now have a chance at beginning with a clean slate." He traced the length of his lower arm with his fingertips, gaze intentionally glued to the patches of milky white skin. "Granted, it still hurts, and I know that feeling will never seize to exist, but I'll overcome it.."

A smile took over the brunet's face. "I like that mindset, bro. GG!" He gave the green haired individual a thumbs up over the webcam. He then tilted his head a little, taking in the essence of his Irish friend. "Does Felix know yet?"

"About?"

"Your trilogy of heart ache.. I thought Felix was your fucking shadow. Where you go, he follows."

Sean felt nervousness taking over his slender frame, thus dug his fingernails into his skin.  
"He does not! And for you to even say that, is irony and hypocrisy at its finest." He then breathed out a sigh, never tearing his gaze away from his arm and the many bracelets worn around its bony wrist. "I've told him bits and pieces. He doesn't know anything more than you do."

"How did he react?"

A crooked smile peaked at the left corner of Sean's mouth. "Similar to you. At first he was pissed at Mark, eager to confront him on the matter .. But we both know what Felix is like. He jumps to conclusions before knowing the full story.."

Ken smiled. "He means well. He cares about you. We all do."

Sean looked up into his webcam, which was virtually equal to looking into Ken's dark eyes.  
"I know- and appreciate that."

"We've got your back, man. Even at PAX, I'll kick Mark's ass if the moment calls for it."

Sean didn't have any reason to be faithless towards Ken's words. He was fully aware of Ken's kind and gentle nature, and his ability to beat anyone standing in his way to bloody pulp. This engagement from his American Toasty friend warmed his pained, worn and exhausted heart.

A chuckle. "But you like Mark. You guys are tight .."

The bearded man nodded in affirmation, a stern look present in his, otherwise, compassionate eyes.  
"Tight as can be, I fucking love that guy. But you are my little brother, we've established that years ago. And .. I'm on your side on this one."

"There are no sides, Ken .."

"My point was clear, was it not?"

Sean brought his hand to his forehead, much like a soldier would. "Sir, yes sir!"

"Besides .." Ken started. "Mark is a strong guy. He can take care of himself."

Sean frowned, shaking his head. "You're not exactly wimpy, Ken.."

"I meant emotionally, Jack."

And with that, Sean looked straight into the webcam with a grateful look in his moist eyes.

* * *

 

"Open up the blinds, Mark.. You're living like a damn hermit.. " Matt exclaimed as the pushed the blinds up and cast a look out of the window left hidden behind them. A tattered, deteriorated and melted heap of snow caught his attention. "Is that .. a snowman?" He pushed his nose against the window, placing his hands against the glass as he leaned in closer. "Or what remains of it." Mark pulled his knees up a little higher, giving him the ability to pull his blanket up a tad higher, creating motion for him to snuggle his nose against the soft, warm and comforting fabric. "That used to be Billy Steve." The origin of the sudden voice, caused the skinny young man to turn around and face his friend/ employer. "You built it together?" The black haired man nodded. "Sean insisted on it. ..I could not resist that face. You know I'm easily swayed by sad faces."

He honestly could not. At that period of time, he would've jumped down a cliff with pointy rocks, straight into a shark infested tank of water.. Oh, love.. What is it that you do to our common sense? A goddamn snowman, and not even such a small print was permitted to remain. Just like their love, it wasn't meant to be nor leave clear traces. All awaiting being erased eventually.

"Do you know anything about his current whereabouts?" The blond asked as he placed his arms behind him, as he leaned on the windowsill. Mark remained motionless, sniffing the remaining scent of fabric softener. "I don't want or need to know." His eyes found Matt's. "He left with a reason, might I remind you. If he wanted me to know, he would've told me by now."

"You haven't been in contact ever since he left?"

Mark shook his head. "I respect his wish to be left alone." It left Matt shaking his head with a sigh. "What about your feelings, Mark..? It can't just all be about what's in Jack's best interest." The Asian man held onto his blank facial expression, clutching the blanket in his hands. "It can and it will be. That's what I want." Matt seated himself next to Mark on the couch, a frown decorated his forehead in full glory. "Goddamn it, Mark.. This isn't right. You matter just as much. A fight holds two participants." A halfheartedly smile peaked at the corners of the 26-year old's lips, yet it missed its meaning completely. He missed the ball with that one completely, Matt had to admit. "We're not in a fight." Mark said calmly. "There's nothing to fight about."

"Listen.." Matt spoke softly, placing his hand on Mark's leg. "If you are willing to accept the fact that it's officially over, that's fine by me. That shows courage and a set of huge iron balls. But if you are smart enough to embrace reality, you should also be smart enough to move the fuck on." He locked his eyes with Mark's. "Stop dwelling in the past and get your shit together, Mark. Pick your life back up where you've left it off." Matt bit his bottom lip. "I'm sure Jack is doing the same .. As he should." He nodded acclaiming. As if he were trying to motivate Mark to take his words to heart and reconsider his current lifestyle.

Mark just gave him a nod of the head. "I will. In time."

Matt's gaze softened. "..Promise?"

Another nod from the Korean. As an act of affirmation, he placed his hand over Matt's. "Trust me, I'm a doctor. I know what's best."

The blonde watched their hands a he chuckled cheapish. "I will take your word on it then. So .. Don't you dare disappointing me, Markimoo.

Mark smiled warmly. "Noted."

* * *

 

Another day, another Skype conversation. It sure seemed that ever since Sean told Felix and Ken about his relationship issues at hand, that both men felt called for to aide to his rescue. And when Ken succeeded in being somewhat subtle, Felix failed miserably, asking away without any sense of shame.

"Say .. Jack?" The voice of the loud-and-proud Swede reversed, claiming the Irishman's full attention. Sean saw how Felix put on a set of reading glasses, a common sight recently among YouTubers. -- Then again, spending half of your life in front of a screen, eyeballs mere inches away from the artificial lighting, would explain poor eyesight as an eventual result. Felix pulled it off, much like Bob, Ken and Mark, despite the fact that Sean didn't know any better. He pretty much got introduced to these glasses-wearing men from the get-go.

The Irishman watched his Swedish friend and colleague stir his coffee, before taking a sip.  
"Tell me when I'm crossing a line here .." Felix looked up, straight into his webcam. "But .. you and Mark were like .. a legit couple, right?"

Sean could only nod. "I guess you could say that." The 26-year old shamrock then noticed the Jacksepticeye mug Felix held in his hands - yet was interrupted by its owner before he could even make a remark on this discovery.

"So .. you guys had sex at some point, yes?"

Feeling somewhat caught in the act, Sean frowned. "Yeah .."

Felix' powder blue eyes lit up, and the corners of his mouth rose instantly. Mischievous little Swede..  
"Tell me everything, man. We're bros! I've told you lots of things about Marzia.."

Sean bit back a frown, perhaps even a face of disgust. Not that he felt wronged, or his flaws and errors had been pointed out blatantly, yet some line was sure to be crossed with the exchange of such information. He watched the Swede on screen eye him, awaiting, almost childlike. Innocent and filled with wonder. Sean snorted. Felix Kjellberg, one of the biggest pervs walking around on this planet.

"Dude .. Why do you even want to know about these things? You're straight as fuck, even though there is much speculation, and I'm starting to see why." Sean combed his fingers through his neon green locks. "You've got an adorable girl back there. Why do you need visuals on two naked men? Friends of yours, on top of that .."

The blonde smiled mischievously. "Being straight doesn't make it illegal for me to inform on same-sex relationships." The man ran a finger along his jawline, and rested it on the patch of skin in between where his jaw ended, and earlobe began. "And I agree, Marzia is a little fox. But I wouldn't mind watching you, Mark or any other of my friends undress before my eyes." He grinned once more. "You especially, Jackie. You have always been my favourite." Then the Swede lent back in his chair, taking another sip of his coffee. "Oh, have you noticed? I bought some of your merch." He lifted the mug up in the air, bringing it towards his webcam. "I really like that black, green and blue combo. Septiceye Sam really has a nice shade of green. You don't see that color very often.."

Sean chuckled into his fist. Felix was such a doof.. A damn doof.

"Thanks. It's nice to know that you think of me when you sustain your caffeine addiction. And .. that I fancy your perverted tastes in humans. Very comforting."  
The blonde grinned widely. "You're my bro, bro. Besides .. I dropped Mark and Cry"s mugs just last week. I'm such a clumsy bitch, can't even hold onto a damn mug properly. Guess the force within me is just far too great to handle simplistic objects.."

" **Suuuure** ya ' _dropped_ ' Mark's mug."

As soon as Felix caught on to the devious grin present on Sean's unshaven face, his eyes widened.  
"I did! I'm not that much of a resentful bitch. I bear no grudges against Markimoo. Despite all of the shit you guys have been going through as of lately, he's still a bro .."

"Don't ye dare drop mine, though!"

"I'd never! But uhm .. Continue, fine Irish brother."

Felix found Sean's confused gaze, thus felt the need to explain. "Fooling around with the high and mighty, sexy, Godlike, Asian/German, Mark Edward Fischbach." Felix's eyes narrowed a bit. "Lots of girls probably envied you. Especially ever since his Fischbach-ness is getting buff as fuck .." He licked his lips seductively as he gazed off into the distance. "That guy's upper body, those arms.. I almost believe that he could actually crush a baby's skull with his bare hands."

His face then dropped, and a set of blue eyes traced towards his webcam, staring sternly into Sean's identically colored eyes. "What was it like? Was he rough, gentle? And tell me all about that Asian dick! Are the stereotypes true?"

Sean watched his friends bouncing up and down in his desk chair, and shook his head.

"Calm the fuck down, will ya? I don't know .. Mark's body .. a solid 10.. Not that I am that shallow or anything! I .. I don't know .. Mark was never rough with me, really ... He's more .. tender, careful, caring. I .. don't know." Sean's cheeks turned a bright red color, and his body heated up like nobody's business. "The .. Asian dick stereotype is utter shite.. It doesn't apply to Mark at all .."

Felix started clapping his hands ecstatically. "Oooooh! So Mark is a sensitive bro? So adorbes.. A sensitive bro with a Ph.D!'

The Irishman averted his gaze, as he turned his desk chair slightly. "Sh .. Shut up!"

Then, out of the blue, without a single warning, the Swede dropped the hammer.  
"Do you miss him?"

"You know I do." Sean spoke softly, as he bit his bottom lip, and played with the baggy sleeves of his black hoodie.

"Then we'll try to have a great time at PAX together. I'm sure Mark holds nothing against you, and he'd be more than happy to see you again. I certainly will be!"

When Sean looked at his screen, he saw Felix grinning widely. He smiled as well.  
"Yeah, it's been way too long .."

* * *

 

_I know that I won't be able to avoid him. We will reach the same destination, we'll experience the same sense of joy upon once again seeing some of the faces we haven't seen in such a long time. We'll probably eat the same foods, laugh with the same usual bullshit, and feel the same exhaustion at the day's end. -- My reflection in this plane's little window, my face looks kind of sad. My hair is losing its color, it's almost faded completely. What remains is a hoarse shade, a hue close to lifeless green. Green .. a color related to hope, endurance and harmony.. What a joke. A laughable matter if you ask me.. Some even mentioned that my eyes were slowly losing their light. I honestly don't know how to phantom such statements, they go way over my head, and I do not comprehend their meaning._

_\-- Los Angeles, so many memories tied to that place. Strange in a way, yet it makes perfect sense. We both travel, sure we don't travel the same lengths, or even for the same amount of time - but we both leave our safe havens. Maybe the kilometres are so different, literally and figuratively miles apart, as they might attempt to symbolize the inner journey we both have been on individually. Then again.. Off nothing am I certain anymore. My mind is constantly flooded with thoughts, words, letters, sentences, faces and certain doom. Yes, there are little glimmers of hope, awaiting their life course and if they may, or may not be blessed with a chance to exist any longer._

_I clench my phone in my hand, smiling stupidly at the short video Ken had sent me earlier this morning. He was already at PAX, and with Felix he had recorded a small video message for me. I liked to see it as a warm welcome to America. Ken and Felix being their usual goofy selves, acting out all kinds of physical and perverted **bromance shite** , touching each other in inappropriate places and ways, their lips even nearly touched at one point. Naturally the video ended with both men laughing their asses off and telling me they couldn't wait to see me. The usual shit I expect from these fuckers. But I welcomed it, to be honest, I needed to spend some time with some familiar faces other than Mark or Lillian. -- Ken would go out of his way to ensure I would relax and have a good time, get Mark off of my mind for the short time together awaiting all of us - Felix would do the opposite, I was sure of it. He would play the Devil's Advocate, trying to make sure Mark and I would end up together eventually. Felix wanted nothing more than to get me and Mark together again, heck, if it weren't for me and Mark, I'm sure Felix ships us even more than anyone else._

_\-- Somehow I feel homesick already, and I haven't been near my home in months, almost two years. Crazy how time goes by so fast .._

* * *

 

"And there he is: The king of the Squirrels!"

Mark shook his head, laughing sheepishly as he leaned down to hug a row of fellow YouTubers. Bob and Wade sat in the corner, discussing something that wasn't even remotely interesting enough for Mark to ask about, so he seated himself near Ken, Felix, Nathan and Evan. Conversations started shortly after, adding to the already predominant sounds echoing through the huge building. After a moment Ken and Felix found each others doubtful expressions. They gave each other a short nod of the head, got up, excused themselves and sneaked towards the main exit.

Huge lines were still forming at the entrance doors, but the sudden addition of cheering and female screams, indicated their believes. Sean had arrived. Both men squeezed through the crowds, pushing through, against and past many separate limbs and body parts, excusing themselves with the random times their hands cupped a boob or a leg.

"JACK! WE'VE COME TO ESCORT YOU!" Felix shouted above the surrounding noises of the immense audience. Ken jumped up and down excitedly, waving his arms. Once Jack noticed these two goofballs, he slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead.

" _Jaysus_ .. Please, no." He strengthened the grip around his shoulder bag, smiling in a half-assed manner when he saw the two men approach. Felix wrapped an arm around his slender shoulder, whilst Ken cramped him in a near-smothering-to-death embrace. "Jackie!We'll sneak you in, come with us!" Sean shook his head. "Guys, guys. Calm down, will ye? I have to announce my presence with the hosts, and register at my booth first. Then we can hang out, _kae?_ "

Both Ken and Felix exchanged some looks before they finally agreed and gave in. "Aight. You do that, we're located at Evan's booth. Once you're done with the administrative crap, you come find us, okay buddy?"

"Yeah, I'll see you it a bit."

* * *

 

Sean smiled as he was greeted by some of his closest friends. Somewhat peculiar in a way, to think that he had looked up to and almost worshipped some of the people, that he was now able to call friends. Friendly faces surrounded him, wide smiles and shimmering eyes. Each and every one begging for an embrace, and he was happy to oblige to their wishes. Ken, Felix, Evan, Nathan, Nova, Bob, Wade, Craig, Tyler, Lui, Minx, Aaron, David, Jon, Danny, Arin, Barry, Matthew, Ryan, Matt .. So many people, all expected, all respected, all welcomed. All but one ..

"It doesn't surprise me that all of you fuckers remain single.." Tyler mumbled, searching his pockets for his pack of cigarettes and presumably the corresponding lighter. His comment earned a frown from the young man seated directly next to him. "Shut up, Pig face. We are busy men, we've got no time for steady relationships!" Tyler chuckled ever so slightly rubbing the palms of his hands across the rough fabric of his baggy jeans. He turned to face his friend, the left corner of his mouth aching to form a devilish grin. "Busy how, Evan? You'd think if David managed to stick his dick in a woman with her consent, anyone'd be able to. But fuck, how wrong I turned out to be.." At the opposite end of the circle of testosterone filled men, Felix nodded affirmative. "I applaud that comment, Tyler. If a Swedish loser like me can do it, those Asians should have no trouble whatsoever."

Evan and Nate exchanged some looks, to eventually shake their heads with a fit of giggles. "I thought you had a girlfriend, Evan. Whatever happened to that broad? You kill her and disposed of the body?" Evan shifted his gaze towards one of his closest friends, shrugging his shoulders in a matter of factly. "That's for me to know and for you to ponder upon." He then smiled. "Nah, things didn't work out between us. And now this Canadian bonehead is back on the market." This comment cut past Ken's eardrums and he raised his head, turning it towards the source of these spoken words. When his dark eyes traced and found Evan Fong, he grinned. "HANDSOME, GODLIKE, AND EXTREMELY WEALTHY ASIAN MAN FOR SALE! FOR A LIMITED TIME, 50% OFF ON HIS THREADBARE JOKES! CRAPPY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS INCLUDED! DON'T LET THIS OFFER PASS YOU BY, LADIES! THREE NATIONALITIES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! NOT ONLY IS HE CANADIAN, BUT HE'S A MIXED BREED OF CHINESE AND KOREAN GENES!" James laughed into his balled fist as he shook his head at the current event at display. "If you thought being Canadian wasn't bad enough, you'll get a combination of Korea and China all-in-one. Holy shit, spending the holidays with your relatives must be exhausting, Ev."

"I don't think it's so bad. Having the Asian beats not having the Asian. What do you have to say on the matter, Aaron?" The Englishman raised an eyebrow as he faced the blonde Swede. "I think you confuse me with another European YouTuber that had experience with Asian dicks." The circle burst into fits of laughter, and all heads were subtly turned towards the green haired Irishman, standing awkwardly near his booth, seated on the small wooden table leaf. The conversations among the group of men grew silent almost immediately, their minds all occupied with the exact same string of thoughts. Sean simply shook his head as he raised a hand to signify his resistance to answer any of those. Annoyed groans and grunts soon followed, and a number of low-breath swears and curse words.

"You betray your own kind, Jack. Shame on you, you green fuck." David spat half jokingly, crossing his arms and leaning back in his little plastic coated chair. In the corner of his eye, Sean noticed Felix crumbling a piece of paper, rolling it into a ball, before throwing it at the self proclaimed Irish Daithi, with the speed of a cheetah and the accuracy of an eagle. With a grunt, the dark haired man rubbed the spot on his forehead where the paper met his head. "What the fuck, **_Ulf_**? You want some? Because if you want some, you can get some." Grinning like a sixth grader, the blonde Swede had a hard time controlling his laughter jolting his shoulders sporadically. Much to Evan's, Ken's and Sean's amusement. "I want none of your Irish bullshit, thank you very much! I already have to deal with that shamrock's bullshit on a daily basis, I don't need your VANOSS bullshit on top of that!" Evan burst into tears, nearly choking in his hysterical laughter, as he patted his thighs in an attempt to restrain himself.

Tyler raised an eyebrow, lips pulled into a straight line. "The fuck is up with that one? What did I miss?" Craig, seated next to Tyler, bit back a grin. "THE IRISH ARE INVADING! THEY'LL BE CLIMBING IN YOUR WINDOWS, SNATCHING YO' PEOPLE UP, HIDE YO' KIDS, HIDE YO' WIFE! THEY GONNA FIND YOU!"

David and Jack locked eyes, a matching grin on their faces.

* * *

 

 

"There he is!"

Felix exclaimed excitedly, spreading both of his lean arms to engulf the half Korean YouTuber in a smothering embrace. With both men occupied with greeting one another, Ken took this open moment to take Sean aside. "You gonna be okay?" The Irishman smiled in a half-assed manner as he shrugged both shoulders haphazardly. "I'll be fine. I have to be. There's no way around this."

The broad 26-year old followed the circle formation in which most of his acquaintances were seated, showering them all with praise, and greeting them with a collection of heartfelt hugs. When he had passed Aaron Ashe, the Englishman turned his head in Mark's direction, eyeballs nearly popping out of their sockets. "Damn .. Mark sure has gotten big.." All eyes shifted towards said Korean man when he had reached out for most men, all but one .. -- This naturally caught the attention of the bold Swede, his blue eyes shimmering with anticipation for Mark and Sean's next move. He folded his hands, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Oooh ! _Tensioooon_!" Yet even before he could add anymore filth to the spoken words in his sentences, he felt a set of fingers grab a hold of his ear, pinching ever so delicately, yet hurting him nonetheless. "That's our cue to leave.." Screeching in a bat like fashion, the Swede allowed his American friend to drag him along. "Ouch! Goddamn it, _Kenneeeeth_!"

Sean bit his lip when he saw Mark take his first steps towards him. It was inevitable, yet Sean felt uncertainty taking over. He had longed to see Mark again after months without any kind of contact. To be able to look into those kind brown eyes, and hear that low bass voice speak his name. Perhaps .. even a little desire to feel his touches. But that's what it had been, a desire. A fantasy, a wisp of hope..

"Hey.."

That voice.. He wasn't given any proper time to think about it. Mark awaited an answer, did he not? He greeted him, all he had to do is precipitate that exact greeting.

"H-hey .."

_Real smooth, ye fuck.._

"How have you been?"

Mark killed it with that gentle, warm smile adorning his lips. This proved to be harder than Sean had anticipated for. His heart gestured or even tried to convince him that simply throwing himself onto the man would be considered totally fine. Feel his stubble rub over his cheeks, the sensation of his warm breath in his neck, the sound of his heartbeat mere inches away from Sean's ears .. He needed to snap out of it. Pronto!

"I'm alright, I suppose. You?"

"I'm good. You look goo .. I mean, .. yeah, you look good."

_Mark's smile .. Crazy how much it affects me at a time like this. I've seen him smile so often, even before we even befriended each other. Mark has always been known to be optimistic, to stand strong .. Laughter was his gift to mankind.._

The Irishman averted his gaze, scratching the milky skin on his left arm as he felt his cheeks heat up a little. "Thanks .. So do you."

It was almost as if Mark felt the uneasiness creep over the nervous and emotionally vulnerable Irishman. The dark haired man ran a hand through his painted red hair, and then seated himself next to his former lover. "Have you checked out any of the new games yet?" He let his eyes wander through the enormous crowds and almost nauseating piles of combined and contradicting colors moving around the centre. "N-no.." Sean spoke softly, imitating Mark's wandering gaze. "I just got here a short while before you did.." His eyes halted at the sight of his brand new sneakers. "But I will, eventually. That's part of why I'm here."

The Korean merely nodded, swinging his legs a little. "Maybe we .. you know, could check 'em out together." He turned to look at the green haired individual. "Goof around a little. For old times' sake.." A smile formed on his lips when he saw him nod. "Sure. Sounds fun." The approving facial expression on the Irishman's face changed upon the emerging growls coming from the pit of his stomach. Somewhat embarrassed, he placed his hand on his tummy. "Sorry .. I hadn't had the time to eat something before coming here." He sighed. "I swear sometimes, if my head weren't attached to my neck, I'd lose it." A moment of inner monologue reflected onto Mark's features, afterwards he jumped from the table leaf, onto both feet. "We could catch some grub if you want to." He showed a small encouraging smile. "I know a great fast food joint just up ahead.." Sean found Mark's eyes, then nodded. "Okay. Lead the way I'd say."

"Alrighty then." Mark said, throwing an army green colored winter coat towards the Irishman. "It's still pretty cold outside. I don't want you to catch a cold." He then said as a matter of fact. Sean could only stare in awe and dumbfound blink a number of times. Realization then hit Mark like the back of a hand and he flinched out of the familiarity. "I'm sorry.. Old habits never die, right?" He shrugged as to make his point any clearer. "I've been so used to mothering you for the past two years.." Covering his slender body with the warm coat, the Irishman smirked. "No problem.. I appreciate your concern." He draped a white scarf around his neck and covered most of his neon green locks with a white woollen beanie. "Gimme a minute.." He then said as he looked around searching for something specific. "I think I left some of my shit at Ken's booth.." He attempted to look past, through and over the gathering piles of human limbs, so he could trace down said man's stand. His eyebrows arched when he found it alas. "I'll be right back." He shouted, squirming his way through the intimidating ant piles. "I'll wait for you at the back exit then."

As Sean approached the American's booth, he looked around for his bag, almost jumping when he found it in a pile of lingering clothes on the floor, hidden behind the booth itself. The bearded YouTuber watched his friend gather his wallet and a pack of chewing gum, and leaned in, nearly bending completely, and laying sprawled out on the table leaf. "Talk in motion?" From his squatted position, Sean looked up with one eyebrow raised. "We're gonna grab a bite somewhere.." He got up and disposed his belongings in the coat's pockets. "Having a conversation will be inevitable." Ken smiled gingerly. "You know what I've told you, lil' bro." The Irish YouTuber nodded affirming. "I'll keep that in mind bro." The two men embraced each other, before Sean took a run for it, and headed for the back entrance doors.

* * *

 

A smile was present on Mark's lips when he saw a little ball of green coming closer. The man had hoped for this day ever since Sean decided to gather his belongings and make a run for it. For months in a row, connection and contact between both men was near non-existent. His desire to break the silence overcame his common sense, which had steadily convinced him that Sean needed some time to himself. Just to set things straight in his mind, get his thoughts in check and get his overall shit together in the end. As soon as Sean got close enough, Mark started walking down the brick-laid path leading away from the PAX building. From the corners of his eyes, the Asian man noticed the Irishman fidgeting with his scarf, pressing his little rounded nose deeper into the fabric. "Fuck .. Seriously man, I can't wait for Summer to arrive.." True words since the breeze cut past the limited patches of bare skin, sending goosebumps up and down in every direction imaginable. Merry memories of the holiday season spent in each others company, Christmas especially, flooded back to the dark haired 26-year old, as he carefully watched his ex-lover. "Remember how I used to .."

Upon rethinking his steps and words forming in his dazed brain, Mark decided to shake his head, as he continued walking with both hands buried deeply in the pockets of his winter coat. Regardless of Mark flinching out of familiarization, Sean nodded. "You used to hug me real good. Sometimes up until the thin line between embracing and smothering would fade." He voiced a laugh. "Your hugs were warm and inviting. So, thanks for the ones that I've gotten so far." Mark's smile soon matched Sean's bright but innocent one. "They're free after all." In response, the green haired man flashed a smile. "Fortunately they are, yeah."

With buildings and little city ornaments passing them by as they walked, Mark turned his head to the Irishman. "Hey.. Haven't you noticed anything different about me?" Sean watched the concrete sidewalk almost crawl away from his steady pace, or was it Mark's? Who decided on the speed of their little walk? It was left undecided, yet the little blades of grass peeking their heads from the borders and corners of some floor tiles, occupied his mind. Little shads of green between a predominating grey area.. Wasn't there a hidden message or meaning behind such a view? Sean kept his gaze on the cement tiles, furrowing his bushy eyebrows as he answered Mark's lingering question. "Besides the fact that you have dyed your hair for a millionth time over the last two years, not really.." And although Sean was unaware of the change in Mark's facial expression, the Korean frowned harshly, his mouth hanging open just a little. "It's the winter clothing, I tell ya!" Once the few occurrences of nature in between the cement had met its end, and all a pair of blue eyes were left with was a line of crooked and misaligned cement tiles, Sean decided to turn his head in Mark's direction.

"Did I not for see that you'd dye your hair in all of the primary colors? I told you you were gonna dye them red next, and you fucktard, actually do it!" A set of dark eyes widened. "I had to! Blue is Felix' mascot color, green is yours, that leaves red and yellow. And .. The faded pink was pretty much an ugly shade of yellow. So I went with the red. I love it! Don't you? It's such a .. -" "- Such a cool shade of red. Yeah, I've seen your video on it." Sean replied bluntly, rolling his eyes as to emphasize his annoyance on Mark's childlike antics on changing hair colors. "And to think that people think I'M narcissistic and vain for spamming my Twitter account with selfies. You used the empty slot for one of your two daily videos to upload a video solely dedicated to your new hair color." Sean grunted, shaking his head while he did. "If that's not the figurehead of vanity, I don't know what is .."

Closing his eyes while laughing, Mark voiced his agreement and amusement, both at the same time, with just two single gestures. "Well, my hair does have a fandom of its own. And it needs to be fed." Sean couldn't deny that to see Mark smile again, warmed his heart. Even in the littlest, tiniest bit. "I swear to God, if ya keep bleaching your hair, you're gonna end up bald prematurely." He locked his powder blue eyes with Mark's chestnut ones. "And believe me, bald would not be a good look on you." Mark's eyes traced away from Sean's serious, stern look on his face, to land on the passing coffee shops shortly. "Hmpf!" He breathed, crossing both arms. "My hair is legendary! It's magical! It has no weaknesses." The 25-year old simply shook his head. "Except staying in shape.. Or holding onto its dye for more than a damn week.."

"Hey! Hair dye fades! It's not like you've never uploaded crap with your faded green floof in it!"

"You dye your hair, and a week after it's already faded! How many times a week do you wash your damn hair?!"

".. Every two days."

"Suck me onions .."

Then without warning, Mark grabbed a hold of Sean's small bicep, turning him towards a small but cozy looking diner. "Over here!" As the men entered the joint, and the combination of dozens compiled and mixed conversations met their eardrums, Sean stuck his nose in the air, taking in the smell of grease. "Oh, that Godlike smell .. Greasy goodness, fatty substances to clod all of your arteries with." A few surprised faces met Mark's eye as he scanned their surroundings. "I'll take our orders, why don't you pick a place for us to sit?" Imitating Mark's movements, a nice and abandoned seat near the window caught Sean's eye. "Aight. I want a cheeseburger with extra molten cheese and pickles." His eyes swiftly dashed over the menu again. "Oh, oh! And I want a large Coke with ice." As soon as Mark gave him a thumbs up, Sean seated himself, ridding himself from the dreadful winter clothing.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently there has been a little bit of confusion going around among you guys ..  
> Confusion regarding the two year change ..
> 
> It's really not that hard to understand or come by.  
> They had been in a relationship for close to 8-9 months. (I count this as a year)  
> They have been living together for 4 months before they got together.  
> And they have been 'apart' for another 5,5 months.  
> Add these up and you get another 10,5 months. (Which I count as another year)
> 
> Although not together for 2 complete years,  
> and only officially 'dating' for 9 months, they have loved each other for 9 months  
> \+ another 5,5 months without 'being together'. -- 9 + 5,5 = 15 months and a half. (that ,5 = 6m)  
> Which equals a year and 9 months, which is almost 2 years.
> 
> And all couples say 2 years, when in reality it has only been a year and a half.  
> Because that's what humans do.
> 
> Now what did we miss?  
> Probably time jumps that I did not include, I did not include dates within the parts that I have uploaded.  
> But Sean and Mark had been living together for 4 months without being in a relationship.  
> The relationship started 4 months after they first moved in with each other.
> 
> We missed birthdays. We missed Sean's birthday at a timeline of 1 year and 9 months now,  
> we are just past Sean's birthday. Thus he's 26 now.
> 
> We missed Mark's birthdays, Mark's being before Sean moved in (26),  
> and one in the beginning of the first 9 months of the second year. (27)  
> I know I said him to be 28, but I'll go easy on you guys and put him up for 27 from now on.
> 
> Everything cleared out now? Are we all on the same page again? Things make sense now?

Two trays were placed on the small, colorful wooden table. A black winter coat was hung over the back support of the leather saloon-type couches, and a broad shouldered man seated himself on that exact spot. "WAIT!" He shouted before grabbing a hold on his companion's slender lower arm. "Before you start munching and filling your tummy .. Do you see it now?" The younger male raised a bushy eyebrow, not certain on what point Mark was trying to make here. "What is it that I should be seeing exactly ..?" Mark just narrowed his eyes.

"Look at me!"   
"I am looking at you!"

"Look closer!"  
"Okay .. looking closer .."

"Look even _closelyer_.." ~~_(5 Meadon points for whomever gets this reference)_ ~~

"MARK!" Sean shouted in frustration as he furrowed his brows. The slightly older male breathed out a sigh, and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. "C'mon! Don't tell me that you don't see it! It's right in your face!" The man brought his face a little closer to that of the Irishman's and grinned whilst supporting his chin on both hands. "Much like other big parts of me have been in the past .." Not even remotely delighted by that comment, the green haired individual crossed both arms against his small chest. "Ha .. Ha.." His sarcasm left the Korean man unfazed as he once more brought up the topic of change. "Do you see it now?" A pair of blue eyes scanned the perfect canvas seated in front of him. "Your arms?"   
He caught a slight glimpse of the corners of the man's mouth raising, and tiny wrinkles appearing around his eyes - So he continued.

"Yeah, they're big. Then again, they always have been.." The twinkle in a pair of chestnut colored eyes disappeared instantly, and a set of lips curved into a disappointed, even somewhat hurt, or taken aback pout. "Yeah but .. They're a bit bigger now .." Sean stared at the man, somewhat dumbfounded. ".. They are?" - "Are they not?! I've been told that they were.." Mark jumped to his defence almost immediately. "Can I feel? Maybe I'll _feel_ the difference rather than seeing it .." Mark's sly grin made another appearance as he nodded vigorously. "Sure. Have a feel." He spoke, tightening the muscles of his bicep. As Sean placed his hand on Mark's upper arm, his body stiffened. "Damn .. You're right. They do feel a bit .. harder." The grin on the 28-year old's face widened. "You like?"

"Sorry?" Sean spoke softly, looking intensely into Mark's almond shaped eyes, and retracting his arm when he noticed how close the both of them had been sitting towards each other. Mark took one fry, nibbling on the fried snack. "You like the fact that I'm trying to get into shape?" He had to avoid Mark's eyes for a while, just a little bit. Long enough to get his shit back together. "Uhm .. I guess. It's good for you that you're taking good care of yourself." He said as he stuffed his mouth full with fries.

"Sean!"  
" _Fwhaht_?"

The Korean Youtuber shook his head dismissively. "You need some good mothering.. Now more than ever." Placing a red straw between his lips, the Irishman flashed the older one a middle finger. Grinning like a mad man, Mark leaned in closer to press the tip of his tongue against one of Sean's salt covered fingertips. "Salty!' With a facial expression matching his friend's, Sean pulled his hand back to wipe the remaining salt off on his jeans. "You filthy fuck!" Mark simply shrugged. "Never heard you complain before about me licking parts of your body."

Upon hearing those words leave Mark's mouth, the green haired man felt a certain piece of food going down his trachea - and started coughing uncontrollably. "Holy shit .." He panted in between raging coughs. "I'm gonna die!" Without giving it a second thought, Mark jumped from his seat and started patting Sean's back. "You okay? Take slow breaths. Please don't die on me, **boseog** .. ( _gem_ )" As soon as the Irishman caught his second breath, he rashly reached for his cup of soda, took a few sips and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Holy shit .." He said, still somewhat panting. "I thought I was a goner there for a second!" Mark flashed a warm, caring smile - looking somewhat relieved himself. "You gave me quite a scare, Sean.. You sure you are alright?" The 26-year old wiped his eyes again, yet nodded affirming. "Yeah .. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm breathing."

When both men seated themselves again, Mark shifted a stern, yet loving gaze at the younger one. "Don't stuff your mouth again, and chew properly, okay?" The younger one flashed a cheap grin. "Yes, Ma. I'm Sorry, Ma."

"I just ca.. Just be careful next time you decide to commit a near suicide in my presence."  
"Aye, ma. Sorry, ma. Will never try to choke myself with food again, Ma."

The 28-year old let his gaze wander towards the Irishman, than back to his food.   
"You'll be missed by many, 's all I'm sayin.."

* * *

 

"It's been 5 and a half months since I last saw or heard from you, and the first thing you do on our first reunion is almost die.." Mark spoke softly, fidgeting with the pile of fries placed in front of him on the lacquered red table. He heard Sean sigh ever so silently, yet he could not find it within himself to actually look at the guy. All kidding and nonsensical antics aside, he has desperately craved for Sean's presence - and once they did find each other again after all this time, all he could was act like a pesky jerk. "I apologize for being me. Is that what you want to hear?" When Mark finally dared to look up, he was met with Sean's lingering gaze. "I do not. It was meant as a .. Never mind. Are you .. enjoying your fries?" The Irishman bit back a grin as he took another sip of his sugared drink. "I was just joshing you, Mark. I know that I'm a moron, sorry for almost dying. And uhm .. It's nice to know that in what could've been my last minutes, you haven't changed your opinion on calling me a gem." A smile. Mark dug his fingernails deeper into the palm of his hand. "I shouldn't have .. I had no right to. It just .. Brain fart."

"I think it wouldn't be such a bad idea to finish up here and go back to the guys. They're probably wondering what's keeping us so long." Mark could already imagine what kind of ideas their minds would have come up with. Something sex-related, that was for damn sure. They wouldn't worry, being worried would be the last thing they'd do upon finding both Mark and Sean went missing. But the Korean nodded nonetheless, against his better judgment. Against his sense of free will. "Alright. Give me 10 more minutes and I'll be good to go. I'm not gonna risk choking for those fools." Sean just smiled and continued nibbling on his fries. "Mark ..?" The dark haired man looked up, nodding gently. "I wanted to thank you for helping me cheat Death.. " Widening his smile, the man shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't really do much other than patting your back."

* * *

 

Ken nearly jumped over the massive crowd when he saw Mark and Sean enter through the back exit. As he climbed, pushed his way, almost swam through the compilation of various body parts, he snatched the Irishman by the arm and dragged him to a more secluded, deserted area. "Details, man. How did it go?" Sean watched the bearded American in silence for a moment, to eventually end up shaking his head. "Nothing happened. We just grabbed a bite together. End of story." Love was such a complicated things, an occurrence bending the rules and blurring the lines. And the worst part, we had no say in it. It irked Ken. "Did you guys talk things out? Was it even brought up?" A head of green hair shook, and Ken groaned. "Ah, Jack, really now? Wasn't that the point of going with him? To have some alone time with the guy and set things straight?"

Sean couldn't help but sigh. He leaned against a nearby wall and rolled up the sleeves of his burgundy hoodie. "It's not as easy as you think. My mind gets crowded with possible things to say, and in the end, I just blurt out nonsense. I look him in the eye and all I want to do is avoid his direct line of sight for the remaining time within his presence." The brunette furrowed his thick eyebrows, rubbing his eyes as he did. "Any urges?" A smile, short-lived but there. "I had. I desperately wanted to touch him, but once I did .. I just froze and reality smacked me in the face with its bare hand."   
"You really need to discuss the topic, Jack. You can't keep avoiding it. It has to be brought up eventually."

If the sound could've been audible, Ken would've witnessed another crack being formed in the walls covering Sean's heart. As he felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes, the Irishman turned his head away, to bite his lip as hard as he could, in an attempt to hold back the sobs building up in his throat.

"Send him a text and ask him where he's staying. Go to his hotel and have a genuine, mature conversation with each other. Mark is just as emotionally fragile as you are, Jack. It's equally as hard for him as it is for you .. He won't hold any of this against you. Quite contrary, I'm certain he will be more than thrilled to finally get some things off of his chest."

A first tear gliding down a reddened cheek. Sean sniffed into the baggy sleeves of his hoodie. "I don't understand why it's so hard for me to just open up.. I want to tell him how I feel, I really do .. " He wiped another set of crashing tears. "I want to just hold him and not say a damn thing. I want to .. I want so much .. and I .. cannot express myself properly. I'm twenty-fucking-six years old .. And I'm acting like a fucking 15-year old high schooler.."

Ken placed a hand on Sean's slender shoulder and sent him an encouraging nod. "Just walk up to him and order him to take you with him to his hotel room. Once there, talk things through. And set your own pace. No rushing, nice and calm."

Sean nodded, flinching a little when Ken dried some of the wet streaks on his cheeks. "Clean yourself up a little. You can't face a crowd like this. Gets the rumor mill running, and we don't need any of that. Now go get your man, Jackaboy!"

* * *

 

Ryan nudged his friend in the side when he noticed an extremely nervous green puff of hair in the distance. "Mark, little gem rock awaiting your undivided attention." He got up, climbed over a pile of tangled pieces of clothing, bags, cups and cans of all kinds of foods and beverages. When he passed the Irishman he gave him a friendly nod and a little push that almost went unnoticed by the slender male, since his main focus had been on the cola-sipping Korean man.

Can held loosely between his legs, he smiled at the green ball of hair and motioned him to take a seat on the little fold chair Ryan had occupied a moment prior to his arrival. "Can't miss me?" He said grinning, handing Sean a can of Coke, which the man refused. "Mark .. Can we talk?" A set of brown eyes fixated themselves on a pair of powder blue ones. "Of course! What's on your mind?" Sean shook his head and tapped the Korean's knee gently. "I was thinking somewhere more private.. Somewhere quiet.." Realization suddenly hit the 28-year old, and his eyes widened as his mouth went agape.

"Naturally! No .. Of course! What was I thinking ..? So, where were you thinking on going? A bar or ..?"

"Our hotels might fit the description of 'quiet and calm'."

"Mine or yours? I share a room with Ryan .."

"Mine will do."

* * *

 

The door closed behind them with a loud _klang_. Mark let his eyes wander around the small hotel room, realizing that Sean probably had booked one of the cheaper ones to save on money. He never had been an upholder for unnecessarily spending money. Could you blame the guy ..? He watched the Irishman kick off his shoes, and throwing his keys on the small coffee table in the centre of the room. He ran a hand through the puff of freshly dyed neon green hair, locking his gaze on the scanning look on the Korean man's face.

"It's not much, but .. It's more than enough for me."

Mark nodded as he locked his eyes with Sean. "Bed?" A nod. Some quick footsteps and the smell of cheap deodorant penetrated his nostrils within mere seconds. The duvet moved ever so gently under the sudden movement of increasing weight and positions. Perhaps the change in atmosphere would have been a possibility if the thing were sentient. Sean was scratching his lower arms sporadically, indicating that his nervousness had taken on extremes. Red marks now covered his milky white skin, along with the faded white lines of broken skin. Mark placed his hand on the younger man's wrist, keeping him from digging his nails in the innocent skin again. "That's really unnecessary, Sean. You don't have to be scared .."

Blue eyes took in their reflection in a darker pair. He had never noticed the small speckles of a lighter shade amid the dark pools before. Mark's eyes never failed to express the exact emotion that his mouth or brain could not. How he had envied the man for this particular skill .. Mark's gentle touch felt warm on his skin, yet despite the familiar feeling, goosebumps spread across the patches of skin naked to the eye. He watched the man's hand, biting chunks out of his lower lip. So difficult, yet it shouldn't have been ..

"I'm sorry .. I can't help it. You kind of have this effect on me .. You always had."

With a thumb the Korean gently caressed the bruised skin underneath the palm of his hand. Anything to make the Irishman feel more at ease. Safe even .. Anything but the chaotic mindset that controlled him at the moment. "Mark .. You always go out of your way to help others .." Sean took the man's hand in his own and clenched his hand around it. "But .. Who is there to help you when you are in need?"

The buzzing sound of cheap lights resounded in the back ground, attaching itself onto a tense atmosphere, an vulnerable situation within a fragile relationship. The light could not filter its way through the grey monotone shaded drapes, it would touch the fabric, only for it to shatter and turn into lost dust particles. Hints of artificial light hit some of the metallic of iron objects held within these four walls, casting stripes of fading hues on the tiled floor.

"Up until now, I could always count on you. And that's not a reproach, it's really not."

"I have left you, yes. But .. I did that because you had emotionally detached yourself from me."

Creme colors adorned the surrounding walls. The color was so out of place in its current surrounding, that not even shadows were eager to touch it. Not even the light made an effort to go near the unsightly creation of ones fabricated tastes in decorating. Yellow gamma's combined with shades of non-existent color pallets .. The mere sight of it sent shivers down Mark's curved spine.

"I made mistakes and I take full responsibility for my actions. Yes, I drove you away .. As much as I resent myself for doing that .. I cannot undo my errors."

"When I left .. I had no clue where to go. I had given up my apartment in Ireland to come live with you ... And I wanted to stay close to you somehow .. So I went to Lillian. I held on to the hope that you would contact me eventually .. Yet you never did.. "

First signs of emotional damage exposed to the postiche insolation. They were deprived of their short life-span. Burgundy caught a family of astray droplets, giving it permission to sink into its core and find security within their final resting place.

Mark flinched at the mere sight. "I told myself that you needed time to yourself. I had the exact idea, to be honest. For you to make the first move .. And look at us now." He voiced a smothered laugh. It sounded almost unreal, forged in the literal sense of the word.

"I hated you for abandoning me. I hated you for what you had done to me .. For what you had made me feel and experience. I hated you for letting me fall in love for you .. I hated you because I couldn't get you out of my head .."

A sniff, darker shades of burgundy appearing on its predominating color.

"You couldn't possibly have hated me more than I did myself. But .. I loved you enough to respect your choice."

A shift in position, the covers on the bed wrinkled, causing folds to take over the little bits of perfection it held. Scaring away the smoothness they once were providing the out-of-place hotel room.

"So .. You wanted me to return?"

Mark turned his head in one swift motion, nodding vigorously. "You have no idea how much I've missed you. But .. I couldn't mutter the courage to call or text you. You .. needed to be alone, or that's the vibe you gave most people. Even on YouTube .. You were.. not Jack. You were Sean .."

"I felt like shit, Mark.. We both did.."

"I .. needed time to think things through. You know, concerning Daniels reaction. I hold my family's opinions in high regard, despite them being nonsensical or not. I honestly thought that I might've done something wrong .. But I did not. And once I came to that realization, I had lost the one thing I had been fighting for within myself. The one thing I had been fighting myself for all this time .."

His fingers caressed Sean's red knuckles gingerly.

"Our relationship had been so simple, that subconsciously, we made it so much more difficult. Just.. to give it more meaning."

Mark nodded silently. "It's not easy to love the one thing that you know is toxic."  
"How are we toxic to one another?" Sean's tear filled eyes traced Mark's stern gaze.

"I ..pressured you into ..identifying your feelings for what they might have been, and weren't at the time. I forced you into exploring depths you would have never gone near by yourself. Because of the pressure I had put on you to fulfill this ideal .. You started to doubt yourself, your qualities, your capacities .. Yourself. Once we were on the same page, there would be this one thing .. This one thing that would not have been a hurdle if we wouldn't pressure ourselves into rising above it. Overcome it by beating it in its own game .."

"No, you didn't."

"I forced you into forging attraction to a certain gender .."

"Mark .."

"I made you feel like shit. If .. If I hadn't been looming over you like a damn shadow, your sanity would've remained.."

A kiss. Simple, short-lived, but filled with raging, pent up emotions. Hands tugging at patches of clothing, folds increasing and decreasing with each rapid movement. Saliva exchanged within mere seconds, eyes closed and adjusting to a combined and shared darkness.

"Shut up for about 5 minutes."

Mark liked the remainders of Sean's saliva from his lips, closely watching the green haired individual as he turned towards him. "First of all, you did not pressure me. You never did, and even if you tried to, I would've punched you in the throat, believe you me. Secondly, I explored those depths because I knew you deserved to enjoy the same pleasures you made me enjoy. Give and receive is common etiquette. I did not question myself because I couldn't live up to your standards or a certain ideal I had envisioned for myself. I questioned myself because I am and always will be an emotional and damaged wreck. That's aside from our relationship. Did it effect it? Yes, maybe a little, but that was not your fault! And sure we faced hurdles and obstacles, but what couple hasn't? .. Look, in the last couple of months, I've been given a lot of time to think thoroughly. And I've taken my time to come to some realizations myself."

Sean's hand found Mark's again and they both smiled.

"It won't be easy to repair these cracks, we might not even be able to fix them. But .. we have learned from this experience. It has given both of us a serious wake-up call .."

"I .. love you. I never meant to hurt you .. "

"You know what? This bed is more comfortable that it looks.. If you want to, I'd like it if you would want to spend the night here. With me. I need .. I need to spend some time with you .. You alone. And it might sound a little selfish .. but I am in need of your undivided attention. I .. want to watch you fall asleep, make those silly faces in your sleep.."

Footsteps echoed in the hallway. Metal hitting the door frame, its lock or knob, either one would paint a clear image for both Sean and Mark to ignore. Darkness shrouded the confined space they were kept inside of. Aside from two calm and steady rhythmic breaths and the buzzing of the cheap hallway lighting, the room was dead silent.

_A gem is priceless, but considered to be rock hard. It might show cracks and even get damaged a little .. It will never seize to shine bright. Most keep it hidden from the world, but show it off, much like having the public eye pinch the owner to make sure it is really within his possession. Whatever value the world puts on the jewel, its true meaning is decided and given by the one holding it within his hands._

* * *

 

The first virgin rays of sunlight filtered halfway through the grey drapes, resulting in a poor attempt at creating sentient lighting. A collection of present dust particles arose, lifted up into the air to be lingering in mid air. Their journey downwards was ever so slow. It must have been in between 7 and 9 AM, Mark thought to himself when he heard the cleaning staff make their way down the hallway. Squeaking wheels indicated that the cart must have been overloaded with cleaning supplies, as it was dragged and pushed along the way. He turned his head to the right and caught a glimpse of the still sound asleep Irishman. Green strands of tangled hair hung messily in his face, covering most of its beauty. The man smiled at the sight on the little, fragile creature as it just laid there. At peace, engulfed in a deep slumber which he had so desperately craved for.

Ever so gently, he bent over his sleeping frame with the intention on pressing a butterfly kiss on his forehead, only for an opening set of powder blue eyes to startle him mid-movement. "What .. are you doing?" A cracking voice stated in between fits of lasting yawns. Mark sent him an apologetic look before he moved back to his assigned space in the bed. "Sorry if I woke you .. All I wanted to do was give you a little kiss."

The covers crumpled above the shift of position, green strands were pulled back with one swift hand motion. Two cracking sounds, the first coming from a set of vertebrae snapping back into position after the pressure of the air and fluid between them lowered. The second coming from a set of cervical vertebrae, after the uncommon movements of both neck and head. A final yawn was added to the mixture once the Irishman was done stretching. He eyed the watchful Korean, a smile tickling the corners of his dry mouth. "What?"

\- "Nothing. Just relishing in what I have been missing for quite some time." Mark said smiling. "Well .. We should _decen_ ourselves and head back to the convention. We're paid to show our faces, so we better do as we're told." Climbing over the heap of Korean man flesh, the Irishman emitted some grunts. Throwing his fists in the air as he was grabbed by two muscular arms and pulled against a broad chest. "Mark, C'mon now! Stop that.. We have places to be and shite to do.. " A childlike grin reached from ear to ear when the Korean man held him closely. "Just for a little longer .. Just in case."

* * *

 

"Sean, you're wanted at the VR stand. You apparently agreed to promote the thing, so they want you to show of some new games and explain the software it runs on.. "

Sean nodded at the man's request, following him closely as he escorted him through an impressive line of spectators leading towards the small, yet popular among many, VR stand. He was eagerly pulled onto the small stage, and humbly accepted the loud cheers and round of applause he received shortly after. All eyes were on him once he put on the headset and held the controllers in both hands. Just another day at work..

* * *

 

"Is my nose playing tricks on me or are you gradually going bankrupt?"

Aaron was found and recognized. His English accent never failed to amuse and fascinate Mark. Heck, it was one of the reasons he insisted on getting formal with the guy. Just hearing him say his name in his accented voice, was worth the effort. Come to think of it, Sean's accent accentuated the 'R' in his name more pronounced. The majority of his friends pronounced his name so casually, there was nothing special about it at all. But those European accents.. Goddammit, they were both a blessing and a curse to the weak Asian man.

"What are you even talking about?" Mark retorted, combing his hair into position with a number of digits. Yet to no avail, as the man's hair seemed to have a will of its own. And a fandom .. Oh the fandom of the floof. Never gets old. The Englishman sniffed the surrounding air once more, then nodded his head in affirmation. More for himself than Mark, really. "You smell like .. Wall-Mart deodorant. Not something I would expect from a Korean with expensive taste in cologne." Mark's brows furrowed, lips slightly pressed together, creating a thin line below his nose. "I'm not even wearing any scent. I literally just woke up 15 minutes ago. I took a shower and that's about it.."

"Don't bullshit me, Mark. I know that you always bring your own shower gel with you whenever you travel. Beats me why you'd even do something like that, your skin must be precious as all hell's worth, but even that's not coming close to the .. everyday smell that lingers on you today .." Aaron placed his hand at his jaw, stroking his index finger along his chin, as if to indicate, and amplify the idea that he was in deep thoughts on the so-called mystery.

"Did you hug a fan yet? No .. If you literally just woke up, you would avoid all living creatures instantly. No, that can't be it.. " A sigh was the response the brunet was graced with. "Go ask Sean. Maybe he'll know the answer to this dilemma. He often wears the cheaper brands of deodorant. Maybe his nose is trained in detecting and recognizing .. 'everyday' smells." And with that, the Korean walked towards his booth. Not even looking back to see the Englishman's face change into the spitting image of an epiphany itself.

* * *

 

"Felix! Don't you dare .."

"The legendary bear-beanie .. I have it in my hands. I'm running with it.."

"Get back here .. Give me the hat .."

"I'm running away now. There's already some distance between _uuuuss_ .."

"YOU GET BACK HERE YOU SWEDISH MEAT BALL !"

"GET REKT, AMERICAN BOY !"

"I'M GONNA HURT YOU SO BAD !"

"THIS SWEDE LIKES IT ROUGH! IF YOU MANAGE TO CATCH ME, I HOPE YOU'LL MAKE ME SCREAM."

"YOU SICK FUCK, KJELLBERG. GIVE ME MY GODDAMN HAT BACK! IT HAS POWERS BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION! YOU COULD NEVER HANDLE IT'S GREATNESS! YOU'RE TOO EUROPEAN AND NON-AMERICAN!"

"I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BEAR BEANIE EURO-STYLE, G.I. FUCKERNAUT!"

* * *

 

A pair of blue eyes watched a pair of brown ones, as their owner had him pinned against a wall, with both of his arms held above his head. He was screwed, and the Swede knew it all too well.  
He trapped his lip beteen a row of teeth. "I sincerely apologize for stealing the source of your power, oh great lord Cinnamon Toast."  
Both men never broke the eye contact, yet the brunet released the hold he had on the smaller man.

"Give it back and I'll spare your life."

Once the fuzzy bear-themed hat was safely returned to its rightful owner, Ken narrowed his eyes when he turned back to the Swede who breathed out a grateful sigh of relief. "And don't you ever dare to touch my hat again. Don't even think about it, don't even gaze at it. You are not worthy of its greatness."

A quick nod, a shirt was straightened and a hand ran through short blonde locks. "Understood. And, Ken?"

Once he felt the American almost burn holes through his very soul, a cheeky smile spread across his lips. "I promise I won't tell Mary about our little moment just now. Locked and sealed, key has been thrown into the pits of hell." Wrinkles appeared on the brunet's forehead. "Leave Delirious out of this, please. The guy has nothing to do with you tempting fate."

A frown. In a state of confusion, the Swede shook his head. "How do Delirious and hell correlate?" His eyes widened and a grin took over his features. "Oh .. I get it now. Yes, now it makes sense. I guess you could say the guy came straight from hell .." Ken sighed, rubbed both eyes in slight annoyance. "And you dare speak about Mary? Boy, you really do have a death wish, don't you?"

"I do not! Why do you hold that against me? We have discussed our relationships before. And the people that were in it." Another revelation dawned upon the blonde and in a moment of intense realization, he grabbed the American by the arms and dragged him away from the crowd. "Do not tell me .." Shadows loomed over the brunet, and if stares were bullets, the Swede would have been bleeding out right about now. "I won't tell you, because it's none of your Goddamn business, okay? You do you, and I do me."

"You are crazy to let a fox like Mary walk out of your life, man!"

"You think I didn't try to put up a struggle? We've been in a 4-year relationship and I loved her to death,  
but I'm not forcing or extending something that might not have been meant to be."

"What is up with women lately? First Marzia walks out on me, then Mary leaves you, and Jack almost lost Mark.. Are Youtubers no longer the sexiest beasts alive? Has all of it been a lie ..? It's the M! It's evil!"

* * *

 

"It has always worked for me, though. It's just a matter of .. knowing when and where to apply it."

Mark wiped the remainders of water from the corners of his mouth, turning towards the rest of the group.

"Do you guys make use of it? I know that we all do, it's part of the game, but .. Is it a recurring thing?" He flinched a little when he felt Sean's arm brush against his own, as he dropped himself back into his chair. Both men locked eyes briefly, which Sean eventually broke as soon as Evan's voice resounded.

"I think that Click bait is necessary in certain situations. Depending on the video, its length and its content of course." The circle broke into multiple discussions shortly after, filling the area with dozens of debating voices.

"Needles to say that you can't always rely on it, though." He turned his head in Delirious' direction, hearing the younger male snort in amusement, hoisting his arm in the air in an attempt to keep his beer from spilling. "Click bait is the shit." He revered his disturbing trademark hell-laughter, patting himself on the thy. "Who gives a shit about it anyway? We initially started doing Youtube to make money, because we were all broke as fuck and we needed to sustain our addictions." His comment received a chuckle and a shake with the head from the Chinese-Korean game engineer. "Not all of us are tied to drug use, Delirious. You're a big exception."

"Either way, money is what it's all about. The more money we make, the more we love our fans. That's the fucked up truth. I don't support that bullshit propaganda about Youtubers sincerely caring about their subs as 'people'. They are dollar signs with fucked up user icons." He cracked another hell-bound laugh, sipping his beer lovingly. That was Evan's cue to rip the bottle out of the Clown-like man's hand, avoiding the grabby arms coming his way. "I think you had quite enough, man. Once you start disrespecting the people that you care about the most, I know you are far gone." The crazed clown pouted sadly, resting his head in the palms of his hands. "I'm not that drunk .. I can still form and speak in coherent sentences. I takes a whole lot more to get this bastard on the clouds, Vanoss!" Yet the Asian man simply shook his head, placing the bottle on the ground next to his chair. "No more. Now stop moping and start actively interacting with us."

"The payment system Youtube is operating IS bullshit, though. 30 dollars per 2K views? That's just criminal .."

Jack laughed into his hand, aware of the fact that Mark was sitting uncomfortably close to him. Close enough to feel his body heat radiate onto his own skin. He could even feel the tiny hairs on the mans arm brush against his own. "Hasn't that been modified as of lately?" All eyes were now on the, to the public unknown, 'Cryaotic'. Some laughed, some sighed, some even grunted in disagreement. "No, seriously? Hasn't there been a modification to the actual payment system? The statistics are now automized .. The more eyes are on a video, the more income it generates. It's more or like a .. Popularity contest. If your video gets noticed by the automation, it generates more money. It's no longer stats that matter at this point.." - "Put a fucking sock in it, White Face. You're full of it!" Evan smacked his arm against the clown-faced Youtuber, avoiding some responsive arm movements from his longtime friend and colleague. "The guy is right, by the way. Now shut up or you get no more beer .. I'll throw it in the crowd.." Delirious grinned unsightly at his Chinese-Korean companion, grabbing the young man's lower arm. "Please, do that! Just throw it at some bitches and baptize them in the name of Satan!" He emitted another disturbing laugh, biting his bottom lip afterwards. "Shut up! I will not. Are you completely disturbe -- .. **Never mind**.. That would be a rhetorical question. And it would open up Pandora's box .." The clown's grin only widened.

"In a two month span, I can surely raise close to 44.000 .." The group of men then burst out into affirming whispers and shouts. David nodded to himself. "44.000 .. I never got how you guys are able to have that amount of money .. And not look like rich fuckers." Mark and Jack both leaned in to answer the man's question, but kept their mouth shut upon the realization of their synchronized movements. "It's an estimated amount. It's never a rounded number, and it isn't consistent. One month can be up to 4.000, the next can be only 2.000. Youtube doesn't keep tabs on what they rightfully are obligated to pay us. They look at the statistics and calculate the amount of numbers. Hence, it's never a fair game. So all the 'what youtubers make a year' videos, are inaccurate as can be." Evan's answer earned some approval from most of the men, and a grunt from Delirious. "So Youtube is discriminating against Clowns? Fuck, I've never made more than 2K a month .."

"Maybe you should Click bait some more. Or show your face .. It's not that ugly."

David could avoid an incoming empty bottle just in time. "Hey .. It is what it is. You're no looker, but most of us just aren't. Aside from the pretty boys. Like Evan, Mark, Jack and the other hype-based LP'ers.."

* * *

 

Sunday night. 9:45 PM.

The doors were waiting to be permanently closed for the weekend. Shrouded in disappointment and a sense of eternal farewell the people dripped outside in packs. The squares filled with street traffic in the form of buses, acquaintances or relatives who picked up their loved ones at the entrance, or the usual anthill of taxis. Mixed color combinations of both brightening and grey tinted colors extended over the surrounding area. With the view on booths slowly being demolished piece by piece, and cleaning staff collecting residual garbage, Sean made peace with the idea of closing an amazing extended weekend.

"Here."

The 26-year-old man snapped out of his dream state in the sense of a rough fabric scraping against the skin of his palms. Then he turned his head towards the source and caught a glimpse of a smiling Korean Youtuber. He felt almost obliged to take a similar action. But the desire to feign a similar smile, abandoned him. In the background, he saw two playing figures, who would later be identified as Evan and Jonathan. Chasing each other, thrashing about on the remaining stages, bombarding each other with lingering plastic cups and plastic wrappers from left behind snacks. Jonathan had the voice of a dental drill, a sharp sound that passes through the bone and marrow. But also with a healing effect on those who came close. Usually, anyway .. Or one would expect this anyway.

"Hard to believe the weekend is already over, don't you think?"

The Irishman glanced at the remaining booths and the number of workers that resembled a gang of climbing monkeys huddling on the iron racks to screw it apart as skillfully as possible. Female faces swarmed around the exits, saying their goodbyes to the leaving people with a friendly greeting. On their way out, both Mark and Sean received a few hugs from fellow Youtubers and a number of remaining fans. Outside of the actual exit doors a number of those said Youtubers had gathered. Possibly waiting on the completion of their group. Perhaps skimming some of the many bars in Los Angeles was on the program, and it was therefore within their rights after attending a tripartite employment.

"Time flew by .. I haven't even had time to try every stand .."

Mark hooked his arm in with the green-haired man. "Now all that remains is scoring a ride home. Then we can leave this convention behind us." Sean had nodded approvingly and clutched his bag in his hand. PAX has officially come to an end and the most logical thing to do, would have been returning home to catch their breaths. Taking a few steps, both men were moving away from the immense building. Just minutes after, both Evan and Jonathan rushed past them, to eventually mix with the group that had now been standing there for quite a while. In the distance the roaring engine of a bright yellow cab caught the attention of 27-year-old Mark Fischbach. He recognized the full beard of Kenneth, and the blonde hair gel smeared locks of the energetic Swede. Both engaged in a serious-looking conversation with the additional frowning and formed wrinkles on their foreheads. He could not form a clear picture of what the men could have possibly been discussing with each other, but also realized it was none of his business. That was private. Something that played out between them and no nosy bystanders.

"Lillian will probably be awaiting you with open arms, won't she?"

He turned his head toward the striking braised Irishman. A silent nod was the thing he had received from the man. The black-haired man threw the straps of his backpack over his shoulders, casting one last look at the anthill of pent-up faces and body parts. "Hey, Sean .." His eyes met the bright blue ones of the slightly younger man, and with difficulty he succeeded to keep his impulses in check. He wanted nothing more than to pull his slender body against his own and run a hand through his green locks. He shouldn't, however. Sean had only recently cited to need more time. Time for himself, time for both of them. Time that would ultimately determine the course of their shared future. And Mark was not eager to deprive the chances of its possible effects. "Since we might not see each other for a long time .. or hear from each other .. I wanted to ask you.. -"

Mark recoiled backwards when the 26-year-old man threw himself into his arms. Eyes closed, clutching the fabric of Mark's shirt between his fingers. A smile spread on the lips of the Korean-American man and with a loving gesture, he stroked the short cut, but still growing fringe of the Irishman. "Nevermind, _boseog_." The Irishman's sharp chin scraped across his chest, showing that he was trying to connect his gaze with Mark's. Mark couldn't do anything else but show a loving smile whilst awaiting Sean's answer. "Maybe .. we can grab some drinks somewhere. .. I don't think I'm willing to part from you. I can not let you go yet. **Not yet**."

In a move of impulsiveness, Mark pressed his lips on Sean's. "That can be arranged. Maybe we could score a ride with Evan's boys. Looks like they have the same plan in mind."

* * *

 

The hand of Mark found the slightly smaller one of the clearly exhausted Irishman. With his fingers he stroked the man's knuckles, the sensation of the rough and abraded skin receptive. The idea of Sean's choice to exchange a good night's rest in a comfortable hotel bed, to spend a night in a dim lit bar, left Mark flabbergasted. The Irishman could barely keep his eyelids to from sinking down. And the absence of adequate lighting, did not make it any easier for his dozing brain. Green locks fell muddled along the contours of his round face, showing that even his chemically colored hair was losing its pep. Goosebumps .. Dozens of tiny hairs climbed upward. Small bumps spread across the slender forearms of 26-year-old man, but his sleep deprivation withheld his brain to even register any of this anymore.

Calmness dominated the interior of the small bar. Noteworthy for nighttime hours. Shadows fell underneath the thickened eyelids of the Korean man, and the current discoloration present on the respective parts of skin, contributed to the creation of a pair of bags. The overlapping shades of red dripped into curved lines along the shape of Marks cheek bones.   
The pale light reflected onto the glass barriers that made up his glasses, and with premeditation, he had removed it from his nose bridge. They found a new home on with wet stains smeared, wooden tabletop. The pure look in a pair of brown eyes revealing the outside world.

"Thank you." He had spoken with a deep formed voice. Although the 27-year-old American &nbspcould connect the dots indefatigable , the Irishman was satisfied with an unpleasant feeling of ignorance, which came accompanied with a faint hint of guilt. Bright blue pools traced Mark's glasses that were resting between them on the table. And when meeting a pale-looking pair of eyes, he subconsciously swallowed. Sean's gaze rested on the folds in the black fabric of the vest that hung loosely around Mark's broad shoulders - aware of the white shirt that the man wore underneath. Mark's eyes ..

"You know what they say .. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You are consciously wrecking yourself on my behalf. I am very grateful that you value my emotions like that."

The Irishman looked away purposefully. The blustering collection of stinging tears manifested in the corners of his eyes. Trying to rob them of their existence, trying to hide their presence. For months he had linked this exact emotion in Mark's voice to spoken conversations in the past, which he kept hidden in the corners of his tormented mind. Emotions which he longed for, also the love-coated words that were directed at him. Realizing how much he had cherished this before.

"Perhaps it's not such a bad idea if I drop you back off at your hotel."

He desperately wanted to protest. Grab Mark's hand and hold it against his face, just so he would be able to keep the man from leaving his sight yet again. He was well aware that dealing with another departure would not be in his best interest. So many words populating his mind at once, fabricating and tying together multiple optional phrases. Anything to keep him in place, to keep him within an arm's length of distance. Not again. No more ..

"You look tired, _boseog_." As he Said that, Sean shuddered under the touch of Mark's thumb caressing the back of his hand with utmost care. "You'll thank me once you've hit the covers and are on your way to the land of dreams." He added a little squeeze to the spoken phrase before he stood up and gathered his belongings. And Sean for one was unable to tell what name the emotion displayed on Mark's face could possibly have been. Did he yearn for Sean's dismissal? Had he clung on to the hope of Sean's mutual feeling or inability to bid farewell? A gentle peck on the top of his nose, awakened the Irishman from his distraught train of thoughts, and had left him staring into a shimmering pair of eyes. An awaiting gaze present, yet useful holding some sadness. "Are you alright, Sean? .. You've been quiet."

Instinct told him to feign the desired reaction. As he felt the muscles at the corners of his mouth tense up, he smiled half-heartedly and finished this ungodly play of deceit with a nod of the head. "Lead the way, Markimoo. But I expect you to tuck me nicely, _kae_?"

* * *

 

He opened his eyes a crack, just enough to let the virgin rays of the sun hit his cornea with force. Mumbling a number of swears, the Irishman instinctively squeezed his eyes shut, rolling over until he was lying on his stomach, face buried in the soft fabric of the pillow.

It was then that the sharp, distinctive smell of cologne crawled into the hole of his nostrils. Not quite as foreign as he had anticipated upon, and the realization compelled him to open his eyes and bolt upwards. The pillow was trapped inside of a black cover, sporting a few wet patches.

Some nearly dried up already, some still warm to the touch. His head cocked to the right, the left and back to its original starting position. His brain had registered his surroundings as his booked hotel room, yet he was left with a number of dots that needed dire connecting.

Calmly letting his legs slide down the edge of the bed, his feet met the carpeted floor, tickling the little sensitive nerves in his soles. A first couple of careful steps, bathroom door opened, to be greeted with a small note attached to the small mirror with a dried up patch or chewing gum.

_Life has brought us together. We have paved the road for ourselves, yet we never quite managed to reach our destination. As expected, we rerouted the GPS system and gave it another go. Yet no destination revealed itself to us. And it's now that the both of us have come to the realization that .. there is no destination. At least .. What I'm trying to say is .. There's no mutual destination for us. Our destinations are separated and not meant to be reached by the other. That does not mean that we can not travel together. I direly wish to travel with you sitting next to me, enjoying the ride and talking shit about the vehicle of choice. Let us travel together for the time remaining. Or just .. until one of us has reached his destination, then we can part._

_I deeply love you, boseog. I honestly do._

_Mark._

 

> **The End.**


End file.
